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I have a wonderful 4 year old grand daughter named Natalie. Not going to get into a lot of details here but Natalie's mother is actually one of my step daughter's. My step daughter has a very serious drinking problem, cannot hold a job. We have had legal custody of Natalie in the past and pretty much raised her from a few months old to just about 3 years of age, when the courts returned custody back to her mother after a very short lived turn around in her behaviour.
Natalie's mother's drinking is worse now than ever. I worry about Natalie constantly. We do get to see Natalie several times a week and I keep close tabs on her health and cleanliness and make sure she has everything she needs clothing and food wise plus make sure she sees a doctor when necessary.
I feel Natalie's mother is using Natalie as a pawn to get what she wants from her mother and I. The feeling of walking on eggshells around this step daughter is very trying.
Not really sure why I am writing this or really don't even know what I am looking for in responces. Maybe I just need to get it off my chest. There is so much more to this than what I have written here, my main concern is for the wealfare of Natalie, she is one darling baby girl.
If my stepdaughter did not have this child she would get the tough love treatment and recieve nothing from us until she was ready to seek help for her drinking.
Jereh, welcome to this board - and what a brave first post.
Maybe the tough love that your step daughter should be receiving is you alerting "the authorities" (not sure of systems in USA) to the fact that she is drinking in earnest again. Your priority has to be the defenceless child. It is not enough for for your step daughter to keep her fed and clothed - your grandchild's emotional well-being is also very important.
Tish we have alerted the authorities, several times. SRS has been called in. No one seems to care to do anything other than tell us to call them again "if things get worse". This is very frustrating and we do worry about Natalie's emotional well being all the time. This is a totally helpless feeling I have about this whole situation
The first step in the Al-Anon program states: "We are powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable". I know you can relate because that is where you are. We are not only powerless over alcohol but over the actions of others.
Please get involved in the Al-Anon program. Find a meeting in your area where you will be welcomed with open arm by loving and caring members. No one will judge you or tell you what you should or should not do. They will offer you their experience, strength, and hope. What has worked for them. All our experiences are different but all similar. Our lives have been effected by someone else's drinking. It is best defined as a disease that is cunning, baffling, and powerful, it take over the mind, body, and spirit of the alcoholic. A selfish all consuming disease that only takes and never gives.
You can find the answers you are seeking in the rooms of Al-Anon. Taking care of yourself first is important. Keeping the focus on yourself is important. Using the tools of the program is important. You are important......to your grandchild. You can't take care of her unless you first take care of yourself. If we don't we become as sick or sicker than the alcoholic in our life without realizing it. You need recovery from the effects of the disease.
Keep coming back and posting, read prior posts, and most important find a face to face Al-Anon meeting and get involved in the program.....you deserve it.
How loving and caring you are for your grandaughter Please as already suggested find and start attending alanon meetings. I think if you and your wife work the program, get educated on this disease you may start to see more options as to how best deal with your step daughter and how best to help your grandaughter. Putting you and grandaughter in my prayers Blessings
