The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night was interesting to me. Yesterday about half way through the day I could tell my Abf had been drinking and possibly whatever else. Regardless, I of course got a little obsessed. I went into the crazy thinking that us codependents do, which is my way of avoiding what hurts. I get so involved in thinking about what HE is doing, what HE might be doing... blah blah blah. Lucky me, I have a sponsor :) I talked to my sponsor. I asked her a million and a half questions. We talked about what the disease really means. That it is really a disease of mind body and spirit. That the way I cope with my disease is focusing on others. The way the alcoholic/addict copes with their disease is by using/drinking. WOW I get it now! HA
Anyway, on with what happened, as I am sure I must have interested someone out there :)
Ok, I knew he had been drinking, I got an attitude right away. I got mad. I got sad. I knew there was nothing I could do. So after talking to my sponsor, I realized I needed to change that attitude and refocus on me and my kids. When we got home, we ate a nice supper that my abf had made (yes he is good about that, gets supper going and dishes done etc.). We decorated the xmas tree. We joked around and smiled and laughed. I did some photo work for my bf that he needed for a picture of him and his brother. Around 8:15pm, I felt that HE was going to ask me something, I could tell he was building up to it. We had gone around about this before, Saturday night I had finally put my foot down. He isn't supposed to drive, but when he has been drinking or using, he asks to use my car to go get cigarettes. I went in the bedroom. I knew he would follow and he did. I told him I wasn't comfortable with him driving my car right now.
He said "its not a big deal". I said what is it you want to get... ok I admit, that was dumb, I knew the answer. I then said "well if that is more important to you right now, then you go do that, but you cannot take my car." He said "don't put it that way." He said "Its not more important than you". I just looked at him, calmly. I didn't say another word.
I then said, when I feel like I am beginning to obsess about something I find I have to do the next right thing, which usually means I have to get my mind busy with something that isn't the obsession
I looked at him. He looked at me. He gave me a kiss and walked into the living room.
Then he and my younger son watched the football game that was on, Patriots V. Jets.
I am not sure if I did all the right things, but seriously, when I work my program, it seems to go a lot better. And we had a good night before and after that, so it seems that I did ok :) He didn't go anywhere and I think he was glad he didn't.
Any thoughts? Thanks for reading .... Blessings!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
You are right, it works when you work it. I'm glad you did the next right thing. That is very helpful to me when I am around my AH. Way to go with standing up for yourself and not letting him borrow the car. I think you did a great job.
Bravo!! The next right thing...simply done...for the right reasons (yours)...keeping with our recovery program...The very best you could with what you had. My sponsors taught me that way also. Yay!! ((((hugs))))
Oh that was so inspirational. What you say in bold and the sentence after is a way I have not thought about it. Thank you so much. It is now on a sticky tab on my nightstand.
You did just great in setting a boundary and sticking to it. So happy for you it turned out well.
Sounds like you followed through with a boundary you had set...thats a victory in my mind. he asked and you did the next right thing..good for you. I know how hard it is sometimes to follow thru with boudaries we have set so great job! Blessings
Doing the next right thing. What a wonderful concept!
When I get all frazzled and bent out of shape and life seems to be coming at me all too fast, I love that I have the right to take a moment and ask myself...Ok, what is the next right thing....smiling here I'm reminded it can be as simply as having taken that moment to collect myself. Other times it can be as simple as asking for help from above and realizing I'm not in this alone.
