My former sponsor would have either or both had a good laugh or/and then had a
heart attack if he had witnessed me take the "Don't" away from the slogan "Don't
React".  I did and did it well...I had other choices but flew past that awareness in
a mircosecond and then got myself good.  "Aha that'll teach me!!"  

I use to teach offenders the "3 second rule"...When you are triggered wait 3 seconds
before responding and in my other program we talk about finding HP/God in those
3 seconds however I must have been on HP's throne this time and man I don't have
any business sitting on that royal bench. 

I went immedicately into a 10th step...continued to take personal inventory and when
we were wrong promptly admitted it.  Pulled out of that and went into prayer and then
back to the 10th and then left it alone for awhile to do some McDonald's therapy.
"The number 5 large please, Diet with lite ice for here."  I found a news paper which
someone had left on the table and detached myself from the problem, the 10th, my
HP and the others in the restaurant and focused on what was going on in other
people's lives.  It wasn't all about me for a while and in time the paper was all read,
the meal was all done and I needed to get back to HP and the 10th. 

I've been stuffing, like before program.  Walking on egg shells while refusing not
to enable.  Enabling is the tap root of the problem and the consequences (one of
them) is the resentments because enabling has taken the form of making excuses
for my partner, spouse, wife while expecting her to do something other than what
she does habitually (habit; defaulting...doing the same thing over and over and over
again because that is what is the default is without consideration of change or the
need for it.) 

I got frustrated and angry and agitated at her and me and I said what I mean't
and said it with power.  It's never worked before and that frustrated me even more
so.

I inventoried deeper and longer just so I could clearly remind myself how this all
started in the first place...my default, my habit, my doing the same things over
and over again expecting different results.  I got close to changing it and relapsed.

So I had a conversation with my HP and told HP "I've lost my spirit again...gave it
away."  HP knows.  We've been here before together and so what I was given back
then I was given again.  "You need peace."  Soul and Spirit quietness...stillness and
so that is what I accepted. 

I don't feel hurt or resentful or angry anymore.  I feel tired.  That is what I always
feel when I send my spirit away because I don't take the 3second rule to heart and
separate the Don't from the react.   I'm going to have an adrenalin rush hangover
I just know it...and then...maybe not cause HP's still here and I'm being quiet.
Will speak with my sponsor and see if he has a couple of tricks I don't have to
gain and maintain my peace of mind and serenity.

I'll listen to any and all of your ESH.  They are more like pearls than fortune cookie
projections.

Thanks for letting me share....(((hugs)))