The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Grateful to be here. I just registered 5 minutes ago. I attended my first alanon meeting 25
years ago, and have attended many meetings over the years. Expectations, are at some point , probably will bring disappointmant. I have not found rights addressed in any lit erature so far. For me this very important, because as I understand it, knowing ones rights and refusing to accept anything less is the healthiest thing I could do. Of course, as I understand it, if its good for me its good for the alcoholic. There has not been any drinking
since 1999. Dry is not sober. Does anyone have any suggestions for literature, websites,
etc., regarding ones rights aside from the US constitution? I would really appreciate any
Interesting question... I think you're asking if there's literature that gives specific guidelines as to what we as human beings have a right to...?
I really don't think Al-Anon is specific about it because I think we all get to determine for ourselves what we feel we have a right to. Cultures are different, laws are different, so I don't think Al-Anon can accurately tackle human rights because of the huge variation in our membership.
To me, the only rights I've ever perceived Al-Anon teaching is my right to seek serenity. And that I do not have to accept unacceptable behavior.
We each get to define what is acceptable and not in our own unique living situations.
I sometimes wish Al-Anon had a black and white manual and list of things that are okay and not, but at the same time, I'm thankful it doesn't... the program would become like a sect if it did.
While there's not a manual that says specifics like: "It's not okay if your husband cheats on you.", Al-Anon does give us tools with which to work out how we want to live our lives... the Steps, Traditions and Concepts.
I think for me, it was important for me to figure out for myself what my "rights" were in my relationship. I devised these from my culture and what I grew up learning in my family and society, and then fine-tuned them with Al-Anon's guidance.
It was important for me to do it this way. I really have to say that if there were a book about what my basic rights were supposed to be, I'd probably just use it as a document to wave at the AH and tell him how he's screwing up the relationship and violating my rights. Or, I may have even used it against myself... bemoaned how I failed all the time at protecting my rights.
I am thinking I have "boundaries." Things I need to be so in my life for me to feel comfortable and happy.
I would think it is all very individual. For me I will not have a relationship as far as husband etc that is an A. just won't do it anymore.
No one smokes or uses profanity on my property and most times not around me.
I need honesty, no manipulation, no phonies in my life.
Is this what you mean? I don't have expectations. If someone chooses to be that of which I cannot be around or accept, I am not around them. They have a right to be who they are and to do what they choose.
The one and only right I know besides the Bill of rights, is the right to the pursuit of happiness.
The right to be happy is certainly ours and it is a pursuit as it takes work. Happiness isnt something that just happens, its a conscience effort. It doesnt depend on other people, we cannot look to them to make us happy.
I would say the number one right is to be happy. Thats it.
Aloha Diane...try mulling this around in your thinker and see what you come up with. I learned this in Al-Anon when I kinda sorta was attempting to exert my own "rights" while battles were raging over my choices.
I don't have rights. I have abilities and opportunities to exercise them. I don't need laws (rights) to give me permission to do what is right (proper and good) for me.
