Interesting stuff came up in therapy last night.  I had previously discussed my problems with intimacy. 
I set up walls and don't let people in.  This shields me from being hurt.  I'm also really good at "replacing" those who disappoint me or discarding them altogether.  It's a counteraction to my tendency to control (something I think we can relate to alot.

As some may remember I was having transference issues with therapist.  I knew what they were and wasn't afraid of it...I also knew working through them would be really important to my overall recovery.  It seems that I opened a crack in the wall and let her in....then felt all sorts of mixed emotions come pouring out.  It also caused me to feel anxiety in the days leading up to each session. 

It's getting better now but for the first time I can remember, I'm relating to people differently.  Less guarded and less controlling.  I was at a party related to work the other day and amazed myself how I didn't feel the need to POSSESS anyone in conversation or activity.  I was able, enjoyed and actually preferred to touch base with several people, many whom I never talk to much.  In one case is was much longer as I discovered about a coworkers life some amazing things in their past endeavors and current interests.  Really truly felt present, immersed and OPEN with nonalanon people for the first time I can remember.