The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today was hard. I have been thinking about my ex a a ton lately. I went to a movie with a couple of my guy friends and it was really fun. But then the end came and of course there was a perfect kiss. And of course I was lonely. It sucked. Luckily I have good friends who were there to cheer me up. But I slipped. I called him. Luckily it was past midnight and he was asleep. Or he ignored my call, I don't know. But still. I can't stop thinking about him. And I am hanging out with two great guys who are awesome friends but they are guys and I'm having a very hard time containing my lonliness. But I'm not going to do anything. I just feel horrible. Anyways, I'll be ok. I just need to stay on here even if I'm not doing so well. Thanks for reading.
It is lonely with or without an active A. The loneliness can become exquisitely painful. Keeping busy, working the steps, working the program are good solutions. At a step meeting this week, someone said that if the steps are worked correctly, we will no longer be experiencing this kind of painful loneliness. I hope this is true and I'm working step 4.
Changing the focus on ourselves takes time and practice. I pinned my hopes and dreams on the A, so I'm not only missing his good but also missing the hope of my dreams. I know it is up to me to create new dreams and do my best to enjoy what I can from life- I am not able to have the family unit exactly how I wanted it, but I do feel blessed to have my daughter. I did not want to be alone at this stage of life, but it is where my path led me and I can only move forward one step at a time.
