The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my AH quit drinking after a particularly disturbing event this summer (he left me and our 6 month daughter on a beach while we were on vacation and proceeded to go on a serious blackout binge). After that, he went to aa got a sponsor and all that. He was sober for four months until he decided that he wasn't "really an alcoholic". He started drinking the weekend of our daughter's first birthday - because of all the stress of the birthday party. Now he is drinking again because of all the stress of the holidays. BLAH BLAH BLAH
I attend al-anon f2f meetings but haven't found a sponsor yet.
Now my parents arrive today and they live out of town. I am not sure how to handle the questions/situations that are going to arise with my AH's return to drinking. I know I am not supposed to answer questions for him, but ..it's my family... and they are going to ask. I keep thinking the holiday events are going to be this tense time bomb, just waiting for the next crisis. I actually find myself wishing that my AH would just disappear, even though that is not going to happen. I am embarrassed to have my family witness my home life with AH.I have protected them from it (although they know) and they live far away so there isnt much they can do to help.
I am not in the holiday spirit.
I guess the point of this post is positive, I am going to try to use my al-anon tool box to get through this. I am going to pray and read the literature. I am going to put on a happy face for my daughter.I am not going to hide or make excuses for my AHs behavior.He is going to do whatever he is going to do.I need to remember that life is going to be what I make of it.At least I have afamily who I love who is going to be with me over the holidays.I do have much to be thankful for.
I am sure I am not alone - that the holidays are a stressful time for lots of al-anons. I wish us all the best getting though this time. Thanks for letting me share.
If you follow the last paragraph in your post there is no way you can go wrong. We all have much to be thankful for, and for me the Al-Anon program is near the top of the list.
Great last paragraph :) You have to do the next right thing for you. I have learned here that I can be happy regardless if my A decides to drink or use drugs or not. Focusing on me and my kids helps me through. And its working, when I detach with love, everything is better :) I hope you have a great holiday with family!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
I have had to set up a lot of boundaries around the holidays they are so loaded for me. This year I am working and believe it or not I set it up that way.
I hope you have a peaceful joyful holiday for you. I am so glad you are in al anon. I would highly recommend getting a sponsor that one on one contact. For me the process of recovering with another person prompting me is very fulfilling. All you have to do is ask, they can only say no.
Let us help you help us Stomox...Be happy because you can and it's an inside job anyway. You got the literature...and in three days you can go shopping for a sponsor. I've never seen one wrapped up in present paper with a bow however it probably doesn't matter does it? Do the happy for you and it will rub off on your daughter. If you have a pamphlet on alcoholism from inside your meeting rooms hand it to your parents with a, "For me this is what me and my family are going thru" and then go on with whatever else you were talking about before it came up. I don't think you or your parents want to spend the holidays having a sorry ole time because your husband is a drunk or alcoholic or however you describe him. Have a Merry Christmas anyway. This happens in the disease of alcoholism. It's called recovery...go get a sponsor. Merry Christmas (((((hugs)))))
