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Just wondering if anyone else on the board feels "left out" tonight. Since my AH had problems with alcohol, we have not been invited to the usual Christmas parties and News Years Eve Parties. We have friends who love us and I have a best friend who includes me in almost everything else...but when it comes to a drinking situation...we are not invited. I KNOW it has little to do with me, but it still rubs me the wrong way. My AH is actively drinking and people just aren't comfortable being arund him. He can also act strangely and has undergone gone noticable personality changes, even when sober. I completely understand why we are left out. I know that if I called and invited myself alone, they would welcome me. I am not angry at anyone...except the disease. It robs us of so much. Anyways, thanks for hearing me out.
I perfectly understand. I don't think it is a case of intentially leaving you out and not really wanting you and your hushand to be in attendance. In the past several years I have noticed the same things happening in my life. I feel (I haven't asked) that our friends understand and are aware from past experiences that on ocassion things can get uncomfortable and awkward at times. For that reason I believe without saying, they are doing what is best for them, and in turn feel it is best for us. As for me it's part of the acceptance that comes with the program. I don't let it bother me nor do I harbor any resentments toward them. I think it is probably common and in the long run we are all better off for it.
I do remember those times and the feeling in my gut when I realized my wife was having more "fun" than anyone else at a party. I really don't miss those feelings. Tonight I'll bring in the New Year at home, drinking coffee, and a cup or so of green Tea with lemon, while watching football bowl games on the tube. I'll be like a pig in the mud. LOL. And thankful our friends are allowing me to take care of myself first !!
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Friday 31st of December 2010 05:03:00 PM
I personaly do not have any friends that drink anymore. All the people I have anything to do with are on the road to recovery. Its not that I'm a snob or anything. I burned my life down, and by the time I got to the rooms, no one wanted me around anyway. It was really a blessing. To night is a big night for program people. The AA/Alanon clubs all over the world will be doing something, along with meetings all night long. Why dont you find out where there is one near you and attend. You wont be left out there if you dont want to be. And even though there maybe more AA then Alanon there it shouldnt matter, this is a family disease. Call your local AA central office or Alanon information center. At a meeting I go to in Gardnervill NV we close the meeting with " let this circle represent you only have to be alone if you want to. I'm just sayin.
__________________
The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. ----- Samuel Johnson
I don't feel left out tonight. I won't be with my family, child or A. I will be volunteering with the homeless till after the bell strikes twelve. I couldn't think of a better way to ring in the new year.
Maybe you could do something without your A tonight, or something just for yourself.
Oddly I'm not left out tonight in the sense that wife's family is over and I had some friends as well. That said I often feel left out. Wife's issues make me afraid to have friends or family over as it can get pretty uncomfortable. I feel left out all the days........familiar feeling. It may be somewhat unfair but wife has kind of alienated friends and family to the point where it's really awkward to get together. We do anyway sometimes (she won't deny my family and friends) it just gets uncomfortable.
I did not feel 'left out' at New Year, frankly I was happy to be out of the usual chaos that alcohol causes. My A did not drink but was in a depressive and restless state nevertheless (or perhaps because).
I went to a lovely face to face meeting this morning and felt the real joy and hopefulness that I needed, such that for now at least I can feel serenity and that is the best gift I could ask for in 2011,
