The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I've been thinking about this a lot the last couple of days. I injured my back last week when I was putting my 1 year old in his car seat. The car seat was in the middle of the backseat, and I was standing outside the car bent over trying to get him in it. I must've used my lower back to lift him, but as soon as I stood up I knew I was hurt. I went to the doc and had to get some pain pills, muscle relaxers, and anti-inflammatories. I hate all of that stuff and I have only taken it when I absolutely needed it. [As an aside, it's not better at all and I'm going back to the doc tomorrow to ask for a steroid shot or something else. I hate being unable to do anything, and particularly, unable to pick up my baby.]
Anyway, my AH has been sober for almost 2 years. When his disease was active, he went through phases of using pills - some of the kind I just got prescribed. I feel as though I need to hide my prescriptions from him. What's up with this?? My motivation is that I don't want to be the one putting the temptation in his path - or maybe ultimately, that I don't want him to relapse. Is hiding stuff an attempt to control that I need to let go of? In a vacuum I understand that I can't make him use any more than I can stop him from using.
It just crossed my mind this morning as I quickly got one of the pills out and then re-hid them that my behavior did not seem normal to me.
I can relate; our house is loaded with pills...I have Percocet from a kidney stone that was treated last year, there are muscle relaxants for my wife's back pain, lots of anti-anxiety meds for my wife and anti-depressants.
My wife had a p-doc who actually prescribed her Valium 2x/day. When the drinking started to get out of control I was sure it was pills and not booze that was causing the problems. I remember writing a letter to her p-doc out of concern and saying "The only way I can describe how she is acting is that it is like she is drunk--but I know she isn't drinking". Ha.
I ultimately took an inventory of all her pills, wrote them on a sheet of paper that I kept in my wallet. There were over 400 Valium in the house. About once/week I would sit in the bathroom and count her pills and see how many she had taken. It's amazing the things I did before Al Anon.
Anyway, I can understand why you are doing this and while I wouldn't leave it under your husband's nose, I also probably wouldn't hide it.
I keep valium around for my dog. He is a rescue dog and for whatever reason is terrified of thunderstorms and fireworks. His vet prescribed valium on those occasions when the noise and vibrations are too much for him. I keep the pills hidden. I know ah has abused valium a few times in the past. I guess if he wanted them enough he could get them. Valium is available in the pharmacies here without a prescription. While he doesn't seem to want them enough to make a trip into town to the pharmacy for them, I think that if he saw them lying around he might be tempted. So I remove that temptation by keeping them out of sight. Right or wrong, I don't know. But it works for me and I don't feel at all bad about it.
My AH's sponsor recommended we remove all alcohol from our house. (I only had 2 bottles of wine in here that have been there for months...I don't drink much at all and AH never touched my wine...)
Sponsor said: out of sight, out of mind.
I know obviously A's will come in contact with booze and then it's up to them to count on their HP and their strength ect... to stop the obsession somehow..
I would only imagine that would be more difficult if there was booze starring at them at home every day.
Just as I wouldn't keep booze in my house for that reason, I would hide the prescription pills as well.
I personally don't think it's controlling, just easily removing the temptation.
I always had to hide mine. Hated it as he would always find them or I would get a horrible migraine and not be able to remember where I hid them!
The place he finally could not find them;Mother made me a Raggedy Anne and Andy. Anne had on pantaloons under her dress, I would stick them in her pantaloons!
Also I could hide them in a hole, hidden in a stuffed animal. sigh, deb
Just like I wouldn't put a plate of brownies in front of someone with diabetes, I wouldn't put any temptation in front of anyone. It's called consideration in my humble opinion. Isn't it interesting how we continue to have that knee jerk reaction?
I've heard it said locks are made to keep honest people honest.
I don't live with an A anymore, but I keep all pain meds (what little I have leftover from minor surgeries) hidden away. I don't want them sitting in a medicine cabinet for anybody. So, I hide them for me, so I don't ever have to go crazy wondering, counting, remembering....
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Thanks, guys. I asked my sponsor this question too, and everyone pretty much said the same ... no need to leave the pills laying around out of respect for my AH and his recovery. At the same time, no need to completely obsess and count pills either - just put them out of sight with my own stuff, and take them when I need them.
Sponsor also said it may be a good idea to get rid of the ones I don't use when my back is better (it is MUCH better today, bless my HP, since I'm traveling for Christmas beginning tomorrow). Sponsor suggested giving them to someone else to keep for me in case I need them again in the future or throwing them away - no need to keep in the house.
I appreciate everyone's input on this. I've given up pretty much all of the secretive behavior I had when I got here, and my life is pretty much an open book to my family. It was weird and unusual for me to feel the need to hide something. I'm happy I asked the question, and pray that in the future, I will ask questions when I don't feel completely comfortable for some reason.
When I lived with my exAH I learned to hide my medications and also struggled with the idea of this being a control issue. At that time I did obsess and had to count etc ... but after much thought I also realized that it was unfortunate I had to hide my medication but if I did not it would not be there when I needed it. Contemplating motivations and understanding the why of your own actions is the best measure. For myself hiding them was taking care of me..
