Am I enabling? - Al-Anon Family Group

Sincerely · Senior Member

Am I enabling?

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hon it just does not matter the circumstances. He is abusing drugs.

We can do nothing. We can only protect us. I KNOW the frustration of an A human being who is in pain!

But it is up to them. He knows that pain management is available. There are alternatives.

There is icing the injury, soaking in epsom salt, hot tubs, saunas etc a person can go to.

Anti inflammatories, eating foods that don't cause inflammation, drinking good water.

Stretching.

There is a pain med that you can get at health food stores that works. I have degenerative arthritis. I had that knee surgery twice. I had shoulder too. Pain meds don't work with me. The one that did was discontinued. rrrr

He is using his disabling condition to over use meds. simple as that.

I am not saying he is not in pain, but there are alternatives to pain med. He can get steroid shots.

I am only sharing my experience, NOT telling you what to do. My A had horrible migraines, there are meds now just for that. But NOOOO NOOOO those won't work he says... becuz he wants narcotics....

This is what makes us have to leave it alone. Its too huge for us.

Whether it is the money he has to spend on the streets, are you in control of the money?

Are you protecting you? I know you are frustrated. My AH had a brain surgery. He was taking 100's of pills. ugh. awful.

Ignorant me back then did not think about he had a medical relapse.....

When one has these types of medical issues, the tendons, muscles etc. are involved too. It puts more work on them. They tend to tear and inflame. BUT this is where an anti inflammatory is great! Even just aspirin!

I wish I could take nsaids. My darn gut won't tolerate them.

I do eat very carefully, not much sugar as it causes inflammation.

Anyway I am sharing all this to paint a picture. There are alternatives.

The 3 C's my friend. love,debilyn

Sweet Stanley · ~*Service Worker*~

Living with somebody with chronic pain is difficult. My AH has had 5 back surgeries, has a spinal implant, and still his pain level is a "3-4" (on the 10 point scale) on a very
good day. He is always stiff, always in pain, and also has a VERY physical job. I tried to help him manage his pain. I couldn't. It was too much for me. He has had the pain management doctor, the chronic pain doctor, the general practioner, all trying to help.
I think that his current GP said it best.... "You will always have pain, you will have to learn to deal with it." I don't know how my AH does it.... he is sober.... he is not abusing pain drugs.... HE is dealing with it.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is, you and I can't help others with their pain issues. I keep thinking of the saying "God helps those, who help themselves." I will admit that most days, I feel so bad for him, although I try and keep it to myself. I try to do the hard physical things that I can do, that I know really aggravate his back issues. But I don't and can't do them all. I try to be careful with how much I do, because I don't want to strip him of his self worth either. It is a fine line.

There are no easy answers when you are dealing with individuals that have chronic pain and addiction issues....

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Wives get to make suggestions to husbands. It is part of the manual. Open non-
critical communications is an indication of a good relationship. It's okay to show
you are caring and to mention the reasons why regardless of what they are as you
are a part of the relationship and your thoughts, feelings and actions matter.

It could be seen, if you look at the conditions for just a slighter angle that by not
mentioning your thoughts and feelings, that this is "enabling" the problem to get
worse for you both. Kill the expectations you might have after making your thoughts
and feelings known and making the suggestion.

With my alcoholic spouse I sometimes had to preface the above communications with
how I felt about having it...I had to get the thoughts about feeling fearful out or my
body language would trump everthing after it. Still learning.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

Sincerely, you asked ... Do I care more about the $ than him being sober?

Been there, not your exact shoes but similar in style. I know I would have gladly paid anything to get help (even though it was free here all along

) for both my exah and I to be as healthy as possible. There is nothing wrong with being concerned with how your finances are being spent, it is a responsible concern. If the oppurtunity to share your concerns by saying what you mean without saying it mean and hold no expectations beyond making the suggestion or find a healthy outlet for any resentments it may cause, it may be a good idea to make the suggestion. In offer of some hope, the list you gave is oddly similar to my dad's list add in 2 hip replacements and it is a match. At one point in time the pain was very bad and I did fear he was abusing medications, through pain management alternatives and proper medication he lives a fairly low medication moderate pain life. It does take time to find what is right for each individual.

Jen

Rhivenn · Member

As an FYI - after a debilitating car wreck, I was on morphine for a year. Not prescribed. While the withdrawal was torturous, I found that my pain was actually BETTER off the narcotic. They're not meant to treat pain in the long-term as they change your brain's pain receptor function and reliability.

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