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Well....I was working at home today, one of my good friends gets a text from the A....he tells her he's happy and should not have come back to his family, now he just wants to see his kids, but has made no attempt other than harrassing me and my friends about it. .......she said she did tell him he needs to get help and that he's hurt his family way to much. He admitted he made bad choices.......He then text another friend, a mutual one of ours, told him the same thing, that he was happy and never should have left where he was, that friend told him....Well, as long as you're happy, then I guess that matters more than your kids happiness!! His whole happiness thing sounds scripted and i dont know who he is really trying to convince he is happy?? Why tell all these people this? First me, then his brother, sister, friends, my friends....???
Today he finally was brave enough to show up here.....sits out front, wants his things, I put a box of what was left in front, he texts that he's calling the police, his old boss wants his Garmin back.....(I mailed the Garmin to the boss a couple days ago.)....he then says look out the window at me, look at me now that you're not killing me" etc and stupid stuff like that...i text back that i was calling the police....he leaves...
Police come, one of them was one of the guys who hauled him out of the house drunk a couple weeks ago, i tell them whats going on, suddenly he pulls back up out front. They go talk to him, he makes up all sorts of crazy stuff, they tell him to leave and have no contact with any of us. They advise me to go straight to the court tomorrow and file a restraining order and get any visitation amended.....
What a mess....I know that I have to NOT worry about what he's doing, and worry about me and the kids now, and I will be able to do that knowing he's not lurking around and trying to harrass me or mess with the kids....but today and tonight was extremely difficult......and again I'm left to wonder why...and what will happen next?
Dealing with an active alcoholic is one thing. Dealing with an unstable alcoholic is another. Take care of yourself first.....those are not just words. HP sends messages through others many times, today they could have been wearing a uniform. Once again, take care of yourself first.
You are in my prayers.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Wednesday 8th of December 2010 06:54:23 PM
What I see is your husband is so very lost in his disease. Trying so hard to convince himself and anyone else who will listen that he is happy. Truth being he is miserable and misery loves company hence he harasses you I am glad you called the police, pls go for that restraining order! Blessings
Why is he phoning everyone > who knows he's possibly looking for some one to agree with him. If it were me I would do what the police ask then you will have a record of the harassment should you need it . I am sorry your going thru this , I truly do hate this disease . take care of you Louise
(((Shanda))) I'm so sorry you are going through this...
My AH drives me nuts with his (while drunk) insanity, his behaviour and ridiculousness and lies and irritability, I can't imagine that all combined with having to deal with cops and craziness on the front lawn and harassment ect.. I simply cannot imagine.
You are strong! You'll make it through all of this.
I agree with Abbyal - I would guess he's calling the friends to find someone to agree with him... But, try not to worry about why he's doing what he's doing...I'm afraid we'll never fully understand exactly how this disease effects the A or how they are processing thoughts...if they are capable of that at all. Just know - it's the disease's crazy behaviour and mean spirit, not the man.
I would get the restraining order...better safe than sorry, although I understand how hard it must be to take that step.
Arrgg I hate this disease - it is so unbelievably frustrating.
Hang in there, stay strong...tomorrow is a new day! :)
I am sorry to hear about this, it must be awful and confusing, and it turns your world upside down, tell your friends to block his number if they can or ask them never to respond to him, any response is worth something in thier minds, and giving some kind of attention to him when all the attention should be on getting you sane and settled and secure for you and your kids.
Its hard I know,because in some ways we WANT to hear from them, but it just continues the madness, so block his email, phone number, ask your friends to do the same, try to get him as much out of your life as you can, get the restraining order because my worry would be that he will start turning up at kids school, looks to me like he is ready to come back now, is thinking about heading home and perhaps thinks you'll be there with open arms, they have no conception of how hurt or betrayed we feel, so he will think he can just get back in, once he sees any opening it will encourage him, so stamp it out now, and protect you and your kids, from seeing him, hearing from him etc etc, tell your friends if he does contact them NOT to tell you or pass on what he says, that way your protected a little bit.
Sounds like his disease is progressing. One member stated that when dealing with an alcoholic, try to picture them with a stamp on their forehead that says, "sick, sick, sick." It kind of says it all. If I was in your shoes, I would get the restraining order. That way there is a paper trail if anything goes to court in the future (child custody, etc...) Hang in there. This part of their disease is so painful for the family members to handle. But you are doing great.
Failte.....no unfortunately he doesn't want to come back....you see, he left in Aug of 09 on a week long binge episode and a girl (his ex-bosses sister in law) took him in, there he stayed until June of this year when he wanted his family back, I let him back, he got sober for a bit, made all sorts of promises, got my name tattooed on him, told our kids he was determined to make things right, acted happy and said LOTS of things that were pretty convincing...... Then after an almost month long binge in November, he ended up back at her place, where once again she nursed him back to health from his binge.......he then text me from her phone to let me know he never should have left her that he was happy there and it was over.......
Sorry to hear that Shandra, it must be heartbreaking for you, I have seen it again and again when loved ones of A's begin to get strong, they seek someone else out who will let them continue to live the way they have choosen, they just pick up their sickness and take it to someone else.
Try to stay strong, and get that restraining order, know that we are here with you and for you!
