The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been sick off and on for a month, and finally went to the doctor on Monday. She diagnosed me with walking pneumonia, and I got the standard "take better care of yourself" lecture from her.
I think I am doing a MUCH better job of taking care of myself emotionally, but it is a struggle to do so physically. My AH is working 600 miles away, so it's just me with 3 kids and 2 dogs. And I'm gone from the house 55-60 hours a week because of my commute and my job. We have a phenomenal babysitter, and that makes a huge difference. But it is still very demanding as soon as I walk in the door. Everybody always needs something from me RIGHT NOW, and it has really been overwhelming me this week. I'm starting to feel better physically, but am super exhausted. Yet how do I not put the children first?
Anyway, your ESH would be greatly appreciated for this kind of thing. How do you all juggle caring for yourselves with meeting your obligations to others?
You could try and impletment things like using your time communting to listen to some kind of meditation tapes, assuming your on a train/bus? if in the car put some music on you like and try to use it as down time
agree with kids that when you come in the door they allow you 20 minutes to have a coffee, and that then you will spend time with them, but no requests/complaints till your in and have had a few moments to yourself
read in bed, light candles, have long baths, weekends take the dogs for walks alone so you can think or have space, watch a favourite movie/programme, be strict and firm, try to even implement 10 minutes at bedtime to stay away and read
I have always kept my bedtime to use time for me reading or watching tv, knowing everyone in the house is asleep, I simply then settle down and do something nice for myself, a friend of mine gets up an hour before everyone else in the house and simply sits and drinks coffee she enjoys the peace and quiet and swears by it as her "me" time
Failte, thank you so much for your suggestions! I do ride the train to and from work, and I LOVE your idea of listening to some meditation/affirmation recordings. I have an MP3 player on my wish list this year, so hopefully I can load some good stuff on it for my commute.
One of the ironic things is that in my house, the baby is actually the lowest maintenance creature right now! He is so laid back and easygoing. My older daughters are much more work. Even the dogs are more work! LOL
No easy answers, of course, but I think it is in prioritizing you and your physical/spiritual/emotional well being very high on your long list.....
I look at it this way - YOU being healthy IS the best for your kids, and yourself, in the long run.... Having a rundown, overwhelmed mother isn't doing the kids or you nearly as much good....
Sometimes that self-care concept can be pretty simple things.... going for a walk, reading a book, taking a bubble bath..... Sometimes we can tie the gym into our workdays - take your lunch break with a workout.... that kind of thing....
Life is hectic indeed, and single mom with 3 kids even moreso..... Just keep plugging away at carving a little bit more Stephanie time into your busy schedule.....
Progress, not perfection...
T
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Totally relate When my kids were young my husband lost his job and the only job he could find was doing long haul trucking. He was only home 3 days a month Good Lord...I learned to have the greatest respect for all the single parents out there. Both my kids did sports which meant all together 4 practices and 4 games each week, also working full time. I swear we lived out of our car it seemed....and when we were home it was homework, bath time, cooking, cleaning......I wish i had all that energy back But while my kids were at practice ( and I stayed for everyone) or a game I would totally relax, it was my only "down time" and I took full advantage of it. I had a comfy chair, sometimes brought a book and just shut out the rest of the world. Remember HALT Hungry, angry, lonely, tired...i didnt know about all that back then but i do now. So when i get overwhemed I go through all those things to see what it is I need and I take care of it as quickly as possible Blessings
I relate to this too. About 6 months ago, I had slacked off going to meetings and didn't really do anything except go to work and come home and stay with my kids. My AH is gone in the evenings a lot doing AA stuff or working out, so most of the time it's just me doing dinner, baths, homework, etc. A friend asked when I have time for me. I just kinda stared blankly. Time for me? Whaa??
I decided to make better use of the time I have between when my kids go to bed and when I go to bed. Instead of doing laundry and cleaning the house all evening, I try to do something I enjoy first ... bubble bath, sitting and looking at the wall and listening to complete silence (haha - I really do this!), calm phone call with my sponsor without kids running crazy or pulling on my leg, having a big piece of chocolate cake (like, actually sitting down and eating slowly and savoring every bite, as opposed to eating standing up in the kitchen while chasing kids and packing lunches), exercising, etc.
I have also gotten up 30 minutes before everyone else and just enjoyed a cup of coffee while my children are still sleeping.
It is hard to fit in time, but it really does make a world of difference. For me, when I don't have "me" time, I start to feel resentful and irritated, my mind starts to tell me that I do EVERYTHING and nobody else does ANYTHING, and the pity party commences. :)
Give yourself a little slack , you have been and still are ill ,of course your tired taking care of yourself now will allow u to be there for your kids later. somehow I always got hung up on the have to keep the kids busy thing , not so all our kids really want are happy parents married to an alcoholic I always over compensated for what was lacking in attention from thier father , I discovered that wasnt necessary either . we do what we can but there comes a time when we have to look after ourselves first . Louise
I struggle with this too. I have so many demands on me and I am tied down a lot with being a single Mom and having a busy work schedule and a busy life and limited resources. I think it was someone on here who mentioned self care in the way of something as simple as packing a good nutritious lunch for ourselves each day. Packing it with the same love and concern as we do for our children. I don't do this everyday or even near enough, but I did it today and as I opened and ate my lunch, I was happy to receive a little bit of love "to me, from me". I have been encouraged to look at "how does it feel to be loved by Rora?" The things that I do out of love that are good, I need to offer that to myself more often.
Hi, I'm Madelyn. This is my first time on and I want to say that the topic is wonderful. I'm working on that and what seems to help me is just to lavish my brain with super positive messages. I still like to bicker and find fault, but it feel so good to just allow the positive thoughts to accumulate.
