The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I've discussed the past, the pursuit of happiness has been a big deal to me lately in overcoming depression, negativity etc. I've begun to engage in more activities I enjoy on a regular basis and this has helped alot. I've also tried really hard (boy was it tough at first) to be aware of things in my life that I TRULY feel grateful for.....not just things I SHOULd be grateful for.
I now feel an urge to move on the next level which will possibly involve some risk. I'm not sure I'm ready (I don't know what it is either ) but I feel the need to actively WORK at something that will bring me more happiness and joy and fulfillment. I know I'd love to play guitar publicly (even thought there is some anxiety in that) and toward that end I'm going start taking lessons on a regular schedule. I may start some real projects to improve the look of my home (I always feel embarrassed at how run down and sloppy it is)......and this time it doesn't feel like an obligation to make me feel better......I think I will really feel good with some new molding, paint and cleaning out some closets and storage rooms to make room to remove much of the clutter in the house.
I have to see.....I do need to get back on track taking better care of myself. As I feared my inactivity from my knee surgery reignited my slothful side and I've quickly gained 5-6 pounds since 11-18 and am not in good habits with sleep, not exercising etc.
I can really identify with the idea of finding what I'm really grateful for, rather than what I'm supposed to be grateful for. I used to dutifully list all my advantages ("I have a job, I have a place to live, I have...") but I didn't feel the gratitude, and then I'd feel guilty that I didn't appreciate what I had. "What's wrong with me, I have so much I can't even feel gratitude for it. I'm so bad..." etc. etc.
So it was quite a concept to find the things I really do feel grateful for, and try to expand those feelings. Sometimes they're just the littlest things. I find it hard to be grateful that I have a job, even though I know not having one would be much worse. But for me having the job I have is a mixed blessing. But I did find it easy to feel grateful for the marmalade on my toast this morning. Starting small and working up...
This sounds like a GREAT plan! I am happy to see you working on this even more. You deserve to be happy and it sounds like you are sure doing the work!
I always find a good clear out in my home really helps me enormously, even if its just one small cupboard, or something as big as the garage, or the clothes in my wardrobe, every few months I write a small achieveable list of things to do in or around the house, the purpose of this is just to show me I CAN achieve things, however small, or unimportant, I DID achieve something.
its pychological but clearing out the clutter in something as small as a cupboard helps me to believe I am clearing clutter out of my brain/mind!
I see lots of great things in your post MJ Taking risks are always hard and sometimes we may be disappointed but even so you can always say you tried however it turns out. And it is in the trying where you use your courage. When you are done with your projects around the house you are welcome to come help with my projects lol. I have been refinishing my kitchen cabinets a year now. I get discouraged sometimes and push the project away because it seems never ending...my cute husband always wants to help but I am stubborn and say I started this, I will finish it....and i will if it kills me lol Keep up the good work I always enjoy your posts Blessings
great progress on changing what u can and beginning to feel grateful for the basic good things we have working for us... this is the start of seeing solutions and not fixating on what is wrong - as u know what we focus on - manifests more of the same.
Growing up in dysfunction with distant/unavailable parents (emotionally speaking) we are in a constant state of fear focusing on and anticipating the adult's needs - we learn to look for the other shoe to drop - all the time. If this was the case for you too, then this is where it comes from, that feeling of u having to be - doing something (anything) all the time. I was often in a rush to do anything, so much so that I often made messes or sabatoged things that had no reason/need to be destroyed or hurt. But it is a way for us to feeel like we are doing something powerful too.
I would say to- practise slowing down. When u get the urge to do anything bc of fear/anxiety... I would suggest breathing deeply, feeling and acknowldeging the fear and then letting it go, and allow it to subside. Take your time and you will see that part of the fun is in the process. Feel the anxiety, hand it over to HP and willingly release it to HP. It is okay to not rush, it is okay to consider the possibilities. Taking my time in this way - say, someone calls and asks me for a favor, I say I will call u back in a few minutes after I consider it... then I check my schedule, see if I can do what they ask at the time they wanted, if I can and I want to, then I can say yes, if I am willing. It is ok to say "No" too and keep to my original schedule or plan. Part of taking care of me, is not bending over backwards for others anymore. Giving me plenty of time to process and choose what is healthy for me, and not bc someone merely asked.
I enjoy doing things with my hands and improving my surroundings too. I love to take my time and do my projects thoroughly and slowly, bc then if it feels like a labor of love, I enjoy it more and the process is a better experience. If i feel obligated then I get irritable and resentful pretty fast. Finding ways to see the love and feel the joy in the moments as they pass - that makes it all better and what we project outwards to the world, comes right back to us.
Way to focus on what will allow you to feel better! wtg, kcb and working it, ur worth it!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
) but I feel the need to actively WORK at something that will bring me more happiness and joy and fulfillment.