The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Recently I don't know why, I am feeling badly. I was trying a lot last week in every area of my life (health, Alanon, studies, schedule), and just kind of ran out of steam. I think maybe I have just entered some sort of delayed grieving over my canceled wedding (mid-October), and fed up about still not knowing where it's going with A fiancé (he is floundering and promising and not drinking, but pretty much refusing recovery so far). With my work and studies, I am feeling especially overwhelmed and lacking self-confidence - feeling like a fraud and pessimistic about the job market and my ability to advance. Because of that, I am scared I will never have the option to be independent even if I want to.
Sorry to be a downer. I don't know why this is all happening now. Maybe it's the Minnesota January getting me down....for my F2F Alanon, I recently got a sponsor, and joined a 4th step group. I have things lined up. I guess I just feel I have so far to go, am losing faith, have lost any sense of my Higher Power (it was hard to get there in the first place).
I am just wondering if others have reached this sort of "rut" state and then kind of panicked, lost faith. What gets you through it?
I remember the long grey winters when I lived in Boston for a time, boy, did I miss California. It was never as long and grey as some of those years I spent with the disease of alcoholism.
Sounds like your feeling overwhelmed a bit. Time to take a breath, relax, let go and connect with your higher power . Yes, there have been times thru the years that I felt defeated and gave up faith, it would never last long. Reading always helped, the Alanon material, My little blue ODAT book is never far , its like my bible, in the back it lists whatever emotion or problem your feeling and you can turn to the page. I remember I would take it on my lunch breaks and read it until I felt better, It always lifted my spirits. I agree with Jerry, nothing lasts forever, we are in constant flux even though we dont feel that were advancing. This era is such a challenging time and it won't do yourself any good to berate yourself. Everythng in its time.
That "Just for Today"pamphlet, it got me thru many days and nites of desperation.Such a wonderful spiritual message. Remember, above all Alanon is primary, its your saving grace.
Keep coming back. Luv, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Thursday 13th of January 2011 08:40:35 PM
-- Edited by Bettina on Thursday 13th of January 2011 08:41:32 PM
-- Edited by Bettina on Thursday 13th of January 2011 08:42:20 PM
For me it is listing my gratitude list. There will always be negatives, fears and pressures in life. However; finding what I'm grateful for today does wonders for my mood and attitude. It helps me want to give thanks, rather then feel sorry for myself or overwhelmed. It makes me want to move forward.
Your not a downer your human but your projecting negative turn it around , there is no rush to get married graduate find that dream job and you do it for you ... you have come this far you can bring it to closure ..* hugs* keep going to your meetings and your eye on your goals your gonna be just fine You bf has a higher power too he will take care of him ..focus on yourself now . Louise
All great ideas that everybody has posted. We all feel like that, from time to time. We are not always on top of the world. I read my Courage to Change, One Day at a Time, my Bible, pray, exercise, attend meetings, get a manicure, have coffee with a friend and do something somewhat mindless, like housework and laundry! I try not to just lay around and obsess about past, present and future - that's where I get stuck. Hope this helps.
I am one of those wierd winter people. I thrive in the winter and get blue in the summer. I was feeling the way you are on New Year's Eve 2010. I think everything just hit and that was it.
Jerry is right, this all will pass. I find when I get this way, I have to stop everything. I am tapped out and the only way I can get it back is to practice lots of self love. I take care of me and my needs and noone else's. It sounds selfish. Recovery is selfish. It has to be. That's the way we get our life back. I indulge myself with simple pleasures: long bubble baths, staying in my jammies all day, indulging guilty pleasures. I take the time to refresh myself. It may sound superficial. For me, I don't get to do these type of things that often. So when I can spend the time doing something like this for me, I do. Making a gratitude list also helps.
Take a breath and step back. All will be well. You'll find your footing again. Recovery can't be rushed. This is a program of progress not perfection. Baby steps are a good thing. Look back at where you were in the chaos and be proud of how far you've come. You can do this.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I know whenever I am in the mode of being very frustrated with someone else's behavior I can get swept under. I have a boss who is very very controlling and sometimes I get absolutely exasperated with her. Today for the first time I noticed she has a chronic cough (she is a heavy smoker) and lots of allergies. Clearly her control isn't meted out to her own health. I can fume and resent someone so very easily.
Of course we all want to control and fix the alcoholics. Their behavior is exasperating particularly when our life is linked to their's. For now I have to put up with this boss but it will not be for ever. I also don't doubt I will have other equally exasperating people to deal with.
I know when I lived with the now ex A he had all kinds of plans, they were all magical, building a house, having a barbecue in the back yard, having vacations. I bought into all of them. He was and probably still is very persuasive. I really could not match the reality with his promises. I really could not see that my needs were not being met.
I still can be ready to hook my needs up with other's approval and acknowlegement. That comes automatically for me. These days I still have to work pretty hard on breaking them down, what are they, what are achievable and what do I have to "wait" for.
Living around an alcoholic in any fashion is not easy. If we marry them, if we date them if we have to work for them. That is where al anon skills really come into play and like any skill it needs a lot of work to learn how to, when to and what needs adjusting. I have been so merciless with myself most of my life when I really did not have the skill set to deal with crippling situations.
what works for me is the Al-Anon promises , I carried them in my purse for yrs and when I got discouraged i would read them they are the reason I kept going and working on me . I wanted those promises it was the way i wanted to live and happily I can say I have achieved them , check this board they are posted somewhere maybe a month ago ,copy them keep them close and read them often .. and always remember the slogan THIS TOO SHALL PASS . your never going to go thru the same thing at the same time with the same people again , it will pass . Louise
My dark moods clear up faster when I practice many of the suggestions already mentioned but it all starts with accepting that I am going to have those days or extended periods of time. And sometimes even giving in to them with the most depressing movie or songs or book I can find to squeeze the tears out and start over the next day with all the things that make me grateful to be right where I am today.
Even when I cant feel my HP/god I know that it is there.
I also had to get to where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and hating my life bc of "them". I was angry bc I felt it was their problem, not mine - but the absolute truth was that I didnt like my life and I wanted to change how I felt. I was the common denominator in my life, after all.
Practising letting go and surrednering me more and more to HP and to stop trying to run and control everything and get to being able to -only do that for me (control and change me) and to acccept them for who they are and not judge them and tell them how wrong they are - I had to stop thinking like that, as long as I focus on them, I am not working on me.
I think life ebbs and flows, we get a lot of good and we get a lot of dry spells. I was told that happiness and peace were inside jobs and even though it made me even angrier bc I didnt have that in that moment, I practised what I was taught about the tools - kept looking at my own motivations and reasons. Most of my behavior was about manipualtion and being a codie enalber, so I can see that my old coping mecchanisms that worked as a child, no longer work in my adult realtionships.
I agreee you are human. Maybe it is some pain about the new awareness ur gaining and coming out of denial, it is a painful process. Know that YOU can only control and change you and that is a full time job. I was also told that when I felt sad, that that was ok too and it is important to feel it out. After all without the darkness we dont see the light - as contrast. If ur feeling in a rut, ask yourself what you can to do allow you to feel better (in genral or ur situation) and take an action that will allow that. This is the magic question I ask myself whenever I feel like I dont know what is next - I bring it to me and what can I do to empower myself and focus on me and detach with love from thier life's choices.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I was feeling the way you are on New Year's Eve 2010. I think everything just hit and that was it. 