In need of ADVISE!!! please help... - Al-Anon Family Group

posusta · Newbie

In need of ADVISE!!! please help...

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, first of all I would say you have not seen him drunk or have seen him drink.

It is hearsay.

Hon it is not our responsibility to report on anyone. Your brother has put in some time in recovery. He is an adult, what he does is totally up to him.

We are not responsible for the addict in our life. His business is his to share or keep to himself.

I can tell you care about him very much.In Al Anon teaches us the best way we can help our loved one is allow them the integrity to their own life.

Hope this helps you. You sound like a very kind person.

debralyn

clep · Senior Member

I have found that nothing I can do will stop an addict from the road they are on. Telling someone else will do nothing as the person I am telling is also powerless over the situation.

I remind myself often that what someone else does is none of my business. If I try to make it my business it still isn't.

I work on myself and how I choose to deal with the situation, as that is the only area I can make a difference in.

I have my own recovery to deal with. My addict has his addiction and I have my codependency and obsession with my addict to deal with.

I do that by working an Al-anon program to the best of my ability. I remind myself often of what my A used to say to me when he is in recovery. "I will touch my finger to the end of my nose and remember....I do not have any control over anything past the end of my nose".

Blessings.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

*Something led him to drink it * yes it did and its called disease , this disease waits for a weak moment and boom it tells the A that one drink won t hurt ..
cunning baffling and powerful as it says in the big book this disease can be arrested never cured . Its not your place to tell you parents , like has already been said its hearsay you didnt see it yourself , hopfully he will realize the danger and stop . please find a meeting for yourself this is just too hard to deal with alone . Louise

sunflowergirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Everyone's shares are great here, and I will say what was said to me when I first went to an alanon meeting: I didn't cause him to drink, I can't control his drinking and I can't cure his drinking. I was also told about the first step which states that I am powerless over alcohol (and everything else but me). I am powerless over outcomes, people, places, events, futures, things, weather, and everything that gets me down. I am learning to not allow my disease (which is my pain from my childhood) rule me anymore. I am learning to focus on me and only me. By that I mean really taking a look at me in all areas. I use the tools of alanon in all my affairs and I can see where I used to mess up, and now can change that. Reacting is the biggest thing, don't react, give it some time and thought and respond carefully and with your best interest in mind. I know its hard with brothers. I have one myself who was into drugs and drinking really bad. I detached with love and now he is on his own path and I don't sit around worried about him all day. Nor do I worry about the abf in my life, I allow him to be himself and its working! He is on his path of recovery right now :) Nothing changes if nothing changes.... you have to change you and your reactions. Thats all that can be done. HUGS! Welcome here, keep coming back! This program works when we work it :)

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Your brother has had enough sobriety under his belt, he knows exactly where to go for help if he needs it.
as was stated above, you did not witness this occurance so personally I wouldn't even mention it.
As far as the counslor telling you basically that you are your brothers keeper and should tell your parents should he do anything wrong I would totally disagree.
It is not your job to "out" your brother to anyone especially on heresay
I am wondering if during his counseling sessions if they informed the family of the alanon program. If they didn't weather your brother is drinkin/using or not it will be a place of healing for you and your parents.
And as a mother of an addict i can tell you should your brother relapse your parents will know soon enough.
Right now you are obsessing on heresay and on what may trigger your brothers drinking, I think most here will agree with me when I say for and addict/alcoholic any excuse will do. he may be having problems with his gf or it could just be because it thursday....in fact the just want a drink or a high the excuse comes later when they need to answer for thier behaviors and it will always be someones esles fault.
You didnt cause, cant control and cant cure your brothers disease. Nor can you blame anyone else such as his gf whom you said was not sober.
Just as you can't make a person who doesn't want to drink, drink
you also can't stop them from taking a drink if that is thier choice.
As I said, i really wouldn't dwell on heresay and even if you see it for yourself the best and only thing you can do is find your own recovery.....you can not control anyone elses actions other than your own.
I am not sure these were the answers you were looking for....I know i came here thinking i would learn how to "fix" my son and really almost left when I found out this program was about getting ME healthy thankfully i stayed and I will be here for life because truth be told many of us get here just as sick if not sicker than our loved ones with this disease.
Please find meetings in your area
Keep us posted
Blessings

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