The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am feeling very scared again. Mortgage advocate called. The mortgage company will want more money the first payment to do the loan mod.
I don't know if this will go sour or not. This mortgage company is the worst, so much fraud and lawsuits against it.
The thought of all the loss just has me petrified. Have fought so long since the ex AH's disease took everything but our home. I promised these animals they had a home until they died. The ones here are the ones who were too damaged to adopt out.
I just lose another very,very old pot pig two days ago. BettyJane. Sam is close to passing.
Leave four pots. one horse, one llama, one sheep. as far as big animals.
I would have to place Fred tortoise, my parrot reeba and celie the piglet. Then I have NO idea what to do with the cats.
I am not parting with one dog. not one. Hate to have to place or what? the cats.
Many are 10 and over. All are fixed. of course i am bonded very much with all of them. Some of these animals came in almost dead from abuse.
I am rambling. addiction is so horrible how it robs us of everything we worked so hard for. And we did NOTHING to bring it.
My mother put every dime she had into this house, alone with mine. She worked so hard. Lost her in 2000.
I am so scared.
NO way to lose weight I tell ya. I have antiques from grama and grampa. I know they are things, but they are all I have left of my family. Nothing would be the same if I have to figure out how to get an RV or fifth wheel. I mean bed everything is built in.
What if there is a lot of wind?
I keep saying I can do this I can do this. but my stomack and heart are inside out.
If I could go to work I sure would.
I am praying this goes ok, then I can rent the pastures and rent the master bedroom and bath to someone with an rv or whatever.
Limbo is horrible.
I guess part is if I have to leave, it will be all the more lonely. that thought is horrible. I have made some friends here, know all my neighbors. And they like me and the animals.
forgive me for coming here. it helps to share.I don't feel so alone. I look over at my basset asleep next to me, in his sweater...ugh
Rent all around here is so high I cannot afford it. I would have to get an rv. IF it did go real sour, I would fight leaving to the last min.
I saved the money they told me they wanted for the first payment, now they doubled that. After that the payment is very doable.
knowing i am staying I can also rent the pasturesand share my house. Which is hugely important to me after feeling like this. I want to help someone who is also in this place.
I don't blame ya if you don't read this at all. I am sure you guys are tired of it too.
I talk to Got the creator all the time. If you can keep us here at Eden in your prayers I would be grateful. love,deb and Edens family
Dear Heavenly Father, hear our sweat Deblyn's plea.. She asks little for herself, only to serve You and the small (and not so small) creatures you have entrusted to her care.
Grant her the serenity, and security that your Divine love imparts
I feel for you! I have such a sense of responsibility toward my own two dogs, I can't fathom the thought of losing our home. And I too have so much emotion invested in the family heirlooms that I have around here, reminders of the folks long gone.
Don't know if anyone listens to me or not, but for you I will ask. (((hugs)))
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
I will remember you in my prayers and thoughts, surely something will work out so that you can keep your home place.
I am an animal lover too, and understand what they give to you in the unconditional love they give.
Don't ever feel bad about coming here and keeping us updated on what is going on with you, we care.
I understand about losing weight this way, it is not fun, I have lost about twenty pounds in the last few months from just fear and anxiety about what in life can go wrong for you and those you love.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Deb. It is awful to be in limbo. While future-tripping is not helpful, I do think that considering options is a part of taking care of yourself.
I stay hopeful that you will be able to stay in your home with your beloved animals. Sharing your place with others sounds nice too.
I wish I could give you a hug.
Keep the conversation going with your HP. You are not alone.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
I certainly pray that everything works out for you. It seems when we are at the darkest hour, our HP comes through for us. I hope he doesn't fail this time. I will be thinking of you and praying for your situation to improve. Peace to you during this Christmas holiday.
Prayers gone up Debs and back down to cover you, I have my 2 dogs and cat would be lost without them, they are family, and give me a reason to get up every day, keep us in touch please,
Deb, I'm sorry you are feeling this fear ... I remember that exact fear very well. You did alot for me at that time reminding me to let go of the fear and believe that it would all work out. I am not doing nearly as well LOL but I know deep down you trust your HP to make sure you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Sending all my energy and prayers for you and your furry (and not so furry) family to have peace and security. Much love.
It's still rough. close to tears or tears. It's getting me physically now too. I am allergic to something. Wish I knew what. Its like having the first start of a cold for a week. tickle nose, running constantly, sneezing. then all of a sudden it goes away. Wish I knew what it was/is.
The thing is I am so grateful for all I have. Am very sad, however, I have food, feed, warm house for now, animals are happy goofballs. Celie piglet is still running very fast when a car goes by then tips herself over and wiggles in the grass. It always cracks me up.
My horse always seems to know, as I park right by the fence where I feed into bowls. He always reaches over and nuzzles my hair or shoulder, more when I feel like this.
My darn bird keeps crying. sigh. If the dogs hear me cry they are all over on top of me. They really do know.
With your help, my strong faith, I have been working for months now to face if I have to go. Putting it all together, thinking about what I would really have to do. Thinking about the positives if I have to go so far away.
Home is all I have that is familiar. My home. I just cannot imagine not being able to come home. I don't mind living in a small space, I prefer it. Love a simple life. Lived in this area almost 60 years. It becomes so much more than a place to live.
I am not one to leave where I live. I want to die here.
Just don't feel good. I know well is the correct word, but I don't feel good.
I know I can adapt, I know HP gives me the tools to go on. It is hard at my age to think about packing, figuring out how to get everyone to where I would go, getting the money together to buy something to live in. how to get my car and pickup there, How do move my gliders. I love my gliders. I will not leave one cattle panel or t post here. I have over a thousand dollars of it. It is not easy to come by anymore.
Would have to rent a huge trailor.
Maybe get it all set up first, then come back and get the big stuff.
My poor old brain has had enough. I don't want to die where I would have to go. I have friends here i have had since I was 13.
Am not doing well. nose is raw from crying. Am doing my best.
I HATE to think of others who have kids, animals, no income!!I will share eden if I am blessed to stay.
I honestly can see what makes people do anything not to feel this way for a little while.
HP is what makes me hang on.
Sleep is my escape, watching the birds, my dogs are always close to me.
Last night it was 30' or something. My dogs and I and one cat slept in my featherfull bed with the slider open. I love that.
This is what staying with some A's can bring you to. suck ya dry, take everything. I mean the a disease btw. Then he gets out of jail in January and goes to a HUD Apartment, nice one, has everything he needs, does not have to have a dime, is not alone, has a mommy to take care of him. drives a car with no license or anything, gets free med care, VA.
creatures you have entrusted to her care.