"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

the fallacy of therapy

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Similarly, you can speculate what kind of life a person has had because they are a therapist. For all you know they have had all the experiences you have had. It's important to ask this stuff when you look for a therapist (if therapy is what a person decides is right for them).

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree unequivocably! I did have a therapist, I think everyone ought to "interview" thier doctors and health care workers -- mine was an ACoA.

I am speaking of the defense mechanism of "therapy" as a cure all. This work is not a pill, it is a process of living and undoing.

Peace is something that can only come from within. Thank god for this fellowship and the members loving me and telling me I was worth more then I could know at that time. Today I love me for me and it does come from within the well of unceasing love, awareness and understanding - the souce - my HP as I understand it.

This program is all about getting your life back from this disease and I encourage everyone to do whatever works for them without judgement of it.

We are defensive and we are hurt when we enter these rooms. The fellowship is alive and organic - the miracles abound for us all and are available to us when we surrender it all. It is a process, I still resist at times but keep trying to practice it the best and most honestly I can.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with interview...all of my counselors with the except of the psych had good
stuff and at times didn't have useable stuff at all...human is the category I would
stuff them under when they weren't on or getting it. I even asked for and took the
opportunity of counseling one of them myself on two occasions (really) cause I was
one...(if you're gonna be one and a good one have one...law of the jungle). The
psych wanted me on prescripts as everyone told me before I hooked up with him so
I got physically altered and not emotionally or spiritually...well actually the prescripts
did further depress my system so now he gets a lower mark er....grade. I prefer
to work with someone with a behavorist background and practice and one who knows
and knows that he/she knows about the cultures of addiction...that way we can be on
the same page if not only in the same book. Interview and ask questions as the
relationship unfolds. I'm not affraid of stopping the process if it isn't working out for
my recovery cause I'm paying for it.

I don't assume for obvious reasons so I ask. The relationship with a psy or MSW or
whomever basically is one way...you tell them your experiences they don't tell you so
the counselor rarely will "share" ESH with you...Al-Anon does that for free and with
many more con-solers in the room.

(((hugs))) smile

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

I was very lucky, both marriage therapists and later my personal therapist all basically handed me literature from AlAnon, told me to stop paying them and go to a meeting. Of course being me it wasn't until the second marriage therapist told me to and my life had become beyond unmanagable that I did. But without all of their encouragement I may never have walked through the door. I completely agree that therapy alone would not have helped me to get to the point I am at. And interviewing any professional first is a great idea. It would be extremely important to me if needed to have a therapist who either was a member or was highly educated in supporting my AlAnon recovery.

Jen

ythannah · Senior Member

When I started therapy, which began with grief counselling following my mother's death, I specified that I wanted someone with knowledge of alcoholism -- not such a tall order, considering the agency also does addiction treatment.

When I decided to continue with another therapist to deal with my personal stuff, I again insisted on a counsellor who had experience working with alcoholism, even better if specific to ACoA issues.

The most progress came when I started Al-Anon, however. Therapy initially made me feel like one giant flaw, like I was unfixable. Al-Anon gave me hope that there are others like me who are successfully working a recovery program and are now happy.

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

In my opinion, it is definitely "buyer beware", but there are certainly lots of great therapists out there who CAN help us along in the process..... It's a fine line sometimes for me, between being discerning and closed-minded.... If I close my mind and said "all therapists are useless", I certainly wouldn't have as much recovery as I believe I do have today.....

I like Jerry's comment, "human is the category", and it is equally applicable to any large group - therapists, al-anons, police officers, whatever..... there are good... there are bad... and there are in-between.

Tom

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

At first it looks like therapy is being put down here. But I hope I got it that you are saying that it will not work with out our total input ourselves. We cannot just go listen to a therapist, we have to do the work. (?)

I would not go to a therapist who did not have experience with A's. Most rehab therapists are A's or had problems with using themselves.

Every one is an individual, as is every therapist. I believe we have to find one that "fits." Its more like a friendship with guidance, teaching tools for life skills.

I know I do better if I can put myself in someones place. See how I would deal or think about it. Playing reversies.

For me MIP shares are therapy! People who respond to me, always teach me. It take it all in.

Interesting share, thankyou, debilyn

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

My therapist is a recovering addict and codependent. His understanding of my experiences is priceless.

This is a great thread, thanks!

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

I was once told "don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" once when I said I'd probably never really need to see a counselor because I have my Al-Anon meetings.

I think it's really up to everyone, but I can see how it may be beneficial to seek help both in the meetings and one-on-one with a professional.

I think a lot of my answers do come from attending meetings and working the steps with my sponsor. There's a part of me, however, that also wonders if it might be beneficial to discuss things more extensively with a professional. I really don't know. I think I do know, however, should I choose to seek counseling that I'd look to find someone who supports the idea that I absolutely cannot change other people.

The benefit of Al-Anon over counseling, however, is that I essentially get support 24/7 if I so choose to use those tools. Where I am, there's a meeting just about every single day and I have several phone lists of people I could call if my sponsor wasn't available for some reason.

Counseling isn't quite so easily at everyone's disposal. I couldn't imagine having a counselor I could call in the middle of the night with my thoughts like I could another Al-Anon member.

