The material presented
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As Most Know I have resently had a Pretty Tough Week, and i have to say yesterdays Veiwing was the hardest, Not just because my Friends Father had Past, but because of the Addictions that has reared its ugly head in their family... But only with their Youngest Son, Who at one time, I could have called my brother we spent so much time together from 0-10... He was only Older then me by a couple months, so we were pretty tight, We would ride bikes to each others house, me being a Tom Boy, I was Always one of the Guys :)
He came in last night, and tho his Older Sister & I still keep contact Monthly, He & I Have not seen each other in Years, like 8-10 .... I had to see his face, and I stayed to see it... He came in Late, & Boy could I tell he had been onto the Good Stuff Before he got there... It Truly Broke My Heart... His Drug of Choice was Herion, he has been locked up repeatedly, I was Accually Surprized to see him there, because i was told he was back in jail.. but found he Just Recently was released a few days before this!
I Made him Look me in the eye, and I Hugged him, Told him I was Sorry he Lost His Dad & that I really Missed having him in my life... He Really Struggled with it, I could tell, but I Just Miss Him So, He was Always So much fun & Free Spirited, and now his spirit seems to be on Vacation somewhere, because he dont carry it...
Not Long after his enterance I Man I Graduated with, that again was someone I hung with, and Found Trouble with as a child, but Good Fun, Nothing to Crazy, but we always laughed... He Hugged me & Wouldn't let Go! Told me how "He" Missed me, and How Great I Looked, and how he was So Happy to see me... That Felt Pretty Good! However, he too is a Heroin Addict... He was laying on a hospital bed in a coma, not many months ago from an OD...
This Viewing was like a Step Back in Time, Like Stepping BACK into my Childhood, and being 9 years old again... Even tho there was Pain, & Sorrow for the Reason We all Came together, there was still Hugs, & Laughs, & Wonderful Memory's just to sit & Talk about, When I Left I think I was more Emotional just feeling like some of them guys, I may Never See again, till they are in that box... FOR ADDICTION....
I have added them to my prayers and I Still have to make it thru the next 2 days till we lay their father to rest, but I have desided, the ones I love & have Loved Will Know by the time I Leave on Saturday morning, that I Loved them, because again... I don't want them to think i take them for granted, because they have been a piece of me, even if it was 30 yrs ago, their memory's of our fun, laughter, and the things they helped "Me" escape, when times weren't so easy, has Always been nothing short of a blessing in my life...
As have all of you, that allow me to come here, and "spewh" my thoughts, and feelings, and help me Walk on to the next phase... But I know that No Matter what that phase, I will be OK, Because from here on out, I do Not Walk Alone, Nor have I ever, but now ... I am Aware of that.... & I Am Worth It!!!!
A beautiful share, with so much insight and awareness!!!!I agree visiting the past and recalling the good times that existed even in the midst of the madness, is very powerful. I do include those memories in my gratitude list each day
Loved your last statement to the fact that" going forward will be different because now you KNOW you are not alone , in years past you were not alone but were not aware."
Your description of your wonderfully, fun childhood friend stating that he was a "Free Spirit" brought tears to my eyes. As when my son was growing up he was always so charasmatic, fun loving and daring we always called him "our free spirit". That spirit seemed to disappear as his addiction grew until we no longer saw the spirit in his eyes or facial expressions, all we could see was pain and no self worth and it was totally heartbreaking. Today he is clean and sober a that little gleam is coming back into his eyes, and i pray that free spirit comes back but in a constructive way. I am glad you got to see your friends again.. despite thier addictions A's need to know and remember they are loved to. and that was a gift that you gave them, that they had been remembered and that you cared Blessings
. Thanks for sharing it with us.