The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am having trouble making a decision about my vehicle. The insurance totaled it and gave me a sum of money to keep it and a sum of money to give it to them for salvage. The price difference is $600. It looks as though there is not much internal damage, but you never know about that. I need to take the higher amount of money so that I can get a safe car to drive back and forth to college. This is where my dilema is: My AH drives a beat up van and I am feeling like I should take the lesser amount of money and keep the vehicle then just give him the totaled car in hopes that it could still run. I really just want to get rid of it and get myself a new car. I feel like I am doing something wrong if I don't let him have the car. He has not even asked me for the car, but in my mind I think he could expect me to give it to him. I'm not very good at making decisions. I talked to my sponsor and she advised me to do what is in the best interest of my children and me. I have asked my Higher Power to lead me and guide me through this mess, and I will go look in ODAT to see if there is a decision topic. Just need some esh. I have had this vehicle for several years and I'm having trouble letting go of it. There's a possibility that that $600 could help me alot. I get frustrated when making decisions because I am afraid I will make the wrong one. I feel bad that I may be getting a new vehicle while my ah drives around in an old beat up van. Why do I have so much trouble taking care of myself and not worrying about him? Prayers and support would be greatly be appreciated.
Kath, perfect! For me when I don't know how to make a decision, that is my answer, I don' know yet!
Of course the "mom" in me is saying, he is an adult, he can get his own vehicle. YOU take care of you and the kiddo's. I would put the newer care in my name only too! PROTECT you. In your taking care of you, you are doing what the A would want if he was in a recovery program.
If your having difficulty taking care of your needs , buy the safer newer car for you childrens sake . You have a right to be safe and so do your kids . Louise
I had tremendous issues with the ex A and vehicles. I felt absolutely responsible for his transportation. The trouble is he didn't have the same desire to give to me. He left me stranded many a time.
The ultimate test for me was when one of my dogs went missing. He was absolutely obsessed with I should get him a rental car. That was his only bargaining tool for me to get him to help me. By that time I was willing to let go.
I've been over responsible for others all my life. I have to say I really like just being responsible for me these days (and my dogs and a kitty cat too). As the ex A crashed, got tickets by the minute, ripped tires off all the time, there were absolutely endless issues with his transportation which were always brought to me as a crisis. My own problems were seen as huge inconveniences by him.
I have not had a mutual relationship in my life. I'm generally the "giver" and I have started to change that.
Thinking of ourselves first is new for some of us. When we start it feels very very foreign.
