The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hey guys. So it's been a while. I am a little stresses because this week is finals week for school and since I missed so much I have to finish a ton of work. In the meantime, The ex A is plauging my thoughts. Every time my mind wanders from schoolwork to him, my stomach twists in knots and I get super anxious. This has been happening more and more often since the holidays are coming up. We made so many plans for Christmas that I'm going to hate to miss. I bet he doesn't even remember. I have been driving myself extra crazy because I sent him an e-mail a few days ago and he still hasn't replied. It's the first time I have contacted him since the break up. All I said was "Do you have my i pod?" That was the whole e-mail. I keep telling myself I sent it because I really think he has it and I really need it, but I think all of you know the real reason I've contacted him better than I do. I have just been so lonely and anxious lately. I'm so used to being in his arms and feeling loved and warm. Now I just feel empty and cold. It has been a few weeks and it's really not gotten any better, which pretty much sucks majorly. I know in time I'll heal and things will be ok, but in the meantime I don't really know what to do other than keeping busy. I'm just really lonely and I miss him a lot. I won't go back, but I still think about him every day. To sum this whole thing up, life kinda sucks right now. :( Thanks for reading.
I understand relationship withdrawal. Be gentle with yourself, let yourself feel the feelings. Let the fever peak and break.
Journaling my thoughts helped a lot. I also had to support myself by writing to my fearful self in this sort of way, "you will not die of this loneliness, this will pass, this has to end so that something better can take it's place, you only need to endure this a little while longer... etc."
It helped to quickly STOP myself and shift my thinking to my HP. I say something like, "I know you are here with me" or, "Thank you, God, I trust you."
Finally, this also helped me a lot, it's in the Big Book: "Just to the degree that I do as I believe (my HP) would have me do... and humbly rely on Him... does He enable me to match calamity with serenity." I just love this! I memorized it and would recite it over and over and over to keep my thoughts on my HP, not on my obsession....
You are okay, sweetie. You are okay. Keep posting, you're not alone.
-- Edited by glad lee on Wednesday 8th of December 2010 07:36:58 AM
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Break ups at best at least leave one person devestated. leaves one person to grieve "what could have been_ "what should have been" etc Your exbf maybe doing you the favor of a lifetime by letting you go. I may have said this before but I had a boyfriend/fiance for 3 yrs. He was an A. I was looking through bridal magazines he was living his life on the side. Finally told me he had gotten another girl pregnant...wow had not seen that one coming. He married her almost instantly. I was beyond devestated. I gave up on relationships for a year. I would date but no one was allowed to get to close. At almost the end of that year HP dropped my husband practially in my lap. He wasn't looking for a relationship neither was I. yet we fell in love and married. That was 30yrs ago. And I often think back when my heart was broken in a million little pieces, that had I stayed in that relationship I would have been completly miserable. From what little I know now my exbf is on 3rd wife, still an A. Haha No thank you. HP was guiding me every step of the way and i add the fact that this exbf broke up with me to my gratitude every night. For if not for that I never would have met the true love of my life. Give yourself time to grieve.... for me taking a sabbatical on relationships for a year was life changing. I grew up a lot in that year and when the time came was ready for an adult healthy relationship Blessings
I've heard it said people involved with A's can be as addicted to them as they are to their alcohol. When things get tough for an A they fly back to the very thing that makes them sick...hmmm, how different are we then them?
Something that helps me in that situation is asking myself..."how has that work out for me in the past"?
-- Edited by Peggy7 on Thursday 9th of December 2010 06:31:48 PM
Awww.....I feel the same way....it's so sad isn't it? We miss them so much and then forget about the bad times and remember the good and think about the future plans we had.....my heart aches, constantly....I wonder if it's something I'll ever get over. I have heard of those who feel this same way 20 years down the road.....if the U.S. wasn't so vast....those of us who felt lonely, especially around the holidays could all get together and celebrate together. To be with others who feel the way we do....what a wonderful thing that would be. I guess online here is as good as it gets.
