The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Aloha Kakahiaka Ohana (good morning family...just exercising the language)!!
I've done some reading here this morning and some of it keyed a lesson I got early in recovery part of which came from inside of the ODAAT daily reader which said something like "I say I would do anything to help my alcoholic recover...except get off of her back." After I got my breath back on that truth I thought and discussed with my sponsor the ways I held my alcoholic back...always trying to make her the looser and me the winner in a disease that has neither. My sponsor taught me to replace the word "but" with the word "and" when I was speaking of her or her part in our relationship. He told me that if I said something good about her and then followed it up with a "but" all the good I just said about her had no value and there fore she didn't either. He taught me to use the word "and"...She is a beautiful woman in many ways and humorous and a good cook; a child of God...."and" an alcoholic suffering from a life threatening disease and which hurts and harms all that come in contact with it.
I hardly ever use my "but" anymore when I'm thinking. Thanks for letting me share that. ((((hugs))))
Thank you. As someone in the early stages of this process, I can attest to how hard this is and I really admire people like yourself who have achieved this.
Such a simple way to completely reframe our thinking!
Thank you for this, Jerry.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
My sponsor has told me the same thing Jerry, AND I work hard on that one every day :) I feel using the word however will work too, like when I say: I am so glad I have a job, however, its hard to work in the same place as my ex husband.... It leaves it open for me to work on changing what I can ie: being proactive and looking for other work. The word TRY is also another word I am working on getting out of my vocabulary. When I try, I am not doing or working the program. Like Yoda said on Star Wars: There is no try, there is only do.... :) Thanks Jerry!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
omg Jerry - so we have to take some personal responsibility for our own actions in all of this??? Say it ain't so!!!!! "BUT" there must be another way! lol
Thanks for the awesome reminder
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
That's magical Sunflower and really supports my own understanding. I tried However at times over the years and it made me lean more toward "but" then "and" so I only consider it at times without hanging on to it. When I am into excuses and justifications I'm into blaming other people, places and things and then I won't have to be responsible. Thanks for the feedback. ((((hugs))))
