The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I havent posted in a while but I do read the posts daily and do appreciate everyones sharing.
I have learned so much and I think grown to, these past few months by attending f2f meetings regulary, and reading here and also reading program meditations/writings daily. I still have not found a sponsor but am looking and keep trying to work the steps the best I can.
As I posted before, my 18 year old daughter and I got into a HUGE argument this past summer and the end result was she ended up leaving and going to live with her boyfriend and his family. I am realizing my part in this and just trying to let it go and focus on the future. It is still so hard sometimes not to get slip back into old patterns/behaviors.
I am not really sure of the extent of her drinking at this point in time. But I know that alcoholism is prevalent in both of her parents extended families. It is odd when we see her without her bf, she is the person that we know and love and when she is with him, she acts completely different. It's sad to see her like that and I did call attention to it the other day. I just asked her why she was talking so funny, (she was talking to him in a little kids voice like he was a little baby) it was very odd for me to hear. Of course she denied that she was talking weirdly but of course when we saw her a few days later and she was alone she was back to sounding and acting like herself. bizarre
Anyhow I think this girl just loves and thrives on drama. Now that I have taken a backseat in her and her bfs insanity I can see the cycle replaying. It used to always be me that she was talking about and saying I was crazy, but her behavior, lying and manipulation was making me crazy. Plus I was so focused/obsessed with her and what she was/wasnt doing and trying to fix her, yes I guess I was acting crazy. Well now his mother has moved to the top of the crazy list and she seems to enjoy telling me about how his mother is acting crazy and trying to control them and crying and yelling and on and on.
Hmmm...It all sounds very familiar, same script with only a change in the leading roles. I am getting better and better and not reacting, not asking questions and now realizing that "ha, what goes on in that house is none of my business.' I love this progress. I am learning how to nicely end the converstion or change the subject when she tries to pull me in.
I still worry about her health and safety and pray consistently for God to watch over and take care of her but I realize I cant change or fix anything in her, only myself. So I just keep coming back and listening and working and praying. God and the people in this program are helping me to get my life and identity back and I am so grateful for it.
I didn't realize how lost I had become.
Thanks so much for listening and sharing your esh!!
you seem to have a really good grasp on things now, remember kids go through all stages, and if you detach and leave her to it, suddenly the shine might go off her relationship, who knows, so you have done the right thing by backing off and leaving her to it, and especially by not giving her the attention she wants
some people are wrapped up in drama/crisis the next fix, and will live like that for ever, a lot of my family were like that in that every drama was very "real" to them, they could never understand why I refused to react like they did to it and I was very unpopular for not doing so, but it just wore me out and all I wanted was peace and quiet.
Some good insights there. I'm learning that no matter how "bad" someone else is, there is almost always something I could improve on that would make things at least a little better.
