The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At the f2f meeting I attended this week the topic was willingness and there was lots of great sharing and I was glad I went. I didn't have an opportunity to share but wanted to here.
My AH has been hospitalized recently for complications from the disease, then he tried to get sober on his own and now it is just absolute insanity in my home. Moments of pure chaos inter-spaced with uncomfortable silence.
My daughter is still an infant and I am thankful that she can't really pick up on the situation. Last weekend everything went nuts again. My husband freaked out and I couldn't pick up the pieces - why I still try is something I obviously need to work on.
But the point of this post is that last week I realized that I am a DOORMAT. My AH is taking advantage of me, and our home, and everything and even my job was taking advantage of me. The worst part is that I was letting it happen. I realized I needed to set some boundaries. Last night I spoke to AH and told him I couldn't do this forever. When I said what I had to say he actually told me "thank you, I know I am hurting you but you just never said anything so I am going to use this as motivation to be a better man". Then I talked to my co-workers about a project that was dumped on me and you know what? They said sorry and re-distributed the work load. After the meeting two people called me and told me that they really appreciated the work I had done and they were thankful that I was on the team.
I have been in the program for 6 months and this was my first big breakthrough.
YAY, for you! That's so great to hear you've had success. Every small step we take for ourselves gives us more confidence to try again and again. Thank you for sharing your story!
Yay!! number two!! Ask for and learn some slogans and little philosophies that the membership has which will help you to "undoormat" yourself. There are tons of them (NO...is a complete sentence; is one) (Oh? is a full question)...learned that last week and when put together with NO it becomes the question and the answer when appropriate to our choices. "Don't React" is a great slogan for me that stops me automatically allowing people to stand on me and wipe their feet. When I just react to a choice situation I am drawn to enabling. Glad you brought the success home for others to read and use. Keep coming back!! (((hugs)))
