The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There is a meeting tonight. I really want to go to it, but am so nervous...
I'm typically OK with doing new things, but for some reason I'm nervous about attending my first meeting... I don't want to have to talk, or even identify myself. If I could attend while being invisible that would be perfect. I know it'll be helpful, it's just that first step that's so terrifying...
My Mom offered to go also (she's a recovering A herself, but her husband is active). I feel sort of silly needing "my Mommy" to go with me at age 33.
If someone were to say to me everything I just typed above, I would have no problem telling them all the great reasons why they should go. It's just harder when it's yourself I suppose.
Now that I read this post over, it's quite obvious I'm fishing for words of encouragement... LOL. I suppose just hearing about what to expect at the meeting would help, if anyone could enlighten me?
(PS: Tried the chat meeting here but my computer won't allow me to join...)
I am in the same boat as you.. have been putting it off for a few weeks.. mostly b/c I can't find the time to go. But I know I will definitely be nervous! First of all I am sort of shy with strangers. Second of all, the whole thing seems really overwhelming and lastly, I feel like if I go, I am definitely admitting there is a problem... its easier to just pretend there isn't!
So unfortunately, I don't have anything to make you feel better, but I just wanted to say I understand where you are coming from! I am definitely going to go.. probably next week! Good luck.. you can do it!
i too felt just like you before i went to my first meeting. physically feeling sick and couldnt stop crying. i guess everybody there had once felt the same as me and knew how i was feeling.
i had no idea what to expect. i go to a daytime meeting and there is normally about 10 people there. i feel very comfortable with that but i have met some people who feel more comfortable in a larger group where they feel more invisible.
it took me a few weeks to get the hang of how things worked but everybody was so kind and understanding i have never once regretted going but i so understand how hard it is to make that first step. i felt like i had failed by admitting i could no longer cope with the situation i was in.
we only use first names and as it is a small group we all get a chance to share but there is no presure to talk if you dont want to. If we have a newcomer we normally change the format of the meeting to make things as comfortable as we can for them. And if they want to watch from the sidelines thats ok too.
hope that helps. wishing you well whatever you decide. my only regret now is that i didnt go sooner
love dc x
ps - apologies for lack of caps etc but i have multiple sclerosis and relapse means i can only use 2 fingers at the mo.
Ok - firstly everybody is a newcomer at some point. It is nerve-racking but perhaps mainly as Angeliki notes it feels strange admitting to yourself that there might be a problem.
In my first meeting I was pleasantly surprised to find a friendly mixed group, I was not forced to say anything - indeed was advised to listen, there is newcomers welcome and I hope you find it helps to put you at ease - remember you do not have to say anything unless you want to. You will hear many things which might seem puzzling at first, and that is why we are all advised to attend 6 meetings before you decide if al-anon is for you.
The one thing I found immediately was a sense of love in the room and I was given some literature to read and as time moved on I knew I was in the right place. That was some time ago and for me al-anon has been a lifesaver, to be able to feel safe with people who can truly understand is a god given gift.
I hope you get to a meeting it might prove to be the best thing you can ever do for.....YOU!
Hugs
-- Edited by flinn66 on Thursday 6th of January 2011 05:15:18 PM
Just remember the same support you receive here is the same support you'll receive in the meetings and then some. We're all people, regardless of whether we're face to face or sitting at our computer.
The nice thing about face-to-face meetings, however, is that you get to receive all the non-verbal communication. The nodding heads, the grunts and chuckles of agreement, the pat on the shoulder, the hug, the smiles, even the tears. It's all there.
I found this disease robbed me for a while of compassionate human interaction. I was alone even though I was living with someone. The meeting rooms gave me back that interaction that I was so missing in my home.
You don't have to speak at all - you may be asked to share your name, but that's the extent. We're not pushy... we respect the need to not talk because we've all been there ourselves.
Can't wait to hear how your first meeting went. :)
One of the things that the disease of alcoholism robs us of is self confidence...it's that thing that keeps us withdrawn and isolated and away from getting help. Could be where you're at right now? You deserved to hear the stories of those in recovery to know that there are many who have gone on to happiness, joy and freedom from the depressing spirit killing affects of this family disease. Many of those many who have gone beyond just survival to really living are in the rooms and are willing to share their journey with you and others like you. Pack up a bit of self confidence with you...call Mom and say "Let's go to the meeting tonight"...and then go.
Let us know how it comes out afterward in a post cause were dying to hear about another miracle starting up. ((((hugs)))) In support
What you will find are members who understand you as perhaps no one else can. Members who have been where you are. You might be nervous now, everyone was before stepping in to their first meeting. Don't worry, no one will bite you, but several might give you a hug.
What I can tell you is this....When you leave the meeting you will realize you have found a new family. Most important you will realize you are not be alone anymore.
Keep coming back. Tell us about your first meeting.
Here's Your First Hug Mandy, HUG RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 6th of January 2011 06:11:06 PM
Hi there.... all I can offer is my experience.... going to Al-Anon meetings was the best thing I could have ever done for myself.... I learned so much, and (equally as important) grew so much, in my recovery.....
Like many, I did it the hard way.... I first went - approximately ten years ago - and was disappointed.... All I saw was a bunch of bitter old ladies, complaining about their A - husbands..... I didn't go back, for almost two years, and my life got (even more) unmanageable.... I finally made my way back, and what I found was a bunch of loving & supportive people, who I quickly learned to love & appreciate.... They understood me... they didn't judge me..... and they supported me.....
Funny thing is - it was the same group that I had walked away from two years earlier!! (Boy, had they learned a lot in those two years!! lol).
I think..... I was finally "sick and tired of being sick and tired", and so Al-Anon did me a world of good....
Here's hoping that you get that same positive effect tonight...
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I went to my first meeting because I was at the end of my emotional rope. Nothing could possibly be worse than the pain I was in. Much to my delight, it turned out to be a very positive experience, and I left there shaking my head wondering what on earth I had ever been afraid of.
There have been quite a few mother/daughter pairs show up at my home group. Al-Anoners certainly understand the need to have a supportive person with you.
__________________
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
I went to my second 'first' meeting tonight. I had gone to a first meeting a few months ago and then I got really really sick and could only attend online. I moved into my parents home and went again to a meeting for the 'first' time in my new town and it was wonderful. There is nothing like it and people were so welcoming. I thought my story would be pretty ridiculous. Married two alcoholics, second marriage only lasted 2 months but their stories were similar, to downright identical to mine and it made me feel good. People gave me hugs and it was really healing. It does your soul good. I know people think they are too busy to go but imagine that you've been summoned for jury duty, you'd move some stuff around to get to that so you can do the same for this and you are far more important than court!
I went to my first meeting a little over a year ago. Until this past Monday, I hadn't been in about 6 months. Long story short, I missed my home group and decided that was where I really belonged.
Everyone at a meeting has had a first meeting at some point. One of my favorite things about the program is that even people who have been working it for a long, long time still come. They share their experience, strength, and hope with those of us who really need to hear it.
