The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I began to call someone, proceed to this MIP board or run it over in my mind over and over again to complain about my AH. It doesn't work for me anymore to complain. I'm tired of complaining about him and it never gets me anywhere.
What does get me relief is to pray for him. I have prayed for him in many aspects: his finances, his health, his strength, etc. I really mean it too. I want him to be okay. Yet when I pray for my AH, I leave the results to God. He is the only one who can help my AH, not me.
I pray for wisdom and guidance with every little situation, and when I find myself carrying the burden of a problem, it is because I have not let go and let God.
My part is to pray and wait for the right action, not to react and be angry all the time. That doesn't help me or my family.
But wait, my negativity says!! By letting go he is getting away with it all!!!! I should be there to ......(fill in the blank).
No, I should not because, alas, I AM NOT GOD!!!
I have been playing God for a long time and I am not equipped to handle His job. So I will leave it up to him. ( which doesnt mean I become lazy, I keep praying and doing the next right thing)
This all takes practice. I am a perfectionist. So the slogan Progress not Perfection does not get me off the hook when I am not working my program and suffer the consequences, I see it as me being human and God being God. I am a work in progress and God is perfect. I can rely on his perfection and not my pseudo human perfection because there is none in me.
There is comfort in progress not perfection as well. I must look at any positive change in the way I act even if it only lasted a minute, then just keep building on it. Just keep practicing and working.
I'm so glad there are people like me out there. I never knew that other people had the same crazy thoughts circling around in their head just like me. My sponsor, and some of the members of the Al Anon group, and others all over have found the path to serenity, comfort and joy. I see new glimpses every day, even with the hurt and pain.
Kath, I LOVE this post. It is something I need to be reminded of. I often turn to prayer only in my darkest moments, and find myself begging and pleading with God to deliver the result I think is right. I am working on praying more often and more thoughtfully, and to turn my AH over to my higher power.
