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So once my a decided to become sober so did I. He seems happy that i've decided not to drink or do the things that affect him so negatively. I have no problem giving up drinking, esspecially if it helps me feel closer or more supportive but along with it i've given up a lot of friends and socializing. I'm young and work in the restaurant industry and I feel like all anyone I know wants to do is go out, party, and drink. Then spend all day in bed sleeping off hangovers. I went a couple of times, but watching people drink and act stupid isn't fun. I try to suggest other activities but they aren't interested. I can go partying, or nothing. So, they aren't the best friends and I'm probably better off without them but I'm so lonely and bored. When im not with my a or one other close friend i'm alone. I'm wondering if anyone else has given up drinking for their a and what kind of new activities and people you chose instead of the old?
I'd love annnnyyyy suggestions I'm willing to try anything new Id just love to meet people my age doing things similar to me...
I had a time when I gave up drinking to support my A. At the time I also worked in the restaurant industry and went out dancing often. The people I surrounded myself with did the same types of things. I missed it greatly. I broke off all friendships with those people.
My A left me and I was devastated. I continued on the same path with my friends that I befriended once again after he left. He came back into the picture, but by this time I was well into my Al-anon program. I had no problem leaving those people behind of my own choice, not just do do it for him. One by one I had no place for those friends anymore as we no longer had anything in common, nor did we think the same way anymore. We were definitely on different paths in life now.
I immediately stopped going out and felt I would need to replace my dancing with maybe AA dances as I felt free when I was dancing. I found that in working my program, I felt serenity and a freedom that I had never experienced. I had acquaintances before that now became close friends. We go skating, biking live theater, movies, dinners together, church, scrap booking, craft fairs, Al-anon functions and whatever happens to come up that we can make it to. I don't miss my old life at all, nor anyone that used to be in it. It isn't like I ended those friendships, they just weren't nurtured by me or the other party. Those people only socialized with me if there was a party social atmosphere involved and were never real friends. I just didn't call them and they didn't call me.
I didn't think I would like any of the things I do now. To me they seemed boring before, but doing the same thing all the time with the same people was the really boring thing after becoming who I am today.
In finding myself through Al-anon I found what I was seeking in all the wrong places and with the wrong people for me the whole time.
i am assuming you are not attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself , they will help so I hope u consider going . yu will make new friends , take time and explore new hobbies do something yu have always wanted to do , do it for you . We cannot depend on someone else to make us happy thats our job . Once settled in our program your never alone again and lonley is a choice .
Hi Sarah, Iused to really enjoy going out drinking with my friends and still do on the rare occassions but do not really enjoy it as much and drink very differently. I have changed thanks to al anon and finding new ways to enjoy myse;lf. I have nade new friend through al anon we have gone to the cinema or out for a meal and it was fun.
I did feel a bit lonely as i was changing but it encouraged me to reach out more to my al anon friends starts seeing them in between meetings ring them up more. There is no need to be lonely when you are part of this fellowships
Do you have a community college close? Or classes offered somewhere? I met friends taking things that interested me, making pottery, personal growth classes, thru parks and rec they offer group activities.
Volunteering is a great way to meet people. If you like animals, you can meet great people volunteering at shelters.
Many times they do community outreach that is always fun.
I don't know your age, young? My daughter is one to have lots of friends all over. She goes to the city get togethers, was a head baker for a fancy French restaurant making the desserts, met lots of people there.
Maybe your choice of work could change? If you like being around food, maybe a higher class restaurant that has a more healthy type employee base. Or a health food type restaurant. Again daughter worked at a one and has many friends from working there.
Have you thought about going back to school? Even part time or a couple classes?
There are neat classes you can take that you take tests to evaluate what would work for you. Helps put all your interests and qualities together.
My son went on one marine biology type boat when he was under 12. That kid is always into biology, scuba dives, kayaks in the ocean, fishes, etc. Just from doing one thing that sparked something in him!
There are all kinds of outings people go out on as a group. Young ones too.
When I was young I felt as you. drinking made me sick, drugs no thanks. So I ended up riding my horse all the time.
Ended up with boyfriends who liked to walk, go to the beach, go camping.
I don't know if you go to AA but there are open meetings for both.
It may be more to explore what you may like! You will be surprised. I love drafting! Never woulda thought that.
Glad you are here, and am glad to hear of the sobriety going on in your relationship!
I love to go to the library, used book stores, the beach, hikes, walks, do photography, read, write, color... I love watching movies and funny shows. When I was attending college courses (as an adult) I found lots of other adults who were willing to hang out without alcohol involved. I have also found through working the steps here with my sponsor that I am absolutely happy from within and by myself :) Take care of you :)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
I don't have an A partner and I am sure I am a lot older than you. But I rarely if ever drink, most of my friends are younger and like to go out to bars and dancing. My husband and I will join them but just not drink. We are still able to have a great time, and i am a little old for peer pressure lol. Honestly I have found even when i was younger people didn't really care whether I drank with them or not and the few who might tease me eventually told me that while they may have teased me a bit they admired the fact that i didn't submit to peer pressure and stuck to my own decisions. Blessings
Great post. I have to admit I don't drink hardly at all any more. It's not because of my AH. Although, I will admit after seeing all the heartache that comes with alcoholism, I really have no desire to drink. My AH and I used to be big partiers. But after a period of time, the more he drank, the less I drank. With children, I felt one of us had to be responsible. Thank God I stopped. There is a hx of alcoholism in my family and I thank God everyday that I didn't get that disease. Have we lost friends? You bet we did. Pretty much all of our friends. But I will tell you something... every "friend" that we lost, wasn't really a friend to either of us. How could they be when they didn't support my AH's sobriety? They are all pretty uncomfortable around us. They don't really know what to say. We live in a small town and pretty much everything centers around a bar and alcohol. We have pretty much gotten all new friends. Do I miss the old friends? Yes, sometimes. But life changes and so have I. I hope for the better. I will say, that I seem to have found that there is peace in my life now. I'm calmer. We went back to the church and now I look forward to it. Everybody has their own beliefs, but I believe that my HP heard my AH's plea for help and He answered.
I hope that you find your way. There truly is a life out there that doesn't have to center around alcohol and drugs. You just have to look for it. I' m glad that you are here..... Take what you like and leave the rest....
Thank you all so much for your suggestions! It always makes me feel better when I'm not the only one who has felt the way I feel. Over the past week or so I've started looking for opportunities to do things that I haven't or wouldn't have before. And there's actually a lot, like a softball sign up at my job. Before I would have ignored it because I wouldn't have wanted to roam from my comfort zone. It's kind of exciting to be searching for new opportunities! And alllll the suggestions were great. Things I actually want to do and can grow from =) I'm also going to start going to al-anon meetings regularly. Anyway, thanks again and have a great week!
