The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband, left me because even after 4 years of sobriety. He is still sick. So he has left to go work on whatever. While I am homeless, jobless and destitute.
Yes, Now I feel like I am dealing with an alcoholic again and I remember those days. No rational. Baffling. Cunning. Aloof. Funny thing once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic
You know there are things I did wrong in the marriage. Once he sobered up I never let go of the control of keeping him safe and in doing so I was robbing him of his dignity.
Even with best of intentions I was wrong.
But we never fought, I never got angry. And when I was sick, at this time I thought he was all better. I was wrong to think he was all better and I asked him to help me. Listen to my business idea or my new epiphany on whats wrong with me.
Boy he hated it!
I was sick. We both knew that but we didn't know what it was. I couldn't identify with the problem. Identify is Key in recovery.
Our 2nd to the last night together. I finally GOT IT. I told him all my aliments, pain and suffering all my behaviors and habits are because I am a Codependent. I was raised in a codependent family. And after 25 years of saving them. I started my next project of saving you.
Even when I knew you were leaving, I thought "Okay who will I save next"
I have walked through life, as if god has wanted me to Save people. I no longer have to do that. I have to learn to save myself. LOL but codependents don't know how. So that is why I am in the program.
To learn how to stop saving others. and save myself. LIVE AND LET LIVE.
I knew there are many good coda meetings, But I also learned most al-anons are codependents and I am so grateful. I finally Identify with the people in the program. FINALLY. In all of my searching for what was wrong with me. what I identified with was the LAST HOUSE ON THE BLOCk.
And I am upset and pissed I have to go in there. That this has what my life has come to
Also I have been in the program for 1 week. And I am also upset with all the anger and resentments and fear and crap is coming up! I never knew how angry I was with my husband, for being sick.
I read the Chapter in the Big Book "to the families" last night. Though I have read it before it was the first time it CLICKED. All this time I have desired for him to pay off the emotional debt HE OWES ME. LOL. HAHAHA. I am so wrong to place those expectations on him. But I didn't KNOW BETTER. I didn't KNOW I was sick, that alcohol is so powerful and it had it's hold on me too. Logically I know my husband doesn't OWE me anything for being SICK.
That's like asking a man Out of Coma to make up for all the dinners and holidays he missed. And birthdays. LOL. I am laughing because it sounds CRAZY to ask that of anyone.....YET I DID!
And my heart is yet to catch up with this logic. My heart is broken. I never knew that either.
Thank you. For letting me Share. Thank you for being here for me today.
hi and welcome, I could sense the sadness in your post, but you are now with people who know and care, and you are about to begin a new journey, based on you, with new beginings and most importantly new endings, I know it hurts now, but once you have walked your journey this time you will never again go down old paths of hurt and pain and betrayals and let downs, god bless you my favourite saying "a journey of a thousand miles, starts with the first step" you have now taken that step,
Hi, I can realte to your post so much. I too am co dependent and in Al non when this hit me like dead weight I too beat myself up. Why did I not see it, I felt like I had wasted so much time looking after everyone else. I got very angrey. Today I believe I am moving slowly onto accpetance. I did the best with what I had and knew. My parents , grandparents also did. There is lots of sickness in my family addict and co dependents I did not see this. I beive my HP brought my ABf into mylife to help me to hit my bottom and seek help. Today I too logically know he is not to bleme or me we are both sick, but just like you my heart is trying to catch up. today I try and get as much spce to keep the focus on me. Just like you for the first time in my life I want to focus on me, my life , my probs give me the love and devotion I have given to others. When I beat myself up it get in the ways of this. I can hear the pain in your share but awareness is the start, followed by acceptance and action, things will improve I believe if I stick with and work this wonderful programme. hugs
Alcoholism is a lifetime disease and struggle, and so it is for us Alanon's.
I use to think if the Alcohlic would just stop drinking, all MY problems would be solved. I didnt count me in the equation. Being in Alanon has taught me so much.
Even though Im no longer living with the Alcoholic, I know I still must continue.
Take it easy on yourself. So much learning and enlightenment awaits.
I am also Codependent and an Adult Child of dysfunction. Alanon has taught me the way and shown me the path to recovery. I have a sponsor and I am working the steps. I come on MIP to help see my through. I turn to my HP all day, every day to make it through. I am no where as sick as I once was. A few great books I have found to help me: Courage to Change, The language of letting go, The New Codependency, and Getting Them Sober. Alanon is for you, to take care of you. ONe day at at time, one minute at a time. My symptoms of my disease include care-taking and taking on everyone's stuff. I also tend to try to manipulate situations with questioning and advice. No more. I am really keeping my focus on me as much as possible now and I turn to my HP for guidance. Take care of you!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
