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Hello everyone..I am new here tonight...Tomorrow I go to my first al anon meeting.
My son age 30 is an addict (alcohol,speed and cocaine) that I know of. I have talked to him a lot and he refuses to go for help. He refuses to have anything to do with his daughter. wich is good at this time. Two weeks ago he lost his job. Has no money. I finally got so sick of his whining that I told him he was no longer welcome in my home. Well as you can guess all H has broken loose. He messaged me and called me every name he could think of. I can't go back on my word but it is so hard right now. I love my son unconditionally but will no longer be a part of his problem no will I watch him kill himself. He readily admits he is an addict.
Today he messaged me to ask if I could get him a pkg of smokes and I told him no he was having withdrawls I did tell him that if he needed I would take him to the hospital.
As I mentioned before I am attending my first al anon meeting tomorrow night and my issue is that my sister in-law has decided she is going to go too as well as bring a friend along....I feel the only reason she is going is to be nosey.The friend she is bringing is my other brother's son's girlfriend...Oh Lord this is a mess. Her and I tolerate each other for my brothers sake and that is all. I feel they are intruding on my privacy. I intend to go any way in hopes that she will only addten a few meetings....How do I go knowing all this.
And the kicker is I am a drug and alcohol councellor
I am so very sorry that this terrible disease had invaded your home. So glad you will be attending an alonon meeting tomorrow. You will be enriched just by being there. Be sure to pick up a beginner package and if possible purchase a Courage to Change Daily reader. Even if other family members are there with you you can listen and at the end of the meeting find someone that you could relate to and ask to speak alone.
Being an alcoholism councellor I am sure you know the disease and how we , the family who love the alcoholic become sick too.
We have meetings here 2xs a day and open chat. You are not alone there is hope and help. I do know how painful it is to have a child under the effects of this terrible disease.
Please keep coming back and let us know how the meeting went
Welcome! I am sure you have looked for other meeting times...
I am or was a counselor too. Mostly for Kids at risk.
We still need each other!
If those ladies go for no other reason than to snoop, I doubt they will last long. Al Anon is a commitment to health. A huge one.
We have meetings here in the chat room if they do get too much to bear.
My dear you know you are doing the best thing possible for your dear son. NOT easy. My son is 34. I am blessed he is not an addict, but he is bi polar prone to depression so i know how it is to love our kiddo who is struggling.
When I go to a new situation, basically I humble myself. Sometimes just getting my body there. Happy to be there. YOU are important, I hope for the best for you!
Please come back and share as much as you want to! We need you too.
Pick up the literature that is offered and if you feel safer not talking , just listen , then pick up a meeting list find other meetings where your Sis in law dosent know where your going so you can have the space u need to share honestly . Don't feel bad your not the only councelor who has needed this program and I am sure you wont be the last . Now your on the other side of this disease , forget what you think you know go with an open mind and you will hear what you need to hear . Good luck Louise
I am a newbie here and have the same problem with my son, with him its alcohol, he is 23, I left my marital home 7 months ago as I just couldnt look at him killing himself, he was VERY angry with me for leaving, and cut me out of his life, his ruthlessness shocked me to the core, we were very close and loved spending time together, had been through a lot together.
A week ago I returned to the family home and put him out, I had to call the police to remove him, he simply wouldnt go, even though I gave him the choice to stay but to stop drinking around me, he wouldnt even agree to stop drinking for ONE night, then I realised how dependant he was, and it shook me.
I had already created a home for him to go to, with my husband, decorated it, furnished it, etc etc, was ready to walk into, but still he was angry with me and said I was a bad mother for putting him out, he now hates me because I called the cops on him, and wont talk to me again.
this is so heart breaking, I loved him so much and he me, he always told our friends how he loved his mum and dad, how we had been there for him and stood by him through everything, every birthday and christmas card he would write how much he loved me and was proud of me, and now I have to stand by and watch alcohol take all that from me, so much love and time invested, I was stupid enough to believe if you put the sacrifice in you got the reward from child raising,
for now all I can do is sit back and pray to God my latest actions will someday work, at least I have my family home back now, the home I spent years building up around me, it sure hurt like hell when I felt pushed out of here and my son wouldnt even meet or talk with me to find a way to compromise, it actually seemed like he was glad to get me out as he had his father wrapped round his little finger and looking back now I think my leaving gave him the freedom to settle down into his drinking, of course it also gave him the excuse to drink more as his mum had left him.
