The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been away from the board for a while and I've missed it terribly. It wasn't long ago that my Mom, who lives 6 hrs away, was told she has terminal cancer and it has been a whirlwind for me ever since. She's been in hospital since mid October, I've gone to see her at every possible chance I can. Trying to balance working fulltime, being a single Mom, living far away from my Mom and my core circle of people, is a difficult task.
My exah a story as well. This evening I drove 45 minutes to bring our 6yr old son to see him. exah was wasted. I had to explain to our son that Daddy isn't able to take care of him right now, so we need to go back home. Of course it's hard on the child, but the normally difficult to convince child, did finally cooperate, after some teary moments. Then, exah announces that it's the new medication he's on, causing the intoxication, and that he only has 2 yrs to live. I looked sternly at him and said, "Now is NOT the time." My son and I left. It was very sad when exah asked our son for a kiss goodbye and our son for the first time ever timidly said "no thank you".
My son and I had a talk, more in detail this time than ever before, about alcoholism, what it is, what it means. I emphasized that Daddy is sick, he doesn't have it under control and so it's not safe for Daddy to be taking care of kids right now. I also emphasized that it's no one's fault. That it's Daddy's problem to take care of. Then I explained what a "PLAN B" is...and we made one and agreed afterwards it was a great one!
So ... with all that is going on in my life otherwise, I just don't know where to go from here, in regard to exah? What if he IS dying? We all are, right? I suspect it is a pity ploy. I'm not mad. I'm really sad. I have a lot of compassion for him. I pray for him always. I want the best for him. I suspect he, without even knowing, is grasping at straws to make me pity him, and also give him excuse to his disappointing behaviour. At the same time, I don't trust his emotional stability and do wonder sometimes if he might accidently or even on purpose, off himself one day. So, now what? What do I do from here? Do I call him tomorrow to make sure he is still alive? Do I just carry on as normal? Do I wait for him to surface? Do I call his grown daughters and ask them to touch base with him?
I have missed you and am so sorry that mom is so ill and that EXAH is having serious consequences of this dieease It really sounds as if you and your son have had a wonderful connection over the issues and are working this difficult time using all your tools.
It is true alcoholics do exaggerate , manipulate and lie to try to get people to respond to their needs.
Knowing all this, it is still possible to detach with love and either call him yourself to see how he is or suggest that his grown children check in as he has indicated that he may have a serious health crisis.
For me that was the best call. Your Mom can respond to your care and concern and empathy and you will get love in return. Love cannot exist without some dimension of Justice...(((((hugs)))))
and what if he is dying? why would you call the A tomorrow, he says he has 2 more years to live. Alcoholics walk a death rope, they could die at anytime, we could die at anytime, there is no guarantee.
You have so much on your plate, forget the A for the moment. Isnt it amazing how kids have better intstincts the adults when he refused to kiss him, consequences for the A.
Im sorry your Mom is sick, first things first. Make every moment count with her.
I have missed your sweet face here on the board. My friend you have so much on your plate. Sometimes you just have to leave things for a while. Answers come when we are most ready to receive them. I too remember when my Tim said that he was dying. It was long before he actually passed. It was hard to know if it was the alcohol talking or it was really true. I just said it aside until he was sober enough to mention. He didn't remember the conversation. He didn't deny that he was sick, but he didn't say that he was. However we all know that if addicts keep doing what they do, eventually the alcoholism does kill them.
Having said that, I would turn it over to HP. When and if you are ready to talk to him about it, you will. You did wonderfully with your son. Your children are lucky to have you. Don't be a stranger here, we've missed your ESH. I too get in here as often as I like. It's a busy time of year for all of us, plus life sometimes just gets in the way. This all about accepting life on life's terms. Much love and blessings to you and your family. Prayers for your Mom and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
My mother was very ill, breast cancer. I went to stay with her. I would call A who would be very distant.
I didn't know he was drinking. When she was in active dieing, A calls is cussing me out,asking me if I drained her dry yet. And more horrible stuff! I had NEVER heard him talk like this, I handed the phone to my sis is law.
Was horrible.
It shows the A will want our attention no matter what. They are selfish, thoughless and full of evil from the disease.
Acitve A's, A's not in recovery will do anything to get everyones attention. NO fun to go down alone.
We are all dieing. NO one know when. I liked that one commercial that said we don't have an expiration date stamped on the bottom of our foot.
Your dear Mother needs to know you are ok. She is concerned about you. Myself I told he A to get out of my house, not be there when I got home.
It was my experience I was NOT going to let an insane person take me away from my Mother.
A's will use anything to get our attention, do anything. Myself I would ignore, and not give him any attention.
Even how he told you was insane. True or not? So? What can you do anyway? He is an adult he can take care of himself.
I know the turmoil you feel. I was working too. I was fortunate though as a teacher we have all kinds of leave and I was donated leave to stay with Mother!
I hope you can be with her as much as possible. If driving is hard, maybe a train?
This is how the disease sucks people around it dry.It does not care about anything else. We have to be well enough to not allow it to happen!
