The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My wife came home from rehab on Wednesday. We are separated, but we went out for dinner as a family Wednesday and we made dinner together last night, and she hung out for a couple of hours both nights. The difference in her has been amazing so far. It is like these last two nights she has been present in the family for the first time in years.
After she left last night the boys got in a fight over a video game, it escalated to a pretty big fight. I charged upstairs and immediately took surfing away from my older boy when I was in the heat of anger, I have already told him I wouldn't use that punishment again as it is so helpful to his mental outlook.
He immediately called his mom,during the time when she was actively drinking this would have escalated the drama, instead she was able to talk my son down while I calmed down and talked to my younger son, without undercutting my punishment. Even though I was still apprehensive at my wife's involvement, I passed the phone to my younger son and then had a good talk with my older boy and decided on a more appropriate punishment for him. It felt like such a relief to be parenting as a team again instead of feeling like I was on my own, or worse trying to parent the kids while being sabotaged by her drinking.
So now I really have to keep my expectations in check, she hasn't even made it through a weekend yet, but just this glimpse into who she is sober is encouraging. What ever happens between us I hope she remains the mother to my kids that I know she can be. I hope this is a message from HP to have faith.
Dad did you take the time to find that sponsor yet? Fill up your tool box with tools. Sponsors are big ones. Happy that you are experiencing positive change and that your wife has sober days. HP as I understand HP to you both and to the boys.
tomorrow morning I am going to get up at dawn and go surfing at the break next to my "home" meeting, at the meeting I plan on sharing the above and let people know I am looking for a sponsor. Then I will hang out after the meeting and get some numbers.
Relapses are usual...not guaranteed but usual. Often times because this disease is soooo cunning, powerful and baffling, several attempts will be made. This is THE destructor!!...and plans are in the making for another mega sized distillery in the US. (((((HUGS)))))
