Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> He Died
Post Info TOPIC: He Died
ditto


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 130
Date:
He Died
Permalink  

I haven't been here in forever.  I divorced my AH in 2006 and since then I have been living a very calm life.  In truth I cannot even say I have missed him.  He was very abusive to me and I was frightened of him much of the time.

Today through a fluke of luck I discovered that he passed away this past September.  I have gone through feelings of sadness, feeling happy that he no longer poses a threat to me, and back to sadness that our relationship was such that I wasn't told of his passing and that he didn't call to put things to rights before he died.

Just before the divorce became final and he was ordered to leave my house, I discovered blood in his urine.  I begged him to see a doctor, but he said he knew what was wrong with him and then melodramatically told me he wouldn't be alive past 1 year.   He said he didn't care and wanted to die.  I figured he was not telling the truth.  He never spoke the truth.  That was part of his illness.  I learned not to trust anything he said.

But... maybe he was telling the truth after all.  And maybe that is why he drank so much.  I will never know.

__________________
Christy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3223
Date:
Permalink  

sorry ditto,

We're human.  We will always think and wonder about what could have been. 
I hope you and your XA have both found peace.

Christy

__________________

If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
bud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2081
Date:
Permalink  

I am so sorry for your loss.

My daughter asked me how long I thought ADad would live. I don't know, but I would not be surprised if he is living off of borrowed time. Two years ago he told me he had a terminal illness (a kind of cancer), this past spring he remarried, and he seems to be ok and I hear no more talk about him not having long to live.

It is such a strong, cunning, powerful, and baffling disease and it breeds distrust among many other destructive things; it is so sad, but it is not possible to love them to well being. It is human, but not healthy to explore the coulda woulda shouldas... you did what you had to/ believed what you did at the time with the information that you had.

Be gentle with you.

__________________
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Dear Ditto

This disease is truly cunning and powerful.  As others have suggested, be gentle with yourself.

I will include your x in my prayers this week.



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Karilynn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3656
Date:
Permalink  

(((Ditto))),

I remember Tim said the same thing to me. I couldn't get him to tell me what the doctor said, and I figured when he said that we was dying he meant that he could no longer fight this disease.  A part of that is true.  He had no more fight left in him.  He had been fighting all his life. 

Please be gentle with yourself.  You did the best you could at that moment in time.  Please come back to us.  There are lots of newbies who could use your insight.  Peace to both you and your ex.  Much love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty pray.gif

__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Tracy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 987
Date:
Permalink  

Take care of you Ditto
He is at peace with his HP free at last

hugs

__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Ditto there was a time in your life you must have loved him as you married him.

I am so sad this horrible disease took him away from  you. I am glad you had some time to heal up before he died. Still has to be very hard.

When they are so miserable, to me it is no different than when we have a loved one who is dieing of cancer and you pray for the creator to please take them. Some A's are so sick and in misery.

I know the ex AH in my life is one of those. He has been thru so much and will be again when he is out of prison and will use again. It will hurt no matter when, when he goes, as I knew him when he was young, and again older and well.

Even though it has been awhile I hope you will be kind to yourself. Loss sneaks up on us.
Sending you love,debilyn

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
suave75


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 34
Date:
Permalink  

I am so sorry.no I have loss a family member due to drug and alcohol. It's a horrble way to die. Try not to blame yourself.

__________________

Take it one day at a time. If that is too much take it a minute at a time.
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> He Died