The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Feeling the need to post tonight, though no real topic. Just stuff, I guess... I am sitting in my 17 yr old son's bedroom, literally waiting for paint to dry. My exAh (now sober) came over today and we cleaned it out and primered it. It was hideous and depressing, and time for a change. I will let my son pick a paint color that I agree on. My son doesn't know what we've done, for I sent him off to visit some cousins out of state for 5 days. A good recovery choice for us both. Our winter break was 3 weeks, much too long for a single working mom. I had no difficulty keeping the younger ones supervised and safe, but he was killing me. My sis-in-law is divorced from my A brother. She has some great recovery under her belt and runs a tight but loving ship with her 5 kids. She offered to take him. An HP directed miracle as far as I am concerned. My son and I needed a break from each other, and he needed a change away from all that is here, with opportunity to talk, listen, get some perspective, and not be judged. I have no expecations, but is the perfect place right now and I have enjoyed the solitude for the past 5 days. I compare it to the feeling of when my exA went to rehab. Ahhhh... if only for a little while.
So my exAH and I worked together today. So happy I can appreciate the help, but not love him as to want him as my husband anymore even though he is sober. Things have changed big time. I was in the bathroom and his shirt was on the counter. Pockets full of "stuff". No desire to look and see. I didn't care. Such a great place to be. I remember the chaos and craziness, the looking, wondering, anxiety.... Now that I have been away from it for a while, I know what peace feels like and I desire it.
My best friend is newly divorced and dating someone. It is a constant roller-coaster where he has unacceptable behavior, and she always goes back. I can see the dysfunction so clearly and it bugs me and I don't know why, for it is none of my business (other than she talks to me all the time and I am always involved in the fallout). I guess the pleasure of having a boyfriend must be greater than the pain. Its hard for me to hold my tongue and just listen, but I do. I guess I think about it because a part of me wants someone in my life too, but the other part says I cannot withstand any hurt nor will tolerate any chaos. Guess that means I need to be alone for now. As if I have a choice. Ha! Ultimately, I just would like to know that I would be worthy of another relationship. I just want to know it could happen... Oh well...
Not really sure if that is ESH.. maybe just E for now...
Blessings,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Good share Lou. It's easy to see that you are taking care of yourself first, and that your life is filled with peace and serenity. Keep doing the next right thing of Lou.
Awwwww!! Lou, you are not alone and never have to be again. We got you and you got us and the fellowship and you will never get what you never wanted with us in your life. You are sooooo loved. (((((hugs)))))
I think your in a great place and handling your son very well.
I cant think of myself getting into a relationship with another man either. At least not now!
My daughter always laughs when I say, " Im all out of Love". I like the comradship of Alanon, of my friends that are women and men. Im enjoying it.
Been married three times, first time 8 years, 2nd time 10 years and the third with the A, 26 years, thats 44 years of marriage. Im 64 years old. Dont you think thats a lot of years to devote to marriage. I figure the rest of my life should be spent unmarried, not because Im afraid of it, or I dont want to be hurt(you cant be hurt unless you allow it.) but because its a choice.
And just wanted to say thanks, Lou, for posting the part about your friend. Made me realize that this is a perfect forum to talk about something that's been heavily on my mind about my best friend - so I opened my own topic so as not to hijack yours. ;)
My sister lived with then married the most horrid man on earth i swear. for years all i heard about how badly he treated her, he was lazy she supported him completly on and on. Of course she would throw him out from time to time and thinking i was being supportive i would throw my 2 cents in as to what a loser he was etc only to have them get back together and then both be mad at me for the things i said. Finally, honestly i couldnt listen to it or watch it anymore knowing i had no power to help her save herself. So I point blank told her that we could talk about anythin she wanted except her husband, he was totally off limits i could no longer listen to her complain only to take him back time after time, I also told her I would no longer be visiting her home while he was there because then i had to watch how badly he treated her and as this was during my prealanon days believe me I jumped to her rescue everytime. again later only to be made out to be the bad guy. In my eyes her husband was just dead to me. If she chose to stay with him so be it but I no longer wanted to be involved in thier drama. Today i can happily say she is nearing the end of her divorce So I totally get where you are coming from Blessings
