The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ah was sober for awhile, then started drinking on occasion, lately has been spiraling downward rapidly. I've learned so much here that I'm much better able to handle it. I don't obsess over it. I don't even get angry anymore. I focus on myself and do what <i can to take care of myself. I've given the whole situation over to HP. But I sometimes feel so sad. I truly love this man and hate to see what he's doing to himself. I'm always thinking about my plan B, but I can't seem to let go and give up on him. But lately I can't get past the sadness.
I totally understand pineapple, I feel so sad too, when I think of my son, I wasnt ready to lose him yet, still loved being a mother even though he was 23 lol! Still enjoyed his company, sharing time with him, the nurturing, caring etc etc, but now have reached a place where I just cannot live with him and the drinking so he has now moved into an apartment with my husband whom I also feel so sad about, the years we lost to his drinking and lies and deciet knowing that he is a good man, and those years were wasted because we could have been so happy, we were so in love and when he didnt drink things really were very good between us, no abuse etc, we were best friends and loved being together never tired of each other.
I think I am grieving for those lost years, and even grieving for the years ahead, if I reconcile with him knowing it wont ever be as good as it used to be, not now he has taken the shine off things, I think I am grieving for my son, the son I lost to alcohol and the son I now know wont have the life I dreamed of for him, its not that I wanted him to be a doctor or professor, I just wanted him to avail of full time work which is readily available to him, save up some money for himself, work his way up in the company which again is there if he wants it, he could have taken many oppurtunities to train etc, but wouldnt, and to just settle down with his wonderful caring girlfriend and look forward to their future, instead of being so wrapped up in alcohol, I know he is young yet, and may change it all around, so heres hoping and praying, but this dis-ease can be so heartbreaking and saddening, maybe its progress that we are sad right now, maybe its better than trying to change them, control them, cure them, so hopefully after the grieving and sad period might come acceptance?
Some days this disease truly is too much for most of us . You dont have to give up on him its possible to get and stay happy in an alcoholic marriage just give up the idea that you can save him and take care of yourself .. and remember that your husb has a Higher Power too and will take him where he needs to go . I always forgot that one . enjoy the holidays focus on yourself buy yourself something special from Santa , ya never know when the miracle is gonna happen for him . Louise
I totally get where you are coming from. My son is our A and while i do try to work a good program the sadness creeps in somehow. I am so sad that my son has made the choices he has, sad that he doesn't see his own self worth and that he is capable of doing great things with this life, sad that he is in so much pain that he feels the need to numb his feelings with drugs ...I could go on but you get the picture. It is just heartbreaking Now when I feel the sadness or even the anger I give myself a time limit to dwell on it because i can't stuff my own feelings and achieve recovery. So I give myself like 5 min to feel what I am feeling then I start praying, knowing that my son ( alhtough he doesnt believe it) has his own HP who has a plan for him. And I lean on my HP in order to deal with this disease. Blessings
Yes, it is frustrating to go thru, I had 26 years of it.
If you truly love your husband then you must not feel sad. Just protect yourself in every way and I mean financially too. The best thing we can do for ourselves is to be independent in every way. Work the program like your doing , stay with your HP and all will fall into place.
We cannot spend our lives wishing it were different, we either take the action to make our lives the way we want or accept it and work with it.
Life is too worth living and short to be spending it sad, it doesnt change anything.
Alcoholics know when were sad, they know were not happy, it only adds the fuel that they take advantage of, Be of good cheer pineapple, throw them a curve ball.
Good idea Xeno, I believe we have to feel the sadness as its part of the process, the thing with my son is that the company he works for is so good providing training etc he is there six years, every other worker has availed of the training and bettered themselfes through the training and then availed of better wages etc, he has so much oppurtunity available to him which in todays climate is so sad and frustrating to see him pass up on all of this!
he has chances other kids his age would die for, yet he sees his job as a way to get money to buy drink, having said that I do hold onto hope that things will change and he will use whats available to him.
Reality is not always easy to accept..sounds like your grieving the loss of the potential you see in him...thats entirely different than how a person actually is...which is reality...hang in there and take care of you, thank you for your post :)
That sadness can seem so overwhelming. Sometimes I think the reason I stayed with my A so long was that being angry and in turmoil put off the sadness. I'm afraid it must be one of those things where the only way out is through.
Failte, I had a funny feeling when you talked about your son and how you wanted him to do well, even though you weren't demanding that he be a "doctor or professor." The funny feeling was because I am a doctor/professor. If only there were any situation on earth that guaranteed a carefree life! But we're all in the boat together. Anyway, hoping for the best for you and your son.
((((Sis))))...It is soooo amazing what you have done with the program without being to a meeting. It is very important to be in support of you and your recovery and every other member also who can't get to a meeting. You are doing well and that makes me soooo confident about my MIP family...MIP Noners ROCK!! ((((hugs))))
Hi mattie, your post made me laugh, what were the chances of my hitting on your profession!!!!!
My life was so hard as a kid, left school with no qualifications at 14, come from a very large family that had so much dysfunction none of siblings/nephews/nieces stayed through school all opted out and pursued a life of addiction.
my son is dyslexic and had an awful time at school, he too left school at 15, no qualifications, but was lucky enough to get a really good job, where the oppurtunities meant he could over come his low self esteem at leaving school young, and he could have made something for himself, i suppose I am grieving for the potiential, seeing he can make good, and could settle down have nice things, now, not that i am saying if he had a nice house/car/holidays life would be great, I am just saying unlike myself or other family members who all lost out because our lives were dysfunctional, he had an oppurtunity, still has, and isnt seeing that right now,
I just want what every mother wants, to see him enjoying his job, working his way up, having a bit of pride, building on his self esteem i want him to be happy, but I do still hold out hope, he is young yet and the company he works for are very good and will continue to invest in him even when he wont invest in himself.
