trying hard - Al-Anon Family Group

pattyann1963 · Veteran Member

trying hard

Brookiebabe222 · Member

Hello Patty. This is my first reply to someone else's message so bear with me. I was just compelled to reply to your post. I am going through the same situation as you are right now. I had a boyfriend who was the most amazing person in the world when he was sober, even when he was high. But when he was withdrawling he treated me like dirt. So after a year, I finally decided to break up with him. That was about three weeks ago. I can't stand drugs or drinking. They have ruined so many lives and have crushed the hopes and dreams of many of my friends and relatives. I so understand your destain and hatred of these substances. I am a member of the LDS faith as well, and have been my entire life. I have had no desire to do drugs or drink, but everyone else in my family has. It's a horrible thing to be surrounded by, especially since we are specifically taught of the dangers and risks of doing such things. Patty, you deserve so much better than the way he is treating you. You are a Daughter of God and he loves you and wants the best for you. Think to yourself, "Would my Heavenly Father approve of this man? Is this a person who is suited to be with a divine Daughter of God?" I think you will see that the answer is clear. I'm sure you love him, but you must love yourself first. That's the ONLY way you will be happy. I hope this helped.
~*Brookie*~

pattyann1963 · Veteran Member

thanx brooks,ive just subscribed to lds singles site,all my life and im now age 47 ive been with and married to duds that were never of my faith,and would never be,so for me to solve this problem ive declared to myself to only go with lds males only for a very good reason all my own,so happy to hear yur of my faith also ive been a lds member since 1992 my son age 24 and daughter r also lds members i was a convert none of the rest of my family ,parents,bros,sisters etc.. r from other faiths,when i became a member man one would have thought that all the powers of earth and hell were upon me,yes ive really had to fight for my religion to stay with it and ive even grown even stronger now the more i look around and see other faiths from my freinds and all that goes on im very gratefull for my religion.as for my ex.b/f i dont ever see him enymore for a reason ,that i dont want too,ive had enough,he wil never change,he is who he is and thats that and i go into depression just being around him,we r complete opposites for sure,and he uses people places and things to the extreme,i hope i can find me one day a lds person that i can relate to ,an eternal mate,but im in noway in eny hurry for sure im enjoying being by my self and doing things i enjoy doing,im very independent,but ive been made tobe that way,yes i am and have been working on myself i attend a 12 step group our ward has every week,its gr8t and i attend other meeting as well have been for the last 7 yrs or so,i know im very tired of these go no where relationships for sure and yur right their the most or can be the most fun and smart ppl to be around untill he would take that 1st drink and it would be all over with,he would have to have a good high in able to sleep at nite,how ever he could get that high,he has put me through it though like no other,he has drug me through drug rings,me not knowing nothing he has sliced my tires after an all out drunkin high on pills and vodka for no reason etc etc,yes im tiered and throwing in the dish rag id rather spend the rest of my life alone then to be with another alcohol/addict,,,he was my stomach problems my stomach hurt soo bad all the time but since he has been out of my life its finnally quit hurting thought i was gonna have to go to an gasterionologist for a long time but i m now fine,maybe ill continue going in this direction,i hope.

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Pattyann

I write this with much caution and as much respect as I can so please know that right off the bat. I do not want to offend you or your religion what so ever.
What I would like to say is no matter our religious affiliation we are all human therfore subject to human character defects.
I live in Utah but am not of the lds faith. When we first moved here, my first job was cleaning houses. And I can tell you from personal experience I found more booze and drugs in lds homes than any other. They hide it very well. There is much expectaion to have "the perfect family" here or at least put out that perception and I do not know one single of my lds woman friends that are not on an anti depressant or anti anxiety med in order to put on the show of the perfect life. And many of my friends also have beautiful relationships. I just hate to see you put all your eggs in one basket.
In the end any man you find will be just that a man and like any man/woman subject to failings. being of a specific religion does not give you the promise of a healthy happy realtionship.
I hope and pray that it happens for you. But if you are going into this dating site with the expectaion of finding the perfect person because they are of a particular religious affiliation you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Again we are all human, we all come in with our own baggage.
I seriously hope I didn't offend you or your religion. I am a firm believer in each persons right to practice and live the faith of thier choice.
Keep us updated
Blessings

Brookiebabe222 · Member

Patty, I am glad that you have decided what you want and don't want in a relationship. And although I am very much wanting to marry and be with someone of my own faith, I agree with xeno to a certain degree. It's fabulous that you have joined the LDS dating website, but people are people reguardless of religion. We all have our flaws and our short comings. I think the key to finding a great guy is to know them before you date them. Be friends for a while, get to know their friends. See how they treat other people. I ended up dating my ex A after only knowing him for three days. (FYI, I have NEVER rushed into ANYTHING that fast before!) Because of that, I fell in love with him before I knew any of his flaws. It is SO important to know a person before you date them or you could end up in the same relationships you have already been in. My ex A was mormon, but he was still an A. I understand the importance and appeal of being with someone who believes the same things as you do, but don't knock other people out of the picture just yet. You may find the perfect person and he may not be LDS like you. But who knows what will happen? There could possibly be a conversion somewhere in there. I am in no way saying date people who aren't LDS so you can convert them. I'm just saying that you should open yourself up to all GOOD people who will treat you right. xeno, I too live in Utah. I know exactly what you are talking about. I grew up in Virginia and Germany and moved here in 2002. Many people here put on a front of being perfect for fear of being judged. Unfortunately this gives our church a bad name. This is the only state I have experienced this in. But don't be put off by the Mormon faith because of these people. All the church teaches is to love and accept people and help whenever we can. And you stated your opinion very objectively and in no way offended me. You are a great woman and have helped me so much through my struggles lately. Thank you so much for being so willing to offer your wisdom with us on this site. You are truly a blessing. :)

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