Around the 21st of this month my wife and I were cleaning up stuff...lightening the
load because we've collected   s t u f f  from other times and other places and some
of the stuff were old photographs (Dang was she a looker back then and Dang we
were a handsome couple   LOL).  Memories are great huh? ...and then that one
photo of my ex-sponsors.  My first and my third and there is no use trying not to
smile because remembering early growth with good sponsors is like watching an old
"puppy training" film.  I went from happiness to missing them.  They gave me all
they had plus they hung with a crazy person attempting to re-recognize the difference
between his right and left feet and then keep them on the proper sides of his body
and in the proper pair of shoes.  Tough times with great teachers.

My first sponsor was my first program rule breaker...I was told men on men and
women on women and I was oppositional/defiant and going to do it my way because
that was my habit and I was looking to stay in control.  "Women are easier to get
around" my less than Al-Anon experienced alter ego told me and so I asked with
justification (not a whole lot of guys in program at that time) and did a couple
"cute" antics to seal the deal which earned me more than I had asked for.  I tried
"poor me's" "pity pot performances" with her even a "I think I'll step in front of this
bus" routine while making a crises call to her.  Her response was "well if you call me
back later I'll know that you decided not to or the bus missed and if you don't then
it won't matter will it?" and then she hung up on me. I didn't step in front
of the bus (there was one for real) because I still had a few more acts in my bag
that I thought she might fall for.  I tried showing up at her place for a 4th step gig
with a blank piece of paper and a pencil thinking she'd do it for me and got kicked
out of her house.  Was I a failure?  No I was a duck thinking I could soar like an
eagle....a newbie...a didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know.   She loved me
right up to and including turning me over to her HP and another "male" sponsor.  I
was my own worse enemy and she didn't need another anchor like she had had before.

My third sponsor was the Don'T I speak about at times here...my HP's special
model...opposite in nature and character than I was and willing to teach me that
was what I needed to be...opposite what I was then.

I looked at the photo and got misty eyed and spirit.  I miss them and prayed they
were okay where ever they are.  I want the best for them.  They gave me their best.
Like soooo often when I say that prayer my HP...God as I understand God...who
feels that I am so special and gets excited about dropping miracles in my path decides
"Hey yeah...this one will make him act like he's been tazed" and today, this afternoon
when I went to get the mail there was a Christmas Card from my first sponsor...poking
around in my neighborhood asking if I was the guy from back then and I was tazed.

She's alive and happy and boy I couldn't wish for more than both of those things
for her at the same time.  The post date was on or about the day of the picture and
I told her that now I have a firm belief in spiritual connections...thanks partially to
her sponsorship and all who came after her, that cast of thousands who restored me
to sanity in the AFG.  How long has it been...18+ years and go figure I am more
grateful today than I was back then and still where she help plant (imbed) me and
then grow me.  Strange how at this morning's "stick" topic meeting (your topic is
written on a tongue depressor...LOL don't try to figure it out), my topic was "growth".

HP has whispered in my ear and kissed me lightly on the cheek again and I can hear
HP chuckle inside my spirit place and let my eyes tear up and my spirit feel tazed
over and over.   One thing I've learned in Al-Anon among a million others is that
you can literally turn your life over to the fellowship and get it saved.

I wish for this MIP family all the angels upon whose wings I was carried until I could
flop around on my own for a while.  I'm not the duck who first waddled into the room
back then and I'm not the eagle I thought I was...I'm just grateful to be a part of
the brood.   Thanks for letting me share.   ((((hugs))))