The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of last night's meeting topics was "motives" and this got me to thinking about a recent conversation I had with my ex-husband. This is the same ex-husband that I divorced on August 25, 2009 and had an ex-parte (Order of Protection) on from Nov. 9, 2009 through Nov. 9, 2010.
I had been wanting to talk to him for some reason for the last couple of weeks. I had to ask myself what my "motive" was. Was I wanting to get back together with him? No. Was I wanting to justify my actions during the divorce? Hmm...well...maybe. Ok, wrong motive. Did I want to make amends? Yes. Once I came up with that answer, I proceeded.
I called him late Sunday night. Thinking his phone might have already been disconnected, I was a little surprised when he picked up the line. "Hello." said he. I hesitated. What did I say? "Yes," I replied, "it's me."
"What do YOU want?" came his irritated reply.
I stopped for a minute, trying to decide. What DID I want?
"To try to figure out what exactly happened between the two of us, " I replied.
So we discussed this over the phone for awhile, finding enough common ground that he asked if I wanted to come over and discuss it in person. I thought for a minute and said yes.
Walking up the steps to his home, I remembered how many times in earlier years I had come here to escape my problems. I pondered that thought and wondered if that was what I was doing now.
Once inside we sat down to a heart to heart. Each of us asking questions, and answering them civilly, that I'm sure had been on our minds for the past year. We were each able to ask forgiveness to the other for our wrongs, and we each excepted the other's apology. I can't tell you the weight that was lifted off my shoulders. It was for this reason, I now knew I had come.
Step 9 is a wonderful releasing step. "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
You first, however, have to do the eight before that! lol And that is the hard part! Admitting we are powerless is probably the hardest. I am grateful for this program, my sponsor, and most importantly my HP, whom I chose to call God.
Thanks for listening everyone. May the peace of the program come to you.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
(((((Lisa)))))...much appreciation and gratitude for that sharing of experience working the program as it is suggested. I could hear the miracle of healing.
When the student is ready...the teacher arrives. (((((hugs)))))
Thank you so much for sharing. My mom tried to make amends with my dad after their divorce but he still holds onto his bitterness. It's been 20 years and both have remarried, yet he still couldn't let it go.
Glad this worked for you Overcome.We all need to make amends but from experience it can also create more problems sometimes the other person percieves it wrong.Sometimes we try to do whats best for us but it doesnt always work out and others get hurt.For me trying it was wrong hopefully for you it all worked for the best.Im sure it took a lot of courage.
