Need some advice about very serious situation - Al-Anon Family Group

dhotch · Newbie

Need some advice about very serious situation

SteppingUp · Veteran Member

dhotch,

You're right this is a very serious situation and one that I've never had to deal with.

However, I think that conventional wisdom applies here. If your sister ever feels that she is in danger she should call 911. She must protect herself.

There is nothing anyone can do to prevent another from drinking. But we can allow them to experience the consequences of their own actions.

I"m sure there will be many folks chiming in shortly.

Take Care.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello dhotch

Welcome to MIP and Alanon

The disease of alcoholism is extremely destructive to all involved. Many here and in alanon face to face meetings, can relate to the behavior that you describe.

Alanon face to face meetings are found in all communities and I would recommend that your family could benefit from attending. A locations for your community can be found at:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

This situation sounds dangerous and your family should protect themselves Calling 911, leaving the house, locking the bedroom door are all options.

Please try our program We have on line meetings here 2xs a day and open chat 24/7 These will all help to change to effects of this disease on the family

There is hope and help

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

Physical threats or verbal abuse are unacceptable behavior. There is never a situation that either should ever be justified or tolerated. None. Alcohol is a mind altering chemical and in your brothers case not only has taken over his mind, body, and spirit but also his sanity.

Your sister in no way deserves the abuse she is receiving and should not tolerate the verbal and physical threats. Her safety comes first and foremost. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and in your brothers case the disease has progressed to a point of danger to his sister and others.

In Al-Anon we don't give advise except in situations of abuse or if it is life threatening. Both are obviously involved here. Dialing 911 is the answer and the solution. Your brother need help. Calling 911 in the long run is the best thing that can happen for everyone, your brother included.

HUGS,
RLC

ythannah · Senior Member

Agree 100% that this is unacceptable behaviour that should meet with serious consequences immediately.

I would first recommend a lock on the bedroom door. Although he may just go in search of a new outlet or become more agitated if thwarted. Clearly he is not acting rationally.

Police should be called if the disruptive behaviour continues. Your sister should be prepared for him to then twist things around and blame her for doing so, however, as that is a pretty common alcoholic tactic.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

That is the very same thing I would suggest and do myself. Good suggestion however
chances are it will get progressively worse and she might not have the courage to
follow thru. Maybe not wait until the next time but consider a TRO or something like
that to put space and the courts twix he and she? Those are my experiences along
with the disease experiences. When he is drunk he isn't human...he's drunk and he
doesn't have control...she doesn't have that either. Get outside help...tools to safe
guard her peace of mind, spirit, body and emotions.

Use to teach that and encourage others who were victims of the disease to do the
same thing.

Keep coming back and you can suggest Al-Anon for her, the family and yourself
as alcoholism is a family disease.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Where are the parents in all this?????

I agree, we must protect our loved ones and ourselves. We have 911 for a reason.

If we don't call for help, we are enabling them to continue. A call to the police is a great consequence.

Keep coming! love,deb

dhotch · Newbie

Thanks everyone for the responses. Sounds like all good advice. I will look into Al-Anon meetings. As for my parents, they are in their 70s and sleeping on another floor. I'm not sure if they hear the commution or ignore it as a confrontation would only make him more agitated. I plan on talking to them today.

wintergirl · Member

This is what I have learned through Alanon support. Do not attempt to have a discussion with an intoxicated person and if at all possible do not give them the floor for the rants. Leave, Get a strong lock, call 911 anytime you are threatened. Their behavior is not predictable. It is not your brother you are afraid of but his alcoholic self.

The very next day, possibly with another sibling, your sister must say to your brother. That you will not tolerate his behavior and enable him any longer. Enabling I have learned extends to behavior, drinking, lifestyle,,,every aspect of daily life. Next time you pull that stunt I will call 911. Walk away and let him think about what you said.

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

No one should have to put up with that kind of harassment. There is generally a branch of the polie that deal with mental health issues if your sister calls she should ask for that particular branch.

Maresie.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I would say to definitely call the police. I would also use these incidents as touch points for an intervention in which you suggest rehab for him. If you can gently expose him to how he is acting in a crazy and hurtful way, while still letting him know you all love him and are concerned, he might listen and go to rehab. Also expose him to how he is slowly losing everything and how he might not want it to get worse. Kind of like "Look, I understand it's tough and having to move back home is awful, but you are taking it out on yourself with drinking and lashing out at our sister.....I will help you get some help if you want it."

Either way, you don't have to tolerate abusive and illegal behavior from someone, even if they have an alcohol problem. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

**I caution, I am not telling you what to do, just giving you something to think about as I do not know the specifics of this situation. Mostly, I want you to know that you have my empathy in whatever happens. Its very tough to watch someone spiral out of control when you love them.

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Absolutly a serious situation that will only get worse as your brother's disease progresses.
Safety has to be of the utmost concern
Lock on door so she has enough time to call 911 if you are in the states not sure if out of US what the emergency number is.
Please do get your sister to understand just how dangerous this can become
You will all be in my prayers
Blessings

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