I pray that he matures now he is living with Dad, and paying half the bills, so its a big step in the right direction, I miss him, and things sure seem quiet without him, I accept i have lost him for now, and i am enjoying the peace and not having to watch him drink every night,
my thoughts and prayers are with you, it has helped me greatly on here, stay with us, and know you are valued and understood.
One thing I have learned here is to not share everything with every one I know. If they don't know I am going to alanon, they can't invite themselves along. I have learned that I need to talk to my sponsor and not relatives. I have learned to keep to my program and focus solely on me. I work hard at that every day and come back to it if I slip and start obsessing about the A in my life. Take care of you!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Our son is also an addict he is 22. In trouble with the law and has spent the last 10 months in jail/rehab. He is now allowed to leave the jail each day to look for work and go to out patient therapy. He was supposed to be released from jail last month but per his program in jail he will not be released until he has a job working 30 or more hours a week and a place to live. The hardest decision we ever had to make was telling our son our home is no longer his home. Of course he was angry at the time...I refused to put up with his abusive language when he would call blaming us blah blah and told him as he was calling collect i would not accept his calls until he was ready to be civil. Then on a visit he started the blame game again trying to get me to argue with him. I told him i did not come to visit him only to be mistreated and he could let me know when again he was ready again to be civil and I walked away, crying the whole time. I never had to have that conversation with him again. After that every call or visit was positive and upbeat. He was 10 months in the jail/rehab unit and now he leaves the jail each day to look for work as that is a condition of his release. He has been pounding the pavement everyday looking for a job and finding disappointment at every turn. Its hard enough for anyone to find a job right now much less than someone who has a criminal record. But he has done so well in not backsliding as we so feared he would. When we saw him this past weekend he brought up that he was doing so well that he should be able to come home when released and all our hearts had to break again as we stuck to our boundaries and tell him No but we would be happy to help him get a place to live. Unlike the "old" him he didn't try and argue as we told him honestly that our living together would be toxic for all of us. That I was not far along in my own program to be able not to obsess on him all the time if he were living at home and he would go back to being resentful, He understood completly. Pls go to the alanon meeting even if you feel the others are tagging along to be nosey. It is all about you and getting you healthy, you need not bother with what the others may say. Just concentrate on your own program and get yourself healthy. If the others are tagging along just to be nosey they will tire of it soon enough...of course after going to a few meetings they may also see that they need to be there also and want recovery for themselves. I wish you all the best...I know how hard and incredibly painful it is to have an addicted child and witness the incredible pain they are in. And being a parent who's job it is to care for our children to have to let them go and find thier own way. My heart goes out to you I can tell you without a doubt this program has saved my life and my sanity and I dont say that lightly it is completley true. By the time I got here i was just as if not sicker than my son and I was desparatly in need of help. The good people of this program gave me my life back, it can do the same for you Blessings in your recovery
Thank you so much everyone for your support...I live in a very small town where everybody knows everyone's business...there is only one meeting a week and only at one place...I am going to go to the meeting...I will not let her interupt my healing and Sunflowergirl how right you are I could have kicked myself after I mentioned...too late now for this but there will be other times I am sure that I will have to check myself before I speak....The meeting is tonight at 8pm and my fieance supports my going...he encourages it I will let you all know how it turns out
Dear butterflies, would you feel better letting them know you would much rather go alone? That is an option. Who is this about, you or them?
Depending on your relationship, of course. This gave me the shivers because my in-laws were snoopy too, they liked to gather information and then gossip among themselves behind everyone's back, it seemed to be their hobby.
If I thought it would be used against me somehow, I would request to go alone. (((hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
