One door closes....another one opens - Al-Anon Family Group

sdisnie · Senior Member

One door closes....another one opens

clep · Senior Member

I am an analyzer and it can be quite damaging for me. When I am analyzing it is due to me not handing something over that I probably need to be.

The reason I am still with my A is because I do not believe in things being coincidence. I won't get into all of it as it would take pages. I will say that my A and I being back together and both in recovery is nothing short of a miracle first of all, and they way it happened is really something else. The way it happened and what I have learned from it has been a powerful eye opener of the existence and guidance of my HP.

I used to search for answers all the time. I used to do it all alone, until my HP shook me senseless and put me in a position where I cannot ignore anymore.

Turns out the over analyzing I do is just a waste of time. I do want to be using my own mind, but not to the point that I lose it.

I used to spend so much time thinking about why things are happening, I forgot to deal with the happenings.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Shandra

I am glad you are back and that a door has opened. I do believe that all things happend for a reason, that life must be lived going forward and understood in retrospect.

I was also one who was always looking for the "Why " to everything. In my 4 th step inventory , I discovered that this search for "why" was because I thought if I only knew "why" something happened , I could somehow change the outcome.

The ODAT has a few good readings on this topic. One said in essence that If I know why something happened or if I do not know why it happened--- It still happened so now what am I going to do in response. In other words Why does not matter?=== I just need to respond in a constructive manner and not spend time looking for the why. Page 338

The other tells me that I do not need to search for whys because " what I need to know I will know in enough time to take action"

Very powerful readings and I truly belive them 100 percents

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

I used to be an over-analyzer. Looked at every possible reason and consequence I could think of til I drove myself nuts. Although I'm not completely over that, I've gotten much better. It depends on the circumstances, but now I tend more to go with the flow. I don't believe in coincidences, I think everything happens for a reason even if we don't understand that reason at the time.
Glad to hear you're sticking around. I always get something from your posts.

failte · Senior Member

Great to see you back! I believe everything happens for a reason and that we learn a lesson from everything, good or bad, that every experience is used, I too am an analyzer of people though, why did he do that, say that, did he mean it, was he lying, to me there was a hidden agenda behind every person.

having said that I do belive god has a plan for each of us, I am quite relaxed about my life and sort of go with the flow, and believe is something is meant to be it will happen, and if it doesnt perhaps God was trying to protect me, say with jobs, home moves, things that are big I try to turn over to God now and say to him to do his will, then if it doesnt happen I feel it was for my safety or for a good reason, most of the time I dont go after things, or try to make them happen, but of course I am only human and i get led off my path and start wishing for things, I have to watch that cos I can have "grass is greener on the other side" mentality, but on the whole I am chilled and go with the flow

faite

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

I believe what the big book says, "Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake." Still, I have choices, choices, choices. My brain assumes the universe is always bringing me something "good" when a door opens.

My thinking and analyzing cannot be trusted. I have to remember that God gave me a sponsor and a fellowship to help me with my thinking. Her homework for me this week was to make a 3x5 bookmark that reads, "My Brain is NOT my friend." pffft, my ego was so offended.

failte · Senior Member

Good one Glad lee will surely remember that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

failte

sdisnie · Senior Member

Wow! Thank you to everyone, great responses! Sure does give my mind a rest and helps me to let God keep showing me the way....Love you all!!!

-- Edited by sdisnie on Thursday 16th of December 2010 06:58:07 PM

lyndebi · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't believe in fate at all as I believe we were created to have choice.

Things happen for a reason? I was thinking how if we let go and let God or whoever our HP is, then we leave things open for what he thinks is best maybe?

Or maybe things come along, and we notice them, we are open to them? Or we make the best out of what is there?

interesting. hugs,deb

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

I do not nor have I ever believed in coincidence.
I do believe everything happens for a reason and we are meant to learn a lesson from our experiences. ALthough I do not try and over analyze why things happened or what the lesson is I figure that will come to me in time.
just my 2 cents
Blessings

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Great thread...was wondering what caused you to ask that question but then as you
all have taught me...it is none of my business...gonna sulk!   My early sponsorship
taught me that for me the only answer to the question why was another question why
if I hadn't learned acceptance. Analytical? yes! like an addiction until I learned how
to accept. Part of that was learning that I didn't have to do something about every
thing and that life is full of opportunities and always has been. I get to pick and
choose and I pick and choose better when I'm following thru on what I've learned in
recovery otherwise I'm doing the same thing over and over...etc. Some stuff is
co-incidence and some stuff really are powerful gifts from HP and HP's instruments
and are there a ton of those. I know when HP is attempting to get my attention
because a lesson is being taught or there is something I need to do because HP
wants to use me for the moment.   I know now and those times are not co-incidences,
they are gentle, important directions.   I always have to ask my HP the question
"What do you want me to do with this?" when something presents itself in my life.
Sometime the answer is "nothing". Other times it is attached to some lesson or
event that has happened in my recovery and I am being directed to give something
away to someone else. I get to choose what rooms I go into or stay out of. Choices
are good.   ((((hugs)))) smile

danielle0516 · Senior Member

Glad you are back!!!! :)

I do not believe in coincidence, not one bit. I believe that the moments that stand out, especially the moments that leave a mark, good or bad, happy or sad, happen for a reason.

I don't believe we are meant to know the 'why' behind these moment as they are happening...but that that light bulb will go off when it's time. I have had a few of those light bulbs go off.

I am an over analyzer, to the point where I feel like I'm going nuts sometimes, - I'm trying not to be. I do know, intellectually that is, that analyzing everything is no good, that it won't change anything, I am working on practising or putting into action what I know. ;)

Loupiness · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad you are back here, Shanda! I think that limbo is the absolute worst place to be. I remember exactly where I was when I finally reached out to God (my HP) and asked him to help me. Actually, it was as if I grabbed Him by the collar, pulled Him in toward me, and yelled, "I am ready! I am so ready for something different! Please help me!! Within a couple of days of my doing that, I was presented with some choices to do something different, and I decided to step outside of the familiarity of my comfort zone and do it. So glad I did. It all seemed too orchestrated to be a coincidence. That single event propelled me from limbo into a new phase where I could finally really acknowledge that perhaps God knew what he was doing after all. None of it is easy. Now I am in a new phase, and am realizing that there are some situations in my life that I either need to accept or change. Up to me, but I don't want to do either. I, too, am a big analyzer, and I have found that my mind is not always my friend. For me, searching for the answer drives me crazy, especially since most of the time I can't figure it out anyway.

Keep working it!

Blessings,
Lou

sunflowergirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow, what great shares! Seriously! Thank you all! And as for me, I believe everything does happen for a reason. Usually it is a lesson for me to learn, or to over come. I do search for whys, but I am learning not to. I am trying to be more go with the flow. Heres the thing, growing up in dysfunction caused me to always want to be making sure I was doing everything right and if someone did something for me, there was certainly a why they did it. So even when something good happens now as an adult, I am always wondering why. Well now, I am learning to not wonder and to accept the gifts I am given, or say thank you when I am told I am wonderful at something or pretty or the like, without having to wonder why....

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.