The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've had a lot of news sort of tumble down on me in the last week or two... I think a lot of this stuff might have overwhelmed me in the past, but right now, I'm feeling a lot of detachment from it all, but I have this little paranoid voice waaaay back in the depths of my head trying to tell me... "Oh, you should be more concerned about this... this could come bite you if you don't *think* about it more and prepare more..."
I'm just gonna use this post as a streaming thought process, so if this seems rambling and pointless.... sorry... just me expelling things from my head.
1. I found out that my aunt and uncle are separating... possibly getting a divorce... after I think around 35 years of marriage. It IS a surprise to me because I've always assumed they had a good relationship... but I don't live with them and can't ever know what goes on behind closed doors. I just heard from my dad that they said they just don't love each other any more. I suspect alcoholism has a part to play in it all, somewhere. My uncle can drink quite a bit and be a bit of an ass while drunk. I guess the anxiety I have is that that image of stability in my family fell apart, and I wonder at times if I'll ever see my uncle again after everyone parts ways.
2. I had to play the tight-wad boss the other day when an employee's anniversary with the company came up. Told her there would be no increase this year. She's been in the company a long time, which also means she's spilling over the top of her position's top salary range. The entire business right now is still trying to stay above water with the whole recession. I did give her an increase last year because she'd made some stellar improvements in her productivity and attitude... and last year I was very clear with her that there would be no increase this year because she's topped out on her salary range. Last year she said "okay, that's fine". This year she told me not receiving an increase this year was like a "slap to the face." I asked her what changed since last year when she said she understood there would be no increase this year and I just received a guilt trip about how her cost of living has increased and a million other things. I really wish I COULD do more for her, but the corporation will not allow another increase under our current conditions, especially when she's making what she is right now (she makes more than ME even, and I'm her boss!). So... in any case, there's a lot of that anxiety going on about having to make sure everyone is "Happy" around me. Not being comfortable with others being upset, and so on. So I keep having this conversation in my head that I'm making things personal, and this is NOT personal. This is company directive... I'm not forcefully withholding an increase because I want to make her miserable or think she doesn't deserve it or am trying to force her to perform in some manner.
3. Found out my boss has been promoted, which is exciting news for her, and she certainly deserves it... but this also means that some time in the future, I'll be getting a new boss... and that definitely brings up a lot of anxiety for me. I LOVE my current boss, she's fantastic, and I'm probably going to have some ridiculous high expectations with the new boss whenever that person arrives... which, who knows... could be several months from now.
4. Found out my grandmother had a mild stroke the other day and that she's now in the hospital and will be undergoing some surgery. Fortunately the stroke was extremely mild - it was one of those freaky ones that happens and the person who had it doesn't even notice... just that their attitude suddenly changes and they don't seem to recognize people or remember things. Her mind's become better, she's back to her normal self for the most part, but it's still alarming. And it's scary business having her go into surgery at her age. Something tells me she's going to be just fine, but there's that little voice in my head again trying to tell me I *should* feel upset and unhappy over this. That my not being distraught over it all makes me a bad person.
So... that's what's going on... and really, logically, none of this stuff directly affects me. At least not right now. It's a lot to take in, but really, there's not much I can DO about any of it. All out of my hands... not in my control.
But that little anxiety monster sure what's to pop up and tell me I should be screaming and a bundle of nerves... not be so detached.
Its hard to detach from your daily life and the happenings of everyone else around us. Its what makes life interesting. The drama of our life and everyone elses. What would life be like if everything went smoothly and there were no obstacles. Pretty boring.
The trick is not to let others stuff overwhelm us and you shouldnt feel guilty if your not distraught over events. As a matter of fact to be distraught over this stuff is the abnormal way to feel. I had a stroke 3 years ago a little worse then your Aunts, was in the hospital 5 days. I am fine, didnt not forget anything or anybody. Almost normal, I walk everyday, watch my diet take my meds and try to eliminate stress. Im fine and Im sure your Aunt will be.
" I recall the words of an old ditty, that said: "Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you...
Sometimes, you just need to ignore that little voice.
Hi Aloha t I recognize that feeling I know when I was new to program there was a time when I found myself at peace even when hings were going on all around me. My old self kept "Trolling" for a reason to become upset and anxious
I did not know it then but The peaceful place was unfamilar and I liked chaos
Keep on using program and know that One Day at a Time you will face each of these issues with Courage, Serenity and Widsdom.
