The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
all i know is that i get a different feeling, mixed emotion of disappointment, sadness, anger whenever my husband would have a drink with his friends. i feel more comfortable if i'm around when he drinks, but it doesn't mean i like what he's doing, i still don't like it. worse is when he would insist to have a drink with his friends leaving me behind at home. sometimes he would tell me that i act as if i'm always guarding him. i don't want to do that but i really get very suspicious if he would go out without me. what is wrong? is it me or him?
I guess you could say its not important if your husbands an alcoholic, its about you and how your feeling about it and how it affects you. If your feeling uncomfortable and having confused and angry feelings, chances are he does have a drinking problem.
You are in the right forum for this is Alanon and Miracles in Progress.
I would suggest if you dont know about Alanon face to face meetings, you might try to attend some in your community. Pick up some Alanon literature and start exploring what this philosophy has to offer you.
All you have to do is listen, read and share if you want to , whats going on with you. Alanon is not for the drinker, its for the spouses and partners and anyone that is affected by drinking.
Please keep coming back and read our posts and have an open mind.
Alanon is for people who are affected by someone elses drinking. None of us are really in a position to diagnose whether anyone is an alcoholic or not. Thats for the individual person to decide. They can only do that when drinking begins to cost them more than the alcohol. Alanon is for us....not them. Its not there to stop them drinking or to manipulate them into being reasonable. Theres no magic pill....unfortunately.
Alanon has allowed me to find me. My husbands drinking caused so much chaos I didn't know what was up and what was down and when I began to know..... my husband would argue with me and I'd get confused all over again
You're in the right place. Welcome....keep coming back face to face meetings are wonderful too
You asked if it was you or him...and the answer is yes. However, YOU are the only one you can or should control. If he has a problem, then he has a problem, but it is not up to you to fix it. One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that I didn't CAUSE the drinking, I can't CONTROL the drinking, and I can't CURE the drinking. You can't either, but you can take care of and work on yourself.
If you can, attend some face-to-face meetings.
I can't say what Al-Anon can do for you, but I can tell you that I'm now happy, sane, and free from worrying about what my alcoholic does or does not do. I'm not perfect...sometimes that worry or anxiety creeps in...but I'm definitely on the right track.
Hi and welcome :) I remember wondering the same thing, someone said to me..if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, chances are its a duck. But whats more important is how it affects you. Wanting to be around him when he drinks may be becasue you think somewhere in your mind that you have control of what he does if you are there. I dont know, just a thought. Nonetheless, you will find the answers your looking for in alanon, please keep coming back, and thank you.
I'm in the same place as you! I think the answer as to weather your husband is actually an alcoholic is that it doesn't matter.
You're not happy when your husband drinks just like I'm not happy when my wife drinks.
I've received lots of tools and support from local Al-Anon meetings and I'm sure you can too. As lots of folks have said, this is about YOU. Once you start looking after yourself, you won't need to feel suspicious about what he does.
thanks so much to all who replied to my posts. i couldn't find the right words to express how much i appreciate your replies. i just like you to know i was teary eyed while reading them
i tried tracking how often my husband drinks and the level of alcohol intake (light, moderate, heavy). he does not really drink daily but i can feel his desire to get a drink and i really feel disappointed. i know he wants to have a drink so often ... what stops him sometimes is he knows that i don't really feel good about it. i want to let go, i want to tell myself to detach from the situation, not to feel anything, to make him "non-existent" when he drinks, he drinks to the max, he's the last one to stop even asking the others to have more. oh, how i hate him when he does this! all i want is for him to stop drinking this way. how i wish to see the day when a glass or two is enough. i always pray to God to help us, i just wanted to have a normal life
