The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I would appreciate members' ESH on how they walk the line between Alanon and the rest of the world. I imagine it would be best for me if I could simply practice Alanon principles in the world without referring to Alanon special vocabulary and slogans. I understand to an outsider, our vocab wouldn't carry the same value. But sometimes it's hard to "translate," like this, and with my closest friends, I want to share more (the vocab, the slogans), but worry about failing to share what it means for me, in a non-alienating way... (Step 12 and principle of attraction, not persuasion, speaks to this, but I'm curious as to the "how" of it...)
-- Edited by Imogen421 on Thursday 16th of December 2010 08:15:02 PM
I often quote the slogans which are pretty straight forward. If they seem interested as to how i got to that reference then I will bring up alanon. Otherwise i don't unless I think they may benefit from the program then I will plant the seed and let it drop. I do not bring it up again. But I know if I say a slogan or somthing I have learnd in alanon and a friend asks over and over again where I learned that I will plant another seed with possibly a website for them to investigate
I just use the vocab regardless, just without a bunch of "Well, in Al-Anon I learned this..."
But believe me, a lot of Al-anon's concepts are pretty alien to a lot of people. Taking care of yourself? WHAT?? NOT putting your spouse's needs before your own?? CRAZY!
What do you MEAN you're not concerned what so-and-so is going to think about you?!?!
For me, attraction rather than promotion means to live by example. I don't necessarily go up to every single person who looks like they're struggling with a loved one's alcoholism and start preaching the program to them. I'll only hand someone a newcomer's packet if it seems they're quietly screaming for help. I had one friend who was exhibiting heavy co-dependent behavior, and she kept coming to me as the "victim" of everything, and finally one day I handed her an Al-Anon newcomer packet and suggested she check it out some day. She stopped coming to me with all her problems after that. ;) She didn't show up in the rooms, either... but that's okay. I think she got the point - and she's still a fantastic friend to this day.
I just try to live my life and set an example of how I can take things in stride and not make everything around me into a tragedy. If someone really wants to know how I do it, then I'll mention Al-Anon.
But for anyone who's really truly curious about Al-Anon, I'd then suggest that person get to a few meetings so they can see for themselves.
I am what I am , and Al-Anon is responsible for that , slogans just slip out , they are a part of my life now , as was suggested to me one time /dont try and explain this program or defend it == just live it . works for me
I was taught we are to use the tools in all our affairs. I am learning to do that now. I do not say I am in alanon anymore (I used to...). I just work on practicing the tools in all I do. No gossiping. NO lying to cover up or make things seem better, no stealing etc. In all our affairs.... It works if you work it :)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Sometimes slogans and catchphrases from Al-Anon just pop out of my mouth at opportune moments, and I quite like that because it means they're taking up permanent residence in my brain! The only time that I'll mention Al-Anon is if somebody tries to give me credit for coming up with something so wise or helpful, then I'll say where the idea comes from -- I'm determined to give credit where it's due.
I'm pretty open about being in Al-Anon, especially with my closest friends. I've always been honest about growing up in an alcoholic home, just as I was honest in telling people that cirrhosis took my mother, so most people assume I'm there as an ACoA and not because of my ABF.
But when I see somebody struggling with a personal dilemma, I can't NOT offer them a tool that might help. It's entirely up to them whether they take it or leave it.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
I say the slogans if I feel they would be helpful - I don't mention where I learned them unless someone asks.
I agree with the previous poster that wrote about the concepts being very different from what is mainstream. Seems like putting someone else's needs before your own is what many non-program people believe is love. So is trying to get people to do what someone else has determined is "best" for them (like stopping drinking, for example). The concept that self care comes first and changing your own behavior instead of trying (in vain) to change someone else's are foreign. If someone asks why I do something, I will explain - but other than that, I do not concern myself with what other people think.
I found that some of my friends were capable and willing enough to learn (at least as much to be helpful), while others tended to stay further away from it.... I involved them accordingly, as some just aren't capable of needing/wanting to understand another viewpoint.....
Like the others, I typically found most of the slogans still useful.....
In the immortal words of my wise old sponsor - "it is neither good, nor bad, it simply is"....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I've noticed that this program has changed my thinking in many ways and eventually changing my actions to match. In everything I do, not just dealing with the a. It's true that many people don't understand the idea of taking care of yourself first. My closest friend didn't understand. But she is aware of ah's drinking and the problems it causes. (she has even been affected by it a couple of times.) I told her I'd become a member of alanon and we sometimes talk about it. She has become very supportive and now reminds me to TCOMF! As far as other people, like Aloha, I try to live by example. Sometimes I use a slogan and I've been surprised how often people have been familiar with it. But I don't talk alanon (except with my close friend) unless I am asked.
Thanks folks! These are really good ESH and suggestions. I think you're right - what I hear most of you saying is "don't sweat it" - at least not too much! I tend to do that, it's a bit of a character defect for me (actually a huge one!)...I like the suggestion of feeling it's "enough" to be a balance of authentic and discreet, not feeling I have to "get" people to see it if they can't or aren't interested. And also I can still feel grateful for my close friends even if I don't get to share the whole of my Alanon self with them. Thanks again, and Peace!
