New... I sad and hurt... UPDATE - Al-Anon Family Group

suave75 · Veteran Member

New... I sad and hurt... UPDATE

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry. Sadly, this is par for the course for addictions. It is one of the greatest challenges of being in our own recovery, not to have expectations of the addict. I also used to feel as if I couldn't go on without him. If he was going to be sunk in alcohol, I just couldn't go on, I thought. This must be how the drinker or addict thinks about his substance -- he just can't go on without it.

But since we're farther back from their insanity, we know that if they worked their program, they could have a good life without their addiction. And so we have to trust that we too could have a good life without being dependent on our own addiction -- the addict. We can detach and love them from enough distance to protect ourselves.

These are hard times and you need and deserve all the support you can get. Is there a nearby meeting today? Tomorrow at the latest? Start thinking about a sponsor? Come to the meetings online? Order and read some more of the materials? All of the above? Please take good care of yourself. Know that nearly everyone on these boards has been in an almost identical situation and made it through. But we know how it tears you apart. Hugs.

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Sorry this is happening to you.
My son was in a 30 day rehab saying and doing all the right things, came out after 30 days only to immediatly go out and use again.
I also felt defeated, my only recourse was the legal system...I turned him in to his probation officer who came picked him up and took him to jail, from there he was ordered by the judge to be in the jail/rehab unit. he was there 10 months and he needed every minute of it.
Today he is 2 weeks out of jail and doing well ( knock on wood ).
But to regain my sanity I needed to completly surrender myself and my son to my HP (whom I call God) only in doing that was I able to stop obsessing on my son and put the focus on me because I was just as sick as he...I was addicted to him you could say
Please keep or start going to alanon meetings in your area or join us here online where we hold meeting twice daily
Let us help you, help yourself
Blessings

suave75 · Veteran Member

Thank for all your kind words. I really appreciate it. I am taking it moment by moment.

maire rua · ~*Service Worker*~

This is horrible for you and you are in my thoughts and prayer, perhaps he will be ready for treatment when he hits his rock bottom. Unfortunately we cannot do that for other people.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sad for the feeling I know you have inside. I actually went and got a hot water bottle to put on my tummy. It does ease it some.

I know its hard to eat and drink. I would sip as much water as you can, if you eat meat, warmed up chicken broth is very helpful. All I could eat when my AH first left was canned enchiladas.. strange huh?

Its important to eat as it is so hard on your body to be stressed like this.

If you can, nap.

I was blessed to spend a lot of time with DD kids. I LOVED it. I taught sp. ed. We would take the kids all over the place, fishing. I got two CP kids on a roller coaster! We brought them to my house to ride my sweet horse.

I don't know if you can get to meetings? Do you have respite care? We do have meetings here, and the chat room can be helpful.

It helped me to keep very busy tiring myself out. It does get better, is temporary, the pain does lessen. The more one sleeps the better.

Myself I get lost in a book, or a good movie. Life is so darn hard. I know you know that.

Come here as much as you need. Getting all the pain out to others who care and understand helps.

Sending you hugs,debilyn

suave75 · Veteran Member

Debilyn wrote:

I am sad for the feeling I know you have inside. I actually went and got a hot water bottle to put on my tummy. It does ease it some.

I know its hard to eat and drink. I would sip as much water as you can, if you eat meat, warmed up chicken broth is very helpful. All I could eat when my AH first left was canned enchiladas.. strange huh?

Its important to eat as it is so hard on your body to be stressed like this.

If you can, nap.

I was blessed to spend a lot of time with DD kids. I LOVED it. I taught sp. ed. We would take the kids all over the place, fishing. I got two CP kids on a roller coaster! We brought them to my house to ride my sweet horse.

I don't know if you can get to meetings? Do you have respite care? We do have meetings here, and the chat room can be helpful.

It helped me to keep very busy tiring myself out. It does get better, is temporary, the pain does lessen. The more one sleeps the better.

Myself I get lost in a book, or a good movie. Life is so darn hard. I know you know that.

Come here as much as you need. Getting all the pain out to others who care and understand helps.

Sending you hugs,debilyn

Thanks for the words of advice. I do have respite. I plan to call the providers on Monday for next weekend. I know I need to keep busy. Its hard to muster up the energy.I feel so lost alone.

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

There is no need to be alone.
When my A ia active I go to lots of meetings no matter how much I want to isolate and cry. I read read and read some more to stop the obsessing. If you have contact numbers of al anon memebers use them if not please try and get some. Come on here it always makes me feel more serene, come to the on line meetings take your al anon medicine it helps you to get better. We can not make the A better in fact I think I helped to keep mine sick by doing the wrong things for the right reasons i loved him. Today I let him fall he is a grown man. Today he is sober, and his life is his own. I am working hard to look after me, you are worth it.

take what you like and leave the rest

hugs

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