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Just wondering if anyone has any good tips for me. For the last few days, I have exhausted... I'm having a hard time getting out of bed, I'm on the couch most of the day, too tired to do anything, and like that until about 7 pm.. Then I seem to wake up a bit and can't get to sleep until 2 am.. Oh, yeah.. Gotta be up for about 6:30am to get the kids up and ready for school. I do suffer from depression and getting help for that. How do I get the energy to be able to start taking good care of myself? I get so frustrated with my AH, thinks he knows EVERYTHING and if I happen to disagree with him... Well I am learning to just keep my thoughts to myself and just let him say or do whatever, but it makes me feel sick to my stomach to do that.
I haven't been able to find a place where they have meetings, but I'm sure there's one not too far from home. I know that there are online meetings, but... AH doesn't exactly agree that I should be doing anything online. I have to hide this from him. What else is new? I have to hide money from him too. I know it seems like I'm jumping around alot here, and I probably am. I just don't know what to do some days that's all. I try to talk to my AH as little as possible, honestly, most days I have nothing to say to him at all. I can't stand to look at him, and can't stand the smell of the beer. What can I say? I'm just tired? Emotionally and physically, and don't know what to do.
Hi Evian, I wish I had more time to write more at this moment...
I've been there, I know how bad it can be and I'm sorry your going through that right now.
I said in some other post somewhere that my AH's sponsor told him to "Fake it till you make it". They were talking about finding a HP but I just loved that saying and I try to apply it elsewhere.
So, try fake being happy. Smile, laugh... eventually you trick yourself into thinking that your happy, not sad.
Works for me sometimes.. worth a try.
Also, I think exercising in the morning is great... jump starts my day.
Also, I have learnt to confront my AH when the time is right - meaning, when he is sober and we have some uninterrupted time to talk. This helped me a lot because I prepared myself for the moment, what I wanted to say, I wasn't REacted...but Acting, I gave it thought, I wasn't furious at the time...so what I wanted to say would come out properly.
I would simply tell him how his behaviour was obnoxious/rude/selfish/arrogant/disgusting/childish ect... and how I do NOT appreciate nor deserve being treated like that. I would then say, I want you to know and leave it at that.
that way, I got it off my chest in a healthy way, and the A knows.
Whenever I confront my A like this (when he's sober) I get a totally different reaction than when he's drunk. When he's sober he usually just puts his head down and says "I know I'm so sorry I love you so much you don't deserve that, I hear you ect.."
And that's it. He heard you, you get to not bottle everything up anymore and you also get to not feel guilty for screaming at him. (oh I used to Love screaming.... it felt so good at the time, but afterward I would feel awful and next thing you know I'd be apologizing to him!).
I found that helps me a lot (to tell the alcoholic how ridiculous he was when he is sober). I would feel a million times better afterward and NOT guilty at all - like I used to feel all the time when I would blow up and scream at him.
When I allow someone to control me, I am playing the victim role and staying right where they want me. I had to divorce my now ex husband for his controlling ways, his abusive ways. He wasn't an alcoholic, his rage was his way of covering up what was hurting him. I lived with his rage for 9 years. I was scared to do anything. I had to ask permission to do just about every single thing. I got yelled at and called every name in the book. I realized I was in a cycle of abuse with him. Anyway, I finally got up the nerve to leave, and did leave after 4 years of trying to leave. There is no one anywhere that needs to control other people. I find when I say "I need alanon for me, because I have some work to do on me", that it works better than trying to do any other explaining. I try not to JADE anymore: that means Justify, Argue, Defend or explain why I am doing something. I don't have to. I am free and I can transcend .... I ask my HP daily for help, guidance and to keep me on my side of the street. I ask for love because I am still learning to accept and love me. I talk with my sponsor. If I didn't have a sponsor, I would be totally lost. I hope you keep coming back, it works if you work it.
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Hi and thank you for your post. :) I understand where you are at and sometimes the best way to start anything new, is just to start :) I know your H doesnt think on line meetings are the way to go and my guess is probably anything you do he will find a reason to complain, so really whats the difference :) Small steps in learning to do what you need to do for yourself will accumulate and make it easier for you. You know the old saying "if nothing changes, then nothing changes"...I think its going to have to start with you :) You sound pretty sick and tired and when we arrive there somehow we find the strength to forge ahead and make some small changes that slowly develop into larger ones. I hear the disgust in your voice and I get that..it sounds like your really close to moving out of your comfort zone. thanks and blessings your way :)
Try to read books about depression, maybe have a chat with your doctor, dont worry about jumping round, is it any wonder? things are so unpredicable living with an A that you feel, act, respond, unpreditably, its crazy, chaotic, and confusing, and of course it wears us down, I used to feel mentally and physically exhausted.
With depression, I write a list out every day, for things I hope to do that day, it can be as short as, clean fridge, take out rubbish, I make sure not to go over the top because the purpose of this list is to achieve SOMETHING that day, so that it lessens my powerlessness and I feel I done something, had control over something, try it, if some days you dont get everything done, dont be hard on yourself, most days you will achieve one or two things on the list it begins to make you feel a bit in control and you dont feel so bad,
Anyway I woke up, still felt crummy but no headache. In my head I told me to get up, do not go sit, get cleaning.
For me I take care of the basics when I feel like you shared. Drink water, eat healthy, even if just a little bit, give yourself a couple cookies or some soy ice cream. Take a nap if you need to. Read, clean house, play with the animals.
Do the things ya keep putting off, using the dish coupons, sending off income proof for Dec. to mortgage guy. My things here.
dishes, gads I need to do them.
My thing is not so much depression as it is being alone too much. So I get sad.
Its ok to feel what you do! I will accept what I feel and move on as best as I can. Sometimes at night I will just throw on my coat over my jammies or whatever and walk down the road. Feel the cold air on my face, enjoy the peace of darkness.
I think about how tiny I am here standing, I look up at my house and look into the windows. I think about how inviting it is, how warm it looks. I can see the dogs in the windows, if I stay out too long they will start howling...haha
Hon to live with someone who is always like a blanket over you, would feel awfully heavy. How can we ever shine or feel better if we are not loved for who we are, what we are? We are adults, we have the right to make our own choices and decisions! We also thrive when our partner supports our choices our likes, our goals. So it is natural for us to feel beat down, tired if someone is always squashing our hearts desires!
You did not hop around at all. It all came out perfectly! you are swallowing so much PAIN,ok to heck with it. You are swallowing so much poop. no wonder you are sick! I KNOW that feeling!
NO ONE can keep taking so much negative with out it coming out somewhere. When we live in a nightmare, of course we are not going to feel good, feel like throwing up.
I tell ya lady, we swallow so many bad things, when we want to scream, run, change things! When we don't allow ourselves to, or we don't have that choice, we get sick.
I am so so so so sick of this house thing. They now made it go till March. I am in limbo. It can really pull me down. I want to STOP! I want my life back.
So I am doing what I shared, doing the basics. If I have to only feed, and sweep up the big chunks but mostly rest it is ok. Doing my best to be my own best friend.
I am so glad you shared. This time of year seems no matter what, makes things feel so much worse for some.
Please share as much as you need. love,debilyn getting up to find her water. paintbrush still waiting.....
Today was actually a really good day. Went out and did some shopping today almost finishing the Christmas shopping :) and.... AH didn't buy any beer today ( which is amazing)... He even has a couple left in the fridge!! I realize it probably doesn't mean much, but it does make me feel even a bit better
