The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have noticed several times in my readings that I see things in my A that al-anon might be very helpful for. He is really struggling in his program it seems and doesn't get how to fix some things. Upon seeing what he is saying, the things he is speaking of seem to be the things I am learning in my program. He grew up with alcoholism and I definitely see ACOA behaviors as well as behaviors of an A. Oh and codependency is quite severe for him as well. It is the one thing I really have to use my program to avoid dealing with where he is concerned.
Things in my program are going quite smoothly now and I still work it consistently. One thing I have noticed is that if my A and I are not together he seems to grasp his program quicker and better. When we are together, he struggles lots. I have noticed that seems to be based upon living for me. He can't seem to help himself.
Is there anyone out there that may have some insight as to whether Al-anon has been helpful for an alcoholic?
If the alcoholic is either an ACOA or bothered by someone else's alcohol consumption, AlAnon is there if the alcoholic wishes to seek it out. Lots of people are in both programs - I think that alcoholism and "Alanonism" are different sides of the same coin. The people that need both programs get one set of tools from one program and another set from the other program.
When I wanted to suggest Alanon to my stepfather (who has been married to my alcoholic mother for 20+ years of her drinking), my sponsor said I could give him an information packet and tell him that the program had really helped me - and leave it at that, let him look through the information, and if he wanted to seek it out he could do that. She said that just planting the seed for someone that wanted recovery would be enough, but that if someone didn't want recovery in Alanon I couldn't make them get it...just like I couldn't make an alcoholic stop drinking. It's a hard thing to keep the 11th Tradition - attraction rather than promotion - and not hard sell the program when you really believe that it can help someone else.
I've thought the same thing about my ABF, that he might benefit from Al-Anon. He certainly qualifies, as he's ACoA. And although he was in AA in his early years of sobriety, he has given it up now -- I figure any program would be better than no program at all, lol.
But he has mentioned an old AA buddy who prefers to attend Al-Anon over AA, so I guess he's well aware that the option is there for him. He doesn't need me to point it out.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
What a necessary thread information wise...and you all are right on. Offer it and/or cause an attraction and then turn it over along with the other stuff we turn over. AA's are welcomed in Al-Anon. ((((hugs))))
I did offer for him to come to our gratitude meeting and he didn't come. I didn't know if I was alone in seeing that Al-anon can be beneficial for an A. It seems to me that the issues with his childhood and deep seeded skills acquired at the time of childhood are still there and may not be working for him anymore. It seems to me like those issues may be hindering his AA program.
I feel like attraction rather than promotion would be better suited here. I have a large amount of Al-anon literature that he can pick up if he so chooses. It can be difficult when he is expressing through action going through many of the same things I did at the beginning of my program, but just like me I had to want it and so does he.
I'n one of my mad desperate dashes to alanon this summer in vegas, I was talking to a guy who was in alanon 42 or 43 years. He asked me if I was comfortable with my own sobriaty in AA. I told him yes. He said in his experience, once an Alky is comfortable in there sobriaty, all there issues are alanon issues. And he was right on the money with me. I have gotton so sick I dont even recognise my self. Things I could never imagining doing, i've done. About 4 years ago when my agf started drinking, I found my self driving around to all the bars looking for her. About the second time doing this, I thought to my self, I have become my ex wife. I have two of them that did the same thing when I was out there. I heard a old timer lady the other day say that the only difference between her and her alky is that she never had the obsession to drink. I believe thats true. When I look back at both of my marriges that when south, I was the alky, But we both did the dance of death. I.m so glad that I have hit this bottom and made it to alanon. I guess GOD see's to it that when the student is ready, the teacher apears.
-- Edited by liam on Monday 27th of December 2010 02:42:59 AM
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The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. ----- Samuel Johnson
I suspect that not only would Al-Anon be beneficial for many alcoholics, it would also be beneficial for many people who've had no problems with alcohol or alcoholics at all. It offers tools for healthy living whatever your circumstances.
That said, we can't make them go to Al-Anon any more than we can make them go to AA.
My ex A would have benefited from Al-Anon so much. I'm not sure whether his family had any A's in it -- I would have thought so, but he swore not -- but it sure did revolve around placating the more volatile members, secrecy, trying to guilt people into behaving differently, and many other things I've noticed in A families. But he never would go, believing that "that's for families with problems, and we're holding on fine, thanks."
After way too long of trying to fix him, I had to admit I was powerless over trying to make him go to Al-Anon. I guess it comes down to the old question: they're going to do what they're going to do -- what are we going to do?
My ABf could defo do with al anon since putting down the drink for the second time he starts to worry about all the other addicts and problems with his family. However today he is fighting to stay sober and to gain an understanding of the Aa programme this is his primary focus maybe one dau his HP may guide him to al anon.
I am working hard to grasp al anon programme I am learning more and more to try and leave the rest to HP.
I have gone over this with my sponsor, since my bf is addicted to opiates and doesn't seem to have the "attitude" an alcoholic does. He helps around the house, is kind and loving and affectionate. I know for me, that I have started practicing alanon in all my affairs and working on my codependency seems to be helping the whole situation. He asks me questions about alanon and I do speak with him about his childhood issues that are disease he hides with drugs. That is what I have learned from the book The New Codependency and from my sponsor: That this disease is the same for all of us, we just choose different things to obsess and become addicted to. This new awareness has shown me that every where I look, people could benefit from Alanon. I think that is the whole point though, my shift in consciousness can then affect those around me and so on and so forth... pay it forward. Blessings!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
