Nothing yet, no news. My advocate called Mon. and Fri.

I was thinking maybe one cannot be ok when lifes hard stuff hits us. Maybe the important thing is to keep kicking. To keep walking, dressing, cleaning house, talking to hp.

My body honestly feels like a bunch of knots like how some viney plants get when they are very old. Eating and drinking is very hard.

I don't like feeling this physically weak. I don't believe there is anything wrong with wanting things to be familiar. I miss the going to my Mothers and gmas where things were the same.Being in the same little town, same stores, gas station all this is important to me.

I look at the mountains every day all day and thank hp. I see the seasons change here. Animals came her broken who now shine and have great new homes. Some are still here very old.

Two pigs are stick pigs, they get like this when they are very old. I feed them special, keep a close eye on them as they fall down and cannot get up.
betttyJane and Sam.
My horse is not an easy keeper like he was. I feed him off and on all day, he has a heavy coat on. Needs his teeth done.Elgin

The once terrified llama, Campbell, eats out of my hands, looks at me right in the eye. The sheep Pammy is very tall and big. She cannot lamb or she will die. So she is Llamas friend. She was a breeder, not a pet, now is always in your face, very obtrusive, loves people. Pammy.

My tortoise is about 135 pounds, Fred. He is a sulcatta. He has his own bedroom. In summer has 2/3s of an acre to wander on. I LOVE fred. he runs to me, and plops to sit with me.

My parrot, Reeba, would let me stick my finger down her throat, she trusts me. She is the only voice in our home.

My dogs surround me always. Happy silly things.

Cats are all round, big, have their own room in the barn, freefed. A new one is here, a pretty all grey one who is now very pretty. gotta catchim and get him fixed.

I feed hundreds of birds.

I have never turned an animal away. they have come from people who had horrible diseases happening to them, once who died. Animals abandoned in pastures, in barns.

animals so abused and injured you would never think they would trust humans again. But they all surprised me.

Once came in in horrible shape, got beautiful but not long died in their sleep.

Eden is not just a piece of land. Is it part of HP. I thrive here, I get my life from here, as do many others.

If it were not for the animals who need me, I would be so done here. I don't believe in suicide. I feel I have lived a full life. Gma and Gpa lived so long so I don't think I am going to get out that easy.

I was thinking last night, having nothing means you have nothing to lose. I think it is a song. Trouble is I already have some living somethings who need me.

I think if I did not have them, and things go sour as far as our home, I would sell everything, give things away, and go away. Buy a ticket to Africa or Australia, go live in Africa, put up an orphanage, support as many as I could, be a missionary. Have nothing but the love I have to give.

I can get my ssd pers and disability insurance there. I would be rich there. could help so many. I am thinking outloud. Hope that is ok.

I suppose I could take my 8 dogs. But the whats it called? they would keep them in kennels for 6 months. I would have to camp outside where they were...sigh. quarentine.

What am I learning? I am learning, I don't want anything. Which is not so bad. I won't get more of anything. I cannot imagine my life without one dog. So that may be one thing I will "need."

So honestly if I have nothing, I have nothing to lose. It took soooo much for my ex AH to get me to be his. After being a widow, surviving that, he always assured me he was not leaving.

He called me from work, he understood my need for him to be very careful.

So when he left, and Mother died, who was super healthy at 65. D breast cancer, ugh.

Now here I am, day at at time. For sure one foot step at a time. In these times I don't have anyone to buy it and rent it to me. Even my friend who is a doctor has to be careful. With all the insurances etc.

I know i have been blessed to have this home. NEVER took if for granted. I go for walks in the pasture and think about how those are my weeds for while I am on earth.
When I was young I spent soooo much time in other peoples pastures with my dogs, catching frogs and looking at turtles.

Now I have a little pond and a big one.

If someone needed help to put animals here, even if it were temp. they were welcomed. I had a gal live in the extra room for awhile. She was homeless. Ended up being very mentally ill, I was not safe, animals either, so I had her leave.

If I get to stay, I will be looking for someone in my situation to share Eden. I also want to put in an Rv area for someone. OR offer a piece of land for them to do it.

(As this is my plan b if I have to leave. I will make me an area with my own funds)

ONLY becuz there is a small ditch to have to cross. Have to put in culvert etc. get gravel back there.

ug sorry. I am jabbering, got dis's ear this morn, Jers too.

well eyes. and for Jerry, sweetie.

This is where the A disease can get you. It sucks you even after they are gone. I know my condition is partly from the horrors of the abuse from the A. physically, mentally and emotionally.

I am better, but 100% disabled. NEVER thought I would be here. I was such an athelete, always skiing, horse riding, motorcycles....sigh

hmmmm and loved boys! They were so much fun.

Lost my bil who I loved since 14 to death from his liver going. I was blessed for awhile. had a husband, bil, their friends and my son around. I did not have to do any hard work. heaven.

Was nice having men around.

MIP has been part of my heart for so many years. Many times I share things here no one else knows. As we know most don't understand and are so bitter at our A's, blame them.

It honestly helped to share. thank you. love,debilyn and animal family