The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Aloha Kimmy..."Dry drunk" is a term that describes the behavior, thinking patterns, feeling patterns which you use to see when the alcoholic was drinking only they haven't been now. It happens because while they are habitually drinking the thoughts, feelings, and actions become imbedded in the personality. You might swear he/she has been drinking but even a piss test will be clean. I've even heard that words get slurred during a dry drunk and forgetfulness or blackout can also be present; other than age related loss of short memory.
If it isn't an issue with you now...don't make it one. Put away the crystal ball and don't project it. Not all alcoholics go thru it.
Wikipedia defines dry drunk as a colloquial expression which describes an alcoholic who no longer drinks, but maintains the same behavior of an active alcoholic.
So whether the alcoholic is drinking of sober all the characteristics remain. Most of the ladies in my group have husbands who have been sober for years, yet they continue to experience the same mood swings, and verbal out pours on occasion, almost as if their husbands were still drinking.
One lady this past week shared that after 20 years of sobriety, her husband who attends AA meetings every week, can out of the blue revert to his old ways of thinking, and acting almost as if he never stopped drinking. She said it never ends. So when they quit drinking, in some ways nothing changes.
At this point I have never had to experience living with a dry drunk. I have to say it's a little discouraging knowing that if my A does become sober there could still be thorns that come with the roses.
Regardless, if our alcoholic is active or a dry drunk it still goes back to Step One in our program.
"We admitted were are powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable."
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Friday 14th of January 2011 12:58:41 AM
In my personal experience with husb , a dry drunk - he looks like acts like he was drinking , angry had that twist to his mouth that almost looked like he hated you when talking to you and for me the clincher is when I get in the shower and see his razor there , husb in his last yr of drinking always shaved in the shower said he culdnt stand to look at himself in the mirror , so when razor is in the shower its a tip off for me to just get busy and mind my own business till it passes - in 20 yrs of recovery he has had 3 to my knowledge.. just my experience ..
I believe my dh was a dry drunk for all the years after we quit drinking. I thought that if the drinking stopped, so would the rage issues, the depression, the fault finding and criticisms. NOPE: actually at times it was worse. At least when he was drinking, he would eventually pass out. When he has all his wits about him, he became even more combative and more verbal.
He's gotten much better in the past 2-3 years. The episodes are few and far between and he is very quick to apologize and to admit to wrong doing. Whereas, years ago, he never asked for forgiveness after his explosions or tirades. Of course, now he's drinking again so we'll see what transpires. I remember thinking(about 14 years ago, 1 year after we married): maybe he should just start drinking again. This is just torture, what have I married? I thought we were starting our marriage off alcohol-free and that it would be a beautiful start. WRONG. I have learned so much along the way and I'm still learning. One thing I have learned is that those alcoholic tendencies are ingrained in their being and it's not just going to disappear overnight. It's taken years of love, sacrifice, late night conversations, and tears to get us to this point. And, what does he do? Starts drinking again! UGH!
I am just learning about the dry drunk myself. My Abf is for sure a dry drunk. He has been sober for three years and yet he still has the tendencies of when he was drinking. The mood swings, extreme personality changes. His mood changes alter and shift in periods of a few months vs a few days. But when the rotton comes out you would swear he was drinking, but like previously posted he would piss clean. This is one of the most difficult things to deal with because I believed that when he got sober he would be different. That's where the support you can get from alanon helps. I was going crazy with all the mood and personality changes. Before I heard about dry drunks I swore he was bipolar!
This is very interesting to me - I'm grateful to learn something new. I've never experienced this phenomenon with any of the alcoholics in my life. I'm happy to at least know that it exists, though, and to file this information away in my "stuff about alcoholism" file.
for me "dry drunk" is a person who abstains from alcohol but does nothing to change thier behaviors, learn new and better coping skills and in short pretty much acts like the drunk they were before just without the alcohol. thats my opinion
If flaws in someone cause poor behaviors while drinking, and drinking is removed that does not remove the flaws.
To remove faults and not replace them with something good leaves a void.
Removing unacceptable behaviors is only part of the job. To replace them with good behaviors is unlearning the bad plus learning the good. The next step is to practice the good and make it second nature. This might be the best way to hang up a no vacancy sign to the return of those poor behaviors.
A further thought: Truly recovering people do not waste their lives proclaiming innocence. It is far too big of a job to unlearn a lifetime of violating others to waste time. Denial is not a characteristic that promotes change. Maybe the first prayer in recovery should be for permanence. Permanence is accomplished by having the awareness, dedication and help to work on the whole person not just drinking.
-- Edited by All I can be on Sunday 16th of January 2011 09:26:38 AM
