The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My emotions are free floating about 20 feet off of the cliff. I'm sad and very sad and I'm angry and depressed and concerned. I am not trusting for the moment and am groping for the hemline of my HP's pullover. I've been like this off and on for over 5 months as a direct result of the death of a person I've never met and a child I've only seen a picture of and spoke with her father. He father was recently shown at the sentencing trial for the woman alcoholic which took his 3 year old daughters life. The man has heart capacity...he hugged and forgave the driver who took his angel. I am powerless even as I attempt to wake up people in the legislature; senate and house that there is a solution...and I wait and I get frustrated and go farther off the cliff.
I want to blame and am starting to go that way. Yes the driver who killed Stella was a three timer before he drank (our fault) and drove (his and some one elses) and killed. And before and during and after the senator from that district had already read and commented on the possible solution and decided not to do anything with it himself. I crossed my boundaries and reminded him he was also responsible because he had a workable solution.
Still...in the pit of my stomach I am sick as innocent victims are lost when it all is preventable...lost on the road, in their homes, at their jobs, by the disease. I feel powerless and that has always sucked!! I remember being afraid the first time I read the words of the prayer..."Lord make me an instrument of thy peace". because I come from deep inside of the disease and I know what it's like to reach out to help and be ignored while there is suffering.
I'm feeling remorse...not self pity...compassion not self centeredness...anger not personal hurt.
I'm going to sit here in my HP's lap holding on to the hemline of my HP's pullover and not be ashamed to do what I did when I was eleven years old; rock back and forth, cry and pray...please! It worked then, has worked since, will work again.
I had no where else to bring this but to family ...(((hugs)))
No wise or profound words for you, my friend, other than "we understand" and "we care"....
Much like the 'negotiations' with active A's - trying to deal with politicians, and hoping to generate true change and growth from these interactions - is often akin to "trying to make sense out of nonsense"
Stay the path Jerry.... you are doing more good than you know....
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Jerry, I have never understood why the same emphasis can not be put on alcohol by the powers that be as has been put on tobacco. Maybe the damage an death caused by alcohol hits closer to home for me, It seems it isn't politically correct for our politicians to make tougher laws regarding alcohol. Repeat offenders continue to drink and drive, continue to kill and destroy lives. All states have different laws, but with the right lawyer, if you have enough money, in most case a person can get off with a lesser offence.
A case in point. At my wife's family Christmas dinner my brother-in-law who is a iron worker mentioned that 8 of the 10 men that work under him had got a DUI within the last year. He is one of the 8. He laughed and said that he and 5 others got out of their DUI's because they new the right lawyer. It was almost like it was a game. I wanted to throw up. As I was riding home with my son, who received his Law Degree this past August, I told him if he ever defended someone against a DUI charge I would disown him.
I commend you for your efforts, and diligence, as you continue to increase the awareness of the this cunning, baffling, powerful, and deadly disease. In my heart of hearts I think HP will find a way to bring nationwide attention to the to the problem. But at this point I can't help myself, I question HP's timetable, all the while realizing that his will be done.
In Full Support, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Friday 14th of January 2011 02:19:40 AM
Jerry , none of its wasted, youve heard of the Butterfly Effect, that when a Butterfly flaps its wings, on the other side of the world, it can be felt around the world and that it can effect a little change, that will grow into a larger change.
I can feel you flapping from here. We can only live by example and your a great example of a human being. You affect our lives on this board and your helping us in ways you cant imagine.
This just breaks my heart.....I'm so sorry for the deep pain you are feeling. Here's one of those things where we realize that we really have no control over anything. We have no control over the laws, over other people, over drinking and driving and how nobody takes it seriously. We lose people everyday due to drunk driving and there are advocates out there all over....doesn't matter, when someone gets that drunk, they don't think, nor do they care.
Cry, mourn, love and pray...but don't give up.....I hope you find some peace today
Never doubt that you are "an instrument of peace". Look at all the love, experience, hope, strength and peace that you have given all of us here. No small feat my friend.
The frustration of dealing with a bureacracy, of hopelessness and powerlessness that dealing with this disease can be overwhelming at times. Let those feelings out.
Tim had a favorite saying: "Crying only a little bit is no use. You must cry until your pillow is soaked and then you can get up and laugh." I know you will laugh and rejoice at the simple beauty around you. You will watch the come out and marvel at that simple miracle. You will watch the sunset from your favorite spot and relish in that miracle. You will look at the face of your beautiful Ruby and see in her eyes, the hope of the next generation. You will giggle at the sound of her giggle. You will find your peace and continue on your journey.
Until then dear friend, we are holding you close sending you all the love and prayers which this MIP family has. Pipers and I are sending you all our love. Much love and blessings dear friend. We are right here for you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
It's the caveat of respecting other's free will and respecting that HP has some kind of a plan. It means we're powerless over others.
I do agree... the DUI situation here is heart-breaking. That our county government is driven by filling their personal pocketbooks and downright incompetent at using common sense doesn't help.
I don't know that more laws is the answer. The more I fight a thing, the more it fights back. When it's something I'm powerless over to begin with, I can end up crushed beneath it. The best I can do is live my life as I think God would have me do and share my ES&H with those who are willing to listen.
When I met the ex A he had a suspended license. He had driven and struck another car while uninsured. he was paying off a legal suit at a minimum amount per month. At that time I had my radar turned off.
The ex A drove all the time with suspended licenses. For some reason he was never caught. I do know other people who drove on a suspended license their trip to jail for 10 days was enough to stop them drinking and driving.
For some the penalties are enough. I work with a man who has stopped driving because he prefers drinking! He doesn't see anything at all wrong with that logic.
Some alcoholics will stop with boundaries and some won't. I hear of accidents all the time where people drive with suspended licenses. I also hear of law suits where victims sue the owner of the car for allowing someone so out of control to drive it.
I think the essence of alcoholism is that they continue causing havoc no matter what the obstacles. Some of them do respond to an obstacle and make adjustments and some of them don't. I don't know many alcoholics who make good judgments when they are three times the limit.
There is no excuse but sometimes there is no one to blame either but the alcoholic themselves. They are adults, they are to blame if they kill someone. All the legislature in the world won't stop some of them.
You are such an inspiration to me I feel the pain you are feeling... i feel the unfairness and senslessness of this disease and that we are powerless. I will tell you it took me 10 months to totally surrender to step 1 and I have to surrender to that powerlessness everyday in order to work my program. But I was told by an old timer powerlessness did not mean helpless...that helped me a lot. My prayers are with you my friend and keep holding on to HP Blessings
Compassion, empathy and being an "instrument of peace" brings the greatest joy, and at times extracts a heavy toll. I am sorry for this loss and your pain.
"I'm feeling remorse...not self pity...compassion not self centeredness...anger not personal hurt."
As I read your description I was struck by the thought that these emotions, especially when on behalf of an innocent, have always had the power to ground me and provide a renewed strength and courage to change what I can. I wish that the feeling of renewal comes to you when the time is right. Until then know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
come out and marvel at that simple miracle. You will watch the sunset from your favorite spot and relish in that miracle. You will look at the face of your beautiful Ruby and see in her eyes, the hope of the next generation. You will giggle at the sound of her giggle. You will find your peace and continue on your journey. 
Much love and blessings dear friend. We are right here for you.