The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One trip at a time always leads to one step at a time. Trips are not encouraged but they make us grow. There is also nothing wrong with falling down.....unless we decide not to get up.
I to am glad the program allows me to start over every day !!
When I act out on my disease or obsession, I feel like crap afterwards. It's a lesson I have to learn until I get it. I will get it when I get it, and not a moment sooner. It's okay to be where you're at.
It never helps to bludgeon myself. Better to treat myself with lovingkindness, as I believe my Higher Power would.
There is a line in the BB that I think of often lately, "Just to the degree that we do as we believe He would have us do, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity." This line gives me great focus.
(suddenly I remember you struggle with belief in a HP... do you want to bring that to the fellowship? That would be a good post, I think.)
((hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I accept that I make mistakes, but I don't like them! My HP provides plenty of opportunities for practice when I make one, though.
Glad-lee - After I read your response, I realize that I am rarely acting on my disease or obsession. That is huge- the obsessing is contained. Now, this leaves me to focus on not obsessing (sounds like an oxymoron here, ha ha).
lori, There is nothing wrong with mistakes, as long as we dont defend them. freedom from alcoholism requires surrendering. I cant be surrenderd and defended at the same time, they are two mutualy exclusive positions. I have a real hard time not defending sometimes, and boy do I pay for it, and sometimes the people around me pay too, and it aint there fault. Thank God the program gives us steps and tools to find our way to the surrender, but sometimes the road to surrender is a real bitch.
Now is a good time, its really all there is.
-- Edited by liam on Monday 3rd of January 2011 01:18:05 AM
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The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. ----- Samuel Johnson
I want to thank you all for your responses. And yes today is a new day. I thrive in the morning so it always seems brighter lol.
I know I am not proud of my words (could have been better, could have been a lot worse), but I cannot be perfect. I am admitting that I got caught up in the moment, once again reminding me that I do not need to defend (thank you).
I may be making a bad decision today as well. I am choosing to have a conversation where once again I will set my boundary. I am falling into the "give it just one more try" mode, or try it differently. I can admit this to you all, knowing that it's probably not the best idea. I will not hide out until things fall apart and I am back here singing the blues.
I know what I need or want to do right now. I might regret it later, but then again I might not. I have no expectations (or so I say). Patterns are hard to break (my fave lately).
Guess I don't know what else to say. If we can't have a civil conversation at this point, then there is no point. I'm not sure how many times I have to see it to believe it, haha. I'm coming along.
Thanks again, and I hope everyone can have a peaceful, rewarding day. We only have so many.
