The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's really a whole new world when I'm living by myself. I don't get the volume of exterior drama that I had when I lived with the exAH. This is such a great opportunity, but at the same time, it's also a very tempting place for me to get complacent about working my program. Nothing's stressing me out with the same sort of drama that the AH brought so why bother?
I actually attended a different meeting this week than I normally do because I can actually feel myself getting a bit stagnant with my program. While I love the other meeting I usually attend every week without fail, I just needed a change. I'm really glad I got to the other meeting - it seems to be a healthy group and the subject turned my mind right back to focusing on myself and examining the parts I play in my life and have played in the past.
Another realization I've had recently... and I was discussing this with my sponsor... is that I've really taken myself for granted! I seem to use me as a vessel to move about the world and communicate with others and to take care of chores and go do fun things, but jeez - where's my RECOGNITION for all that I do for me???
I watched The Secret on DVD a couple nights ago - I absolutely love this spiritual movie/documentary. I've watched it several times and also have it on audiobook on my iPhone. It reminds me the kind of power I could have in my life if I but put my mind to it. It had a section in the movie about relationships and they were discussing how one could completely turn around their relationship if they took the time to write down a list of things they appreciate about their partners every day for 30 days.
Now... looking honestly at myself, I can tell you I was WAY too full of resentment for my exAH to even contemplate writing down things I appreciated about him for 30 days in a row. Frankly, I didn't feel like he deserved my appreciation. That will be some good 4th step work for certain, and as weird as it is for me to think of typing it, I know my exAH will be someone who needs to make my list of people to make amends to. I could have treated him with MUCH more compassion than I did. I'm not trying to beat myself up over it, though - I did the best I could.
But back to writing down things I appreciate about someone I'm in a relationship with.
I decided, "Hey, why don't I look improving my relationship with myself?" So I'm experimenting with taking time every day to write down a list of things I appreciate about myself every evening before retiring for bed.
I know I've struggled a lot with self-love. Sometimes I really don't give myself much respect. I want to get to a better place of understanding that I very well deserve some respect from myself. I know deep down that the more respect I have for myself the less likely I'm going to accept unacceptable behavior in my exterior relationships.
So... it's kind of like a daily gratitude list - which I've also been keeping pretty faithfully for a little over a year now (Hey - I should write down that I appreciate that about me!). But where gratitude is focusing on exterior things... a daily appreciation list for myself is focusing on me and the things I do and the things I AM to be grateful for.
Well, there you go - there's my random long ramble for now.
I can tell you I've been feeling pretty good lately from doing this exercise. Coupling that with my daily gratitudes list, I tend to end most of my days on a really good note.
You said"...turned my mind right back to focusing on myself and examining the parts I play in my life and have played in the past."
I really like this. I have times also when life is simple and drama free that continuing to work on my program does not seem as essential as it really is and your words will remind me of that. Thank you.
Boy, can I relate.... for the most part, my A is out of my daily life (and also 8 years sober), so the daily craziness is not there..... Alas, I have found it increasingly difficult to stay committed to my program, and I see slips in many ways - primarily physical..... Not exercising is a big no-no to me, and one of the best ways for me to remember to "take care of me"....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Since I've gotten my vision back in both eyes...the focus has been really good and that includes on me also. Ain't perfect...kinda fuzzy around the edges in some places and very acceptable. HP hasn't left home yet so I'll keep working it. Of course the consequences of not working it are very very unacceptable. As far as I am concerned sister...you're very lovable and a keeper. Am I a bit prejudiced or not? ((((hugs))))
What a GREAT exercise! I'll be tackling that one too, as I have chronically low self esteem.
My relationship with ABF needs a bit of a tune-up too, as I've been dwelling on the negatives lately. I think it would be good for me to consciously shift my focus onto what I appreciate about him.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
