The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am the aunt of a 19 year old boy. He has a drug and alcohol problem. He has been using mostly pot and pills. He is not able to get along with his mom so I agreed to take him in after he had been in jail for stealing. Over the last year he has been leaving with friends families and stealing from them and stores. He has been living with me for 2 months now. The first month things were going great. He was attending AA meeting nightly but after he hit his 1 month anniv. He stopped going to meetings and began talking to old friends that he used with. On his 19th birthday ( last week) he decided he was going to party. He stayed out until very late and the next day my husband and I tried to talk to him but my nephew decided he was moving out. I assume to go do drugs. Two days later he came back and said he would live by our rules. That lasted two days and he left again to do drugs. Last night he came back. I insisted on detox. I spend the night in ER and they would not keep him because it had been 2 days since he used and it would be out of his system. He agreed today to intensive outpatient rehab. I will be attending my first ALANON meeting tomorrow night. His mother thinks I should throw him out and let him live on the streets. Am I being too easy on him?
I think it's been comfortable for him. That said, do you have the power to change him? No.
To me, the more important question is... are you sick and tired? In my home, I will not tolerate the insanity of addiction anymore. My family knows they are not allowed to 'use' in my home. It is my space, my peaceful haven, and they all understand and accept that. I do not want to be around it. In my space, I get to make the rules. It's what I have to do to take care of myself.
I encourage you to take care of yourself... whatever that looks like. If you are not ready to kick him our because you would spend every minute worrying.... I would honor that, that is the way you need to care for yourself... just for today. Be where you're at.
I'm so glad for your meeting tomorrow, let us know how that goes. I'm so glad you are here. (((Hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
My son is an addict, lived at home, in trouble with the law, lost all his jobs and his friends, OD'd several times...i could go on but you get the idea. And yes everyone told me to throw him out.... well i did not want to enable his disease i wasn't able to see him living on the streets either. I had to work this program for a long time before i realized that just putting a roof over his head was enabling him. And i cried my eyes out as I packed his bags getting ready to take him to a shelter because i could no longer watch him kill himself a little everyday. But as I said he had legal charges against him so his probation officer came and got him, put him back in jail and the judge put him on the jail/rehab unit. He was there 10 months, then they allowed him to leave each day to look for work and thankfully he found a job. We let him come home on the condition that there are no more chances if he relapses he must leave and if that means a shelter than thats what it means. So far doing good but we take it one day at a time. If you don't feel throwing your nephew out, don't be pressured into it. Work the program as I did and the answers will come to you. Go to meeting, start learning about boundaries, get educated on this disease and I think it will be very helpful to you. wishing you the best blessings
am I being too easy on him ? alcoholics need enablers and that is where we who love them come in , Until we stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves nothing will change. i am glad your going to a meeting when there pick up a detachment pamphlet , that little 1o cent investment changed my life