Interesting stuff.

sunflowergirl · ~*Service Worker*~

I did 10 years of therapy. It didn't work for me because they were so into labeling that I never got much done. My most recent therapist did a lot with me, however it was taking forever and at 1 meeting with her per week I didnt' get a lot out of it. The most work I have ever done is in alanon in the last 5 months. My sponsor and Alanon have helped me more than any therapist out there. I have wasted a TON of money on therapy. Yes probably an addiction or codependency counselor would have helped me more, but they had no idea what they were dealing with in me. I didn't either. It wasn't until my bf went to rehab that I found alanon and found what I was looking for :) This program works when we work it :)

Cloudsea · Veteran Member

I have had an unequivocally positive experience with my therapist. She is probably the reason that my AH and I finally realized he is an A, and she is definitely the reason I joined Al Anon.

On the other hand, if your A seeks therapy, you absolutely MUST beware. My A went to a therapist who downplayed any alcohol issues and gave him meds he shouldnt have been taking with alcohol. On the other hand, it wasnt entirely his fault, as my A routinely downplayed his drinking.

firehorse · Member

I am speaking of the defense mechanism of "therapy" as a cure all.

My recovery is not a monotheistic approach of one vs. the other. Being raised by an alcoholic, I sometimes still think in black and white terms.

Therapy was a life saver for me, my therapist figured out I had PTSD from childhood trauma, and she pointed the way to alanon, and she trained to do EMDR in order to help me further. She also ordered the Big Red Book and the workbook so we could do some of the recovery work in the office. One does not exclude the other, there is no competition. They are all tools. I couldn't imagine using my hammer when I need a screw driver.

I also have done different kinds of therapy in different times of my life as I change and my needs evolve and change.

member922 · Senior Member

Let's see... I have had some experience in therapy. I had a lot of med issues and was forced to go to therapy if I wanted to stay on my meds. I didn't really work with my therapist or my psychiatrist at the time. I didn't want to do the work. I was embarrassed and very denying of my problems.

When I was going through my divorce, I finally realized that I needed to do the work. For me and for my children.

My current psych dr didn't force me into therapy, but he did give me a name of someone he recommended. I waited about a year and then realized that I was ready.

I have a wonderful therapist now and one of my good friends who has been with me through my whole experience can even see the difference in me, finally lol. I am really clicking with someone and I really want to do the work. I am so proud to tell her of my progress. That is how we start each session. She says progress?

I know that I am doing the right thing for me and my children by going. I have learned so much from her than I had from the other therapists combined.

Her work plus my work works. So interviewing? Sure. I had never even considered Al-Anon, but when I mentioned it, she was very supportive. I had no idea.

So, I am lucky that I found her at the time I was ready. Sorry for the drag out, but I just can't say enough good things about her. I am so thankful for her help and for my own helping myself. We make a good team.

Thanks for the topic kitty.

firehorse · Member

I'm really grateful for my therapist too. She's a city social worker with a giant heart. She played the role of nurturing mother so I could internalize it, and give that back to myself. Without that help, I'd still be haunted by the critical inner mother I internalized growing up.

My HP was really looking out for me when she came into my life, and for that I'm so very grateful.

firehosre

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I did find the program helped me in addition to therapy. Over time in this program I can have compassion for my parents who were mentally ill. I can understand their denial and their inability to parent and their constant lashing out. They never got beyond the ability of managing their inner states in relation to the outside world.

I do know that therapy alone did not change my victim mode. Al anon did that.

Maresie.

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

I first went into therapy in my 20's after my first child was born.
I was anorexic and needed help badly, but like the A no one could convince me I was sick until I saw it for myself. I wanted to live to raise my children and didn't want to die so therapy it was.
I was so incredibly lucky to be paired with a therapist who also had an eating disorder so she totally "got me". i was with her for 3 years and i couldn't have been more blessed.
I have also more recently had a therapist who had me wondering who was helping who in these sessions... he didn't last to long.
Then I found alanon... and for this time in my life it has done more for me than any therapy could do.
So I am pro therapy providing you get the right therapist and clearly I am pro alanon
It would be nice if therapists suggested alanon to thier patients who they can see truly need it though

Emi · Member

There is a wisdom in Jerry's post...I've gone through years of therapy...with very good therapists, but the most "help" I've ever gotten has been through working a 12 Step program. Going to meetings, working with my sponsor, reading the literature, having sponsees, doing service, using writing as a tool...these are all highly valuable actions. Some take me out of myself, some are akin to therapy, some enlighten, some are soothers. Talk therapy with someone who is against 12 Step programs, who has no personal experience with an A, and/or didn't grow up in an alcoholic home...they actually have no business treating someone who has. There is extra training therapists take to be able to work with A-related clients. Many therapists say they do therapy with us, but they don't have a clue.

I must say that I do take one med...for depression, although it is an off label medication but is used for depression that isn't the norm. It works. The other usual antidepressant I took only made my depression worse. I will go off this med at some point, but for now, I need to deal with the dark black hole in my heart area...my med removed it. I'm actually not "for" meds, but my depression lasted for over a year...had to do something.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